Spousification - how does this affect the child

[LeftHandedMouse]

Just picked up on this from another thread, and the comment that it can damage the DD's relationships later on in life.

Does anyone know what form this takes?

Over dependence on a b/friend or intense relationships for example?

Looking forward to you all flaming the next person who posts 'I'm having difficulty with my step children; - cos that never comes up over and over again does it?

But you haven't said that.

You have chosen to instead to ask about spousification and it's impact. The term is controversial at best and there are various chunks of info on the net about it. There is a thread on this board somewhere with various links and a loooooong discussion on spousification. If you AS a poster called Brdgrl you should find her thread.

Also I don't think you were flamed, you received peoples opinions which is what you asked for.

My groundhog is hibernating - are they supposed to do that or is he just a lazy bugger?

Have you checked for a pulse Chip?

left if you think it might be an issue then first place to start I would suggest is with your Dh. What is he doing/not doing that could be triggering the behaviour?

Personally I think a child centred approach is the only way to tackle this. See the world through their eyes. Does dad only respond positively to them if they act a certain way? Is he emotionally withholding if they don't please him? How does he talk to them? Does he talk about their feelings or thoughts? Do they feel valued and respected as individuals?

If he won't perk up for something this repetitive Chipping, he's probably been bored into a coma. Let's hope the others agree to a groundhog timeshare

Spousifcation is a pile of shit.

Maybe just explain your situation and ask for observations/experiences/advice rather than using damaging, psycho guff.
I wonder if you thought you were using a sort of shorthand not realising it was shorthand mostly used by women who want to be shitty about their SDs?

Arse is this your groundhog???

Actually mentioning any situation at all in the OP would have helped, particularly given the goady psychobabble.

It sounded rather theoretical.

Ooh it's like a reunion.

OP, there was a good thread in AIBU a while ago about Spousification.

It makes interesting reading.

I think it's called ....to really dislike the term mini wife syndrome.

It's a bit bunfighty in places but raises some good points.

What is a groundhog anyway?

Never seen the film Groundhog Day, but DH says it's shit because 'it's a bit repetitive'....I can see a glittering career as a movie critic ahead,

Ah bless he's commenting

Sorry groundy I underestimated you.

Thanks for finding him Red

Respectfully I don't agree that it doesn't exist but I do agree its unproven.

I think debate on this is worthwhile, but it should never be used to bash step children with.

People love to use labels to undermine each other and justify our own actions. How many mother in laws are narcissistic? How many exs psychotic or sociopathic?

Tada!

Blimey a hog can't use the loo in peace these days!

Spousification = I wipe my arse with it

Never seen the film Groundhog Day, but DH says it's shit because 'it's a bit repetitive'....I can see a glittering career as a movie critic ahead,

Clash!!!! He has a hat!!!

You know I luffs hats

Boom amateur dx with established medical conditions is one thing - amateur dx with piffly, unproven, alleged syndromes is even worse. Particularly when the victims are children.

Clash has a Slash Hog! Bless.

You might be mixing your films up there Perp

it's not proven....

I know it's wikipaedia so not guaranteed to be 100% factual but...

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification

"Melitta Schmideberg noted in 1948 how emotional deprivation could lead parents to treat their children (unconsciously) as substitute parent figures"

But let's put aside whether it was a case of 'spousification', or just a very very close relationship with a father that came to an abrupt end resulting in some difficult emotional issues.

Now let's pretend that I haven't mentioned this before and that the question is how does this impact in later life?, and not is it happening/does it exist/how do we deal with it?

As I have said we have been through all of that, and dealt with what has happened to date.

If there's no experience of dealing with a late teen/young adult who experienced similar 'attachment/detachment' (call them what you will) problems earlier on then there are no replies.

And I flowered/thanked the one person who bothered to reply on the subject, not on the general debate about whether it's all a pile of humbug !

Oh so he does. Sorry was imagining headscarves.

How can anyone talk about how it would affect a child in later life if it doesn't exist? Perhaps talk about how a jealous new partner would affect the child in later life instead?

I imagine the latter would cause a child to latch onto the first person that showed them attention and cause them self esteem issues but I'm no expert.

Please can we have some photobooth pictures of you and your hog Perp?