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Original poster

Saying no to bf child staying!!!

43 replies

Bigbanger · 05/08/2014 18:23

Myself and boyfriend are expecting a baby together, we don't live together and he has child from previous relationship that he sees EOW and brings to my house.

He has just informed me that week after next he has arranged to have his child for a full week and he expects to bring him to mine.

I really want to say no to them coming over on the week and for them to just come at the weekend as usual my reasoning for this is...... I have just started my maternity leave and I'm currently working hard everyday to get house sorted/decorated for new arrival, even to the extent that I fitted new fencing last week, the week he has planned is the week after my dc birthday and I have promised that dc bedroom will be done that week meaning that dc will be sleeping with me and there will just not be the room plus I would rather not have them here while I'm doing it as he will not help in anyway and will just sit around!

Would it be really horrible of me to say no? Even though there is a good chance he will then let his dc down and not have as it would make his life more difficult to have alone?

OP posts:
Roseformeplease · 05/08/2014 18:26

Why are his children any less welcome than your own? I could understand it if all children were sent to granny or something so you can get on but you can't deny him space for his child while having your own there. How welcome will the new baby be if it is already pushing them out, even before it is born.

needaholidaynow · 05/08/2014 18:27

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crazykat · 05/08/2014 18:30

As you don't live together an it sounds like there won't be space due to decorating then tell him its not convenient.

If you lived together then it would be different as his child would have as much right as yours to be there whether it was convenient or not.

needaholidaynow · 05/08/2014 18:32

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunner · 05/08/2014 18:33

Where does your boyfriend live?

pluCaChange · 05/08/2014 18:33

It's a bit more worrying that he has form for just sitting around! Do you think he'll do that with your DC as well?

needaholidaynow · 05/08/2014 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Bigbanger · 05/08/2014 18:43

He hates decorating/gardening of any sort and is actually useless at it and has a form of starting a job and getting pissed off and leaving it half a hour later, so I do it all which is fine I enjoy doing it but I do prefer to do it on my own as it's easier to just get on!

It's not that his child is less welcome but that week I have arranged to fully redo my dc bedroom complete with new furniture arriving that will need to be built so the bedroom will be out of action for the whole week as current furniture will go on day one and the room will be getting painted and new furniture arriving meaning my own dc won't have a bed which is fine they can sleep in with me for a few nights and bedroom will be put bavk together in time for the weekend including a bed for his dc to use, so it's more of a space issue for sleeping etc with them here for those few days

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigbanger · 05/08/2014 18:43

My boyfriend lives alone a little while away from me

OP posts:
hollie84 · 05/08/2014 18:45

Why won't he have his child at his house?

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer · 05/08/2014 18:46

Would BF be allowed to stay if he didn't have his DC?

Atavistic · 05/08/2014 18:51

Really? He's only capable of having his child to visit if you're around to help? And you decided to have another baby with him? And he 'has form' for being a lazy unhelpful arse? It all sounds like a car crash.

Original poster
Bigbanger · 05/08/2014 18:53

No I would rather he wasn't here even if he didn't have his dc, like I say he will be no help to me and being 36 weeks pregnant I would rather just be able to spend the week getting on, on the hope I can actually spend my last few weeks of my maternity taking it easy!

Also there will be a sleeping issue with my dc sharing my bedroom while there's is being done!

I have no idea why, but for done reason if he can't bring his dc here (which I have always accommodated) then he doesn't really like to have them stay at his as it's only a 1 bed flat

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigbanger · 05/08/2014 18:54

Atavistic - car crash is a perfect example but our relationship is a whole another 10 threads at least

OP posts:
needaholidaynow · 05/08/2014 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waltermittythesequel · 05/08/2014 18:57

How many dc does he have?

What did he do for access before you were together?

And, if he's this much of a lazy good for nothing now, is he going to pull his weight when baby comes?!

Atavistic · 05/08/2014 19:01

You obviously have a job, since you're on Mat leave. Does he? Why isn't he prepared to nest build with you? What's positive things is he bringing to your relationship?

Original poster
Bigbanger · 05/08/2014 19:02

Just the one child, he saw his dc before we met but rarely overnight!

OP posts:
ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 05/08/2014 19:03

YANBU. Yes, I know it's not AIBU!

itsbetterthanabox · 05/08/2014 19:06

If he will choose not to have DC because he can't look after them on his own then what will he do when you have this baby together?
Tell him to look after his own children and that he can come to visit with them but not stay over.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 05/08/2014 19:07

I hope you aren't expecting him to be any better a father to your child together than he is to his own. He sounds like a useless tosser to be honest.

Waltermittythesequel · 05/08/2014 19:09

How do you think he's going to be when baby arrives?

plinth · 05/08/2014 19:09

I think as you don't live together it's not unreasonable to say you can't accommodate his dc that week.

Quite why you're having a child with him is a whole other question

LiberalLibertines · 05/08/2014 19:11

So, you're 38 weeks pregnant and building fences, decorating and putting furniture together because......he gives up after half an hour?!

He sounds like a useless dick, get used to being alone op, and tell him to get stuffed re having his dc at yours for a week.

Petal02 · 05/08/2014 19:15

Why on earth does he need to bring his child to yours for the week? Tell him "no"!