Saying no to bf child staying!!!

[Bigbanger]

Myself and boyfriend are expecting a baby together, we don't live together and he has child from previous relationship that he sees EOW and brings to my house.

He has just informed me that week after next he has arranged to have his child for a full week and he expects to bring him to mine.

I really want to say no to them coming over on the week and for them to just come at the weekend as usual my reasoning for this is...... I have just started my maternity leave and I'm currently working hard everyday to get house sorted/decorated for new arrival, even to the extent that I fitted new fencing last week, the week he has planned is the week after my dc birthday and I have promised that dc bedroom will be done that week meaning that dc will be sleeping with me and there will just not be the room plus I would rather not have them here while I'm doing it as he will not help in anyway and will just sit around!

Would it be really horrible of me to say no? Even though there is a good chance he will then let his dc down and not have as it would make his life more difficult to have alone?

It seems OP is aware that DP might not be that great but that's not what she is wanting advice on here.

I think you're well within your rights to say no. It scuppers your plans and perhaps if he had involved you in the discussion of when he was planning on having his DC for a week he would have been aware that this week wouldn't be a food time for you.

Yes, I don't think the OP was seeking relationship advice, she just wanted to know if she could reasonably decline next week's visit. If I was looking forward to a nice week off with lots of things planned, the last thing I'd want would be someone else's child hanging around!

Yes, get used to being alone - this guy will let you down, and big time.

If you honestly think that he will cancel having his child for the week because his new unpaid nanny (ie you) won't take on the brunt of the care, then that is one shit dad. One really, really shit dad.

So do an experiment. Say no to them coming over (ignore everyone on this thread comparing your DC to his, etc. etc. by the way - not relevant, you don't even live with this guy, even though you are having a baby together - that isn't the point of this thread). If he cancels on his child, then I honestly would dump him now. Really. Unless of course having a shit dad for your child is your dearest wish.

Sounds like this bloke is a classic cocklodger who realised he'd fallen on his feet so got you pregnant quite happily to - as he thinks - get his ticket to the table. So... he gets to go from doing the bare minimum for his child, to being able to host them overnight and have them for a week, like a proper dad - because muggins will actually do the parenting. From living hand to mouth to having a proper house all decorated and nice - because muggins will do the DIY, even at 36 weeks pregnant, and all Cocky McLodge has to do is sink onto the sofa with a contented sigh and survey the new paintwork... because he gives up after half an hour don'tcha know!

You have the sense to see it's a car crash now. You are clearly motivated, intelligent, and already have a child who you have presumably parented singly... why are you with him? Remember, having a man like this is never 'neutral'. He isn't just not contributing... he will be actively taking. Taking time and money and effort that could go to your children. Taking away your chance to find a functioning partner. Taking taking taking.

Have a good think about this, and start by telling him this will be an ideal opportunity to have his child alone for the week, in preparation for the huge increase in hands-on childcare he will be doing very, very soon. He might make your difficult decision for you sooner than you think ;)

No I don't expect anything different from him when it comes to our child! I decided to keep this baby in the basis that I would be 100% happy to do so as a single mother and I'm 100% happy with that decision, I don't have rise tinted glasses on, I don't think he will become the perfect dad because it "our" baby!

I'm financally secure and very independent, hence why we will not be living together and I'm more than happy to do my own DIY etc!

Him as a person is not why I'm posting, like I say that's a whole 10 other threads I was purely asking if I was BU to say no to them coming that week to stay

It would be ok for you to say no at any time op.
He has his own house.

Petal - good point.

OP - then in answer to your direct question, I would say that you are being not only reasonable but very forward-thinking in saying no to them coming over. Not only are you busy, but your DP very much needs this one-on-one time to spend with his son, both for his sake AND to get practice at the huge increase in solo parenting he will soon be having to do. For both of HIS children. Tell him that and see what transpires, it will be a very educational moment.

Ah OP update, you sound very aware - good luck, I am sure you will be fine.

Advice at a tangent though. You sound very head screwed on, and completely aware of this guy's shortcomings... and yet here you are asking whether you are BU to suggest that you don't act as unpaid nanny for the week at 36 weeks pregnant. The answer is, of course you aren't - and moreover, most 'head screwed on' women would have laughed in his face when he suggested it. You will have a new baby - practice laughing in his face NOW. At all sorts of lazy piss-taking suggestions.

Castlemilk - Cocky Mclodge had me crying with laughter...... Brilliant!!!!

OP, you're actually in a good position in some respects. You have your own home, and you don't sound too phased about being a single parent - so you can stand your ground and set boundaries with confidence: if he doesn't like what he hears, he can take a walk.

I was only asking because I was trying to see whether you planned on being a blended family in the future.

It doesn't seem as if you do (which is good!) therefore there's no need for any sort of compromise!

So you can tell him to fuck off without hesitation!

OP, just say "No". You have stuff to do, you don't want him around that week. The fact that he has his DC is neither here nor there. And congratulations on the new baby.

Omg. This has made me feel so much better about my DH

No OP, YANBU!

Definitely not BU op, it's your house and your rules. Congratulations on the baby

As others say .. NO! I find myself in the Childcare role a lot and were I to have my time again I would have been much more like OP start as u mean to go on!

Why are yo haing a baby with a man you find unlivable?

It's all in the thread Troll

Thank you all I shall update in due course

Its a good job i saw that there were two pages, because i instinctively wanted to post the word cocklodger.

I have experience of one of these useless arseholes, and glad to see you have your head screwed on where he's concerned.

Castlemilk and some of the others have it bang on.
Say no to being used as a free babysitter and i suppose you would be expected to feed everyone as well. Fuck THAT lol

Good luck :)