Father's Day large rant warning..!!

[Elizabeth120914]

I'm quite prepared im going to get shot down in flames but I'm raging and need to get it out..

Following on from previous post .. step daughter and ex who have ignored us for 5 weeks left us waiting to collect her all weekend and ignored all texts and access we got phoned this morning...

MIL has waded in over the last week and been vile it's everyone's fault but hers we should have bribed her to come done this and that- MIL never has her it's too tiring for her won't even help out when I had bad morning sickness/ oh working it goes on and on.

Yesterday she threatened to disown oh if he didn't go round and demand acess etc. so is has caused nothing but stress and misery in this house for the past 5 weeks and for months before as daughter has been vile while she's been here won't talk won't interact with anyone typical teenage stuff..

Today I had a nice day out planned and got oh some bits to try and make the day nice. His ex phones this morning she's decided that there's been a miss understanding and we need to collect daughter and have her all weekend every week from now on!! We have always done this but it's been very nice having a few days alone off work..

I'm sorry but i went mad cue another horrible day in this house and now all weekend every week as nothing's been resolved angry teenager who doesn't want to come oh at work and me dealing with it 7 months pregnant and guess what MIL can't have her or help! He doesn't entertain her when she's here it's all on me he just expects her to entertain herself and doesn't notice being at me the whole time about being entertained or taken home is what she soes..

We wanted acess but surely this isn't fair to pick and drop and ignore??! I'm fuming how dare she treat us like this! MIL has bought me tickets for a show next weekend for me to take her too (oh working) I want to kill her not be nice how do u get past these feelings obviously it's not so hard for OH and maybe it's hormones but I've absolutely had enough of the lot and now I've got MIL coming for tea to listen to nothing but her skewered crap about all this all evening!!!

Oh yes and I have to cook them a meal oh joy!!

Why does her mum even want to send her to you knowing her dad is at work? If that was me I'd arrange contact for times her dad is there. Surely that's what she comes for? To see her dad and spend some time with him? I think it's crazy you're expected to look after her every weekend. They should rearrange her time at your house to work around your husbands working hours. It's crazy, you need to concentrate on your baby and having less stress.

Also I totally feel for u being messed about like this, one arrangement then another time after time. When u have a child it's even worse coz u want regular stability for your child and that's taken away from you by the ex because u never know when ds is coming or not coming! X

Thanks I know lots of people think anything negative about step kids makes u a bad person but I honestly have really tried I'm exhausted and at my whits end. The drama with the ex is so draining.

I would never let my child go to and exes girlfriend she's never even bothered to speak to me or come out when I collect or drop off. She won't speak to oh either unless u hound her. She's a difficult kid and with nine others at the weekend she wants rid and money still don't know why we were ignored for 5 weeks there's no explanation at all..

We've said tonight a proper arrangement need to be made but that's been said a million times before so who knows what will happen.

It's very hard to reject someone and I don't want too but she spends her whole time here hanging off me. Even if i go upstairs to leave them too it she will come up and start talking to me in the bedroom. Her dad has no conversation she's interested in ie clothes, music and fashion and she knows I'm the soft touch. It's a horrible situation I don't think anyone prepares u for being a step parent at all :(

Sorry you are having a hard time Elizabeth! It is a bloody thankless task being a step mum at times, especially when the kids are awful due to the failings of their parents!!

I have similar issues. My dss is 10 and can be a little shit at times (he can also be am absolute gem) but at nearly 11 he too is suffering the onset of teenage hormones and as such is moody as hell sometimes. I love him dearly but there are times when I don't like him very much! Both him and his sister (dsd is 8) have appalling manners, zero personal hygiene and have absolutely no boundaries at their mum's. My dp also works shifts so contact is often with me and there are times, especially when I was pregnant, when I wanted to scream at all of them and walk away and leave them to it.

Please remember that the anger you feel towards the child is linked to her behaviour and the fault of her parents not her. She is just a child and however much of a cow she can be, she genuinely doesn't mean it and cannot control it yet.

Perhaps you need to look at the following you round from a different angle. From your posts the child is ignored by her mum and her dad and her grandma. The only one who pays her any attention is you, riding lessons, cooking etx. She has clearly formed a strong bond with you and wants you to like her hence the lost puppy act. if she has never had that attention she won't know how to deal with it or act appropriately. Could you sit down with her and explain that as much as you love spending time with her sometimes you just need half an hour on your own and you would really appreciate it if she could entertain herself for that short time while you have a lie down or whatever.

If the girl has never had boundaries I am afraid you need to teach her about them as it seems no one else will.

Feel free to pm me if you want to continue discussion without the vitriol extended to anyone who dares admits that kids, step or otherwise, can be horrid little shit at times!

Your partner needs to care for his own daughter. So what if she's a moody teenager that's his responsibility, kids are like that. Of course you be her friend and do fun things with her but access is for him to be parenting his own dd not palming her off onto you. No wonder she's moody! Her dad doesn't give a shit.
I'm surprised you have chosen to have a child with this man when you see how he treats his existing child.

Good luck to you, choosing Father of the Year for your own child.
Poor kid.
I do feel for you, but absolutely the key here is to get her useless father to stop letting her down.

Btw, I haven't met my ex's girlfriend and she met my daughter last week. I think it's actually more common not to meet them. I certainly would tell my ex to bugger off if he wanted to meet my boyfriend. I can make good choices - he gets no day in that. By the same token, though I don't like having to suck it up, I can't dictate what happens in his personal life.

I don't demand to meet anyone but after years of someone collecting and dropping off my child, driving them about and having them on their own id want to speak to them or maybe acknowledge they are alive?! I don't want to be her friend far from but it's rather odd not to even waive to your own child when she leaves or come to the door when she's bought back? Would maybe be nice to the poor child too when her mother passed us getting out of her boy friends car she totally blanked us both Infront of child..

It's a bit late now for comments about father of the year being pregnant has made me see things very differently with the whole situation to how I did previously. When I wasn't totally exhausted and hormonal it didn't seem half so stressful or upsetting. I have to make the best of a situation now and when I wrote the above I was furious. Yes he needs to step up yes I need to step back a bit and yes he has been a total idiot but we are all a family and have to make the best of it for daughter now and new baby in September. She doesn't need another broken relationship in her life either..

Lots of really helpful suggestions have been made that's the beauty of this forum with things that u don't want to discuss with family and friends and getting some impartial opinions.

I want to make things better for everyone involved and now hopefully when things have started to calm down a bit between all parties we can start again.

Thanks all for all then opinions much apreciated fingers crossed we can fix it