Saying no to looking after his son!

[Rosieotto]

Myself and DP don't live together

He currently sees his son every other weekend (fri-sun) and also just the alternte Friday for couple of hours to!

His son lives over a hour away (2 hour round trip) and I used to for various reasons done most of the commuting! Back last summer there was a lot if probs with his son which resulted in lots of very unfair demands (I.e I must not be around him/be in car for any picks ups etc) and I was the one who got shooted in the foot even though I was the one who constantly went out my way to accomadate/transport his son!

So since then I have distanced myself and haven't done anything in regards to pick ups etc!

Dp has now decided that he is now only going to have son ever other week and for longer periods over school hols and over these holidays while he is at work he expects me to look after him!

Firstly I'm currently on maternity but will soon to be going back to work, so when I'm back I want the 2 days I have off to spend with my own children taking them out, meeting friends, letting them have sleep overs ect

I don't go back till sept and dp wants me to have his son for half the holidays AIBU in not wanting to???

Like I say we are not living together and have no financal ties, I look after my kids and there childcare arrangements etc

Catsmother no he never covered the petrol costs how did you guess? I didn't do it for him though, I done it for his son because otherwise I knew because he had a skin full of drink the night before he wouldn't get up and would cancel his son at the last minute! I can see now I was a total mug to do it but I am genuinely a nice person and I did it for her son! Which was why I was so cross when the shit hit the fan last year and I was the one made to feel excluded!

I have already emotionally detached myself from the relationship, I'm just going through the motions at the moment but I feel the end is near!

Reading your posts it looks like he's just using you and is a lazy and indifferent dad.

My DH always backed me up against his ex, didn't expect me to be an unpaid babysitter and weekend and holiday arrangements were always made with DSD in mind before any of his hobbies.

The only time I ran round after DSD was when DH was in hospital and I went from our house to her mums, picked her up, took her to the hospital for visiting (50 miles away), took her for tea then took her back to her mums.

I can tell you're a nice person, and it's awful that if you hadn't put yourself out he wouldn't have had the self control not to drink in favour of seeing his son. However, as you say, ultimately, and however irresponsible and sad you and I think it is, whether or not he maintains a relationship with his son is up to him. You'd have thought that any normal decent person would have been so bloody grateful at you making that journey they'd be falling over themselves to reimburse you - and would have the good grace to feel shamefaced you'd had to do it at all!

This afternoon if another prime example of his behavior!

He us meant to be going over and so ending couple of hours with his son afterschool this afternoon before coming to mine for weekend as it's not his EOW for access! Instead he left work at midday to go out drinking with pal! So not only has he let his son down again but he had also let down myself and our DD because tomorrow when he arrived now he will be so hung over he will either mop about on the couch all day or get pissed up again from early morning because it's the only way he can desl with the hangover!

I'm fuming!!!! We have already had strong words about his drinking and I ended our relationship when I was pregnsnt with him because of this!

I'm afraid that you are allowing his behaviour to impact you though. You need to take control of the things that you can. So, what you need to do now is cancel tomorrow. Tell him not to come over. Then get on and enjoy your day without him.

Regarding his son, he has had long enough to sort out a sofa bed so tell him that, from now on, his son will spend his weekends at his dad's place, with his dad and that, if they want to, you can all meet up to do something during the day.

Take control and stop allowing this to just 'happen' to you.

Can I just check ?

He went to the pub from lunchtime instead of seeing his son ? Does he behave any better about seeing the child you have together ?

And then he will come to yours tomorrow and drink from the morning onwards ?

And he doesn't pay anything towards your son or towards household costs when he stays at yours ?

What exactly are you getting from this relathionship ?

Why are you still with him ?

Do you think he is an alcoholic or just a selfish moron?

His poor children. They don't seem to be his priority at all.