DSD - Silent moody treatment- Spoilt Madam

[mrssnodge]

MY DSd 14 nearly 15, is so moody and does not speak to me- She stays evey weekend, from fri eve to sun eve, speaks to DP like shit then wraps him aound her finger , is so spoiled- DP constantly buys her things he cant afford- He sometimes works on Saturdays and leaves me with her, she does not move out of her( recently decorated by me) bedroom until he comes in at 2pm and says 'im starving'- he asks could u not have made her something to eat? err -of course if she came and asked me I would!! but Im not doing room service--my own 3 dc have all left home- - didnt do it for them),
In her room, she has sky tv, lap top, i pod, etc, but insists on sitting on top of us all the time- fine if she had a conversation- but she speaks to DP only & not me, eben though its nearly always me running in nd out with food, nibbles etc I never get a thanks-
DP says she is just shy- she wont speak to my DM or Dc if they visit, and goes upstairs then- I feel awful bitching about her but its getting so bad- this is 7 years on and I dont think I can put up with this much longer, when will she stop coming every weekend!????
She also has a friend to stay too everything other weekend, I prefer her bloody mate- shes lovely and chatty,!!!

she cant even make a cup of tea! I recently stood over her and made her/showed her how to do it- with Dp at her side, laughing and saying she doesnt even drink tea, so why should she do it -
Her new bedroom was my sons old room, the biggest in the house- DP bought most of the new things, and she does at least keep this clean- she also takes her washing home.
Never washes up or lefts a finger, apart from the day we swapped rooms for her, I made her help clean before decorating and I think she actually enjoyed it- but since then nothing .
I agree with the pocket money/allowance thing- he gives her too much and that makes her entitled, - I also know she does nothing at home-( but her Dm is a lazy person too! lol!)
DP has just text my to say he has an early finish so is going to pick her up after work experience today- ah bless she cant manage a 10 min walk home either-its a 40 min drive, there and back!
I know im coming across bitter etc, and he is equally to blame, I just hope she discovers boys and mates soon, I know she will drop Dp like a brick when that happens! Not sure if Dp will be relieved or hurt but I wil be a lot happier without her EW!!!!!!

she cant even make a cup of tea! I recently stood over her and made her/showed her how to do it- with Dp at her side, laughing and saying she doesnt even drink tea, so why should she do it -
Her new bedroom was my sons old room, the biggest in the house- DP bought most of the new things, and she does at least keep this clean- she also takes her washing home.
Never washes up or lefts a finger, apart from the day we swapped rooms for her, I made her help clean before decorating and I think she actually enjoyed it- but since then nothing .
I agree with the pocket money/allowance thing- he gives her too much and that makes her entitled, - I also know she does nothing at home-( but her Dm is a lazy person too! lol!)
DP has just text my to say he has an early finish so is going to pick her up after work experience today- ah bless she cant manage a 10 min walk home either-its a 40 min drive, there and back!
I know im coming across bitter etc, and he is equally to blame, I just hope she discovers boys and mates soon, I know she will drop Dp like a brick when that happens! Not sure if Dp will be relieved or hurt but I wil be a lot happier without her EW!!!!!!

she cant even make a cup of tea! I recently stood over her and made her/showed her how to do it- with Dp at her side, laughing and saying she doesnt even drink tea, so why should she do it -
Her new bedroom was my sons old room, the biggest in the house- DP bought most of the new things, and she does at least keep this clean- she also takes her washing home.
Never washes up or lefts a finger, apart from the day we swapped rooms for her, I made her help clean before decorating and I think she actually enjoyed it- but since then nothing .
I agree with the pocket money/allowance thing- he gives her too much and that makes her entitled, - I also know she does nothing at home-( but her Dm is a lazy person too! lol!)
DP has just text my to say he has an early finish so is going to pick her up after work experience today- ah bless she cant manage a 10 min walk home either-its a 40 min drive, there and back!
I know im coming across bitter etc, and he is equally to blame, I just hope she discovers boys and mates soon, I know she will drop Dp like a brick when that happens! Not sure if Dp will be relieved or hurt but I wil be a lot happier without her EW!!!!!!

she cant even make a cup of tea! I recently stood over her and made her/showed her how to do it- with Dp at her side, laughing and saying she doesnt even drink tea, so why should she do it -
Her new bedroom was my sons old room, the biggest in the house- DP bought most of the new things, and she does at least keep this clean- she also takes her washing home.
Never washes up or lefts a finger, apart from the day we swapped rooms for her, I made her help clean before decorating and I think she actually enjoyed it- but since then nothing .
I agree with the pocket money/allowance thing- he gives her too much and that makes her entitled, - I also know she does nothing at home-( but her Dm is a lazy person too! lol!)
DP has just text my to say he has an early finish so is going to pick her up after work experience today- ah bless she cant manage a 10 min walk home either-its a 40 min drive, there and back!
I know im coming across bitter etc, and he is equally to blame, I just hope she discovers boys and mates soon, I know she will drop Dp like a brick when that happens! Not sure if Dp will be relieved or hurt but I wil be a lot happier without her EW!!!!!!

ooh soory dont know why that happened!

Ah! Your DH is a Disney Dad. That needs sorting!

Arghhhh the lifts that take your husband 40 minutes for the sake of saving her walking ten minutes!! Makes my blood boil.

I think you need to get creative.. would our husband turn down a saucy weekend away just the two of you?

Russian- yeah I think he would turn that down- cant let princes down can we?
A few times i have put my foot down, and said, look she can stay either fri or sat, , but not all weekend and once a month we go out on a sat nite- this happens for a short time then goes back to all weekend again.
I love Dp to bits and we get on fantastic with no other issues- apart from lack of time together on weekend, - I also must say my DD x2 and DS drop by normally once or twice on a weekend, say for an hr or so then go!
He came to live with me when I had all 3 dc at home, and took us all on, but now they have left home I feel im being a bit selfish wanting some time alone- I have done my bit x 3-!!
Will have another chat again, and try to go back to one night only weekend so at least we have 1 day to ourselves!
We took DSD to spain for a week last year- OMG - it was a nightmare-clingy to her dad, would not eat what/when we did, insisted on being bought large meals, which she would then leave, say its disgusting! he spent 800 in a week due to her - I had my own spends and refused to buy her a meal LOL!!!
Hopefully when she grows up a bit she may change- heres hoping- I know my 2 DD were never that bad!

Ah but your children were most likely told "no" on occasion and had family responsibilities. It's very different having children live with you and all being in routine, and having a child who is essentially a guest/ visitor coming every weekend.

It's sad that she only gets to see her Dad at weekend as there's no opportunity to have a "normal" relationship. It's all about fun and relaxing at the weekend. It's not normal life.

I don't think she sounds that awful and I think you sound quite catty and resentful, I understand that we cope with our children's foibles far more readily but it's obvious you don't like her.

Yeah you're right BelleateSebastian I totally put up with my own DD speaking only to to her Dad and never me, and not lifting a finger around the house.

Belle,- Yr right in some extent- I dont like her that much, but have tried everything in the book to get to know her/understand from her point of view, took her shopping bought her things/ shown her to cook/ give them space together and still the silent treatment-
I was in the same situatlion myself when my parents divorced at 11, my SM was nice and friendly and I responded to her the same way, with respect! my DSD has non what so ever and after 7 years its not gonna change- She has two elder sisiters, who are not my DP's, and I get on well with them- I get on with her friend who stays EOW too, so its not that Im jealous -Im bloody understanding, but fed up of her being silent and badly behaved and lazy!
I know she could be a lot worse, no shouting or throwing things or causing trouble with DP and her mum etc, its just so hard when she barely acknowledges me!!

Sorry - why EVERY weekend? Why not every other weekend?

He is entitlted to see her as much as he can- she only lives 40 mins drive away only - her mum does not drive so DP has to do all the driving, collecting, dropping off- I too like to see my grown up DC as much a poss, but with working full time, I only get to see them on weekends, my point is I see them for an or , two at most, she sits here the whole time from fri 4pm, to sun 6pm without speaking to me.
I have no issue with her coming just wish it was not the whole weekend-
At what point will she stop wanting to come? I hoped it would be 13/14, and start to do things with her friends etc, maybe cut it down to fri night only, or sat night then go home, but it seems she hates going home to her DM and older sisters- I think this is due to the fact she is treat normally- no fuss, get on with it attitude, and quite right I think, and no daddy pondering to her every whim!
just wondering if she loves him as mush as her loves her or is taking the piss for what she can get!! Hope not as he would be heartbroken-

I'm sure she does love her daddy, mrsnodge, but that doesn't mean she's motivated by love alone! I suspect there is a lot of truth in what you say about her being treated 'normally' at her mum's and given red carpet treatment at dad's.

If it helps at all, you are probably in the worst of it right now. 14-15 has been the nightmare age with both my DSC. Doesn't mean it will go away all on it's own, or that you have to just put up with it in the meantime, of course.

But why EVERY weekend? Why can't she be at her mum's on alternate weekends? I would have thought her mum would have wanted to have some time with her every other weekend. Doesn't she ever want to go to town or out with her friends?

I am amazed DSD doesn't want to go out with friends at the weekend. Hanging round the house for two days must be very dull.

She sounds rather troubled- too clingy, not many friends and a mass of resentment. I think you need to step back for your own sanity and DP should be trying to talk to her about how everything is going in her life and he should be laying down some rules about acceptable behavior.

Cerisier, I constantly hear about how teens are supposed to have such a disdain for being with their parents, and only want to be out with friends, and don't want to go on holidays with parents, and would prefer to be drinking with other teens...
In my experience, it just wasn't true. My DSC were/are definitely a bit young for their ages, so maybe that's it, but I think it is actually a bit of a myth about teens. And it clearly isn't only kids in stepfamilies, because my DSD's friends were all the same. They were homebodies, and not at all interested in drinking, partying, or any of the things everyone told me they MUST be.

Weirdos! :)

Just go out on a Saturday, consider it a free day, let her do what she wants

giveme, do you mean OP and her DH?

I have a step daughter and we have been leaving her in the house alone for around 4 years [she is 17 next month]...no way would I stop in just because she was in the house. As I see it she has two houses and if she doesn't like it here then she wouldn't come. I just get on with things that I do at the weekends and half the time her dad goes to the football and she is here alone for the day.

No, the dh is at work. I mean the op.

She very occasionally goes into town on a sat afternoon, - DP, drives her the 40 mins, to her side of town, collects her mate, takes them to ctr of town, and then collects them both at tea time to stay the nite!!
Whats wrong with the bloody bus!???
I think this is mad- fair enough , the day she wants to go to town, she either goes from home and her mate and her can go togetrher, or Dp even drop her off in town to meet her mate, but not for him to collect her mate too!
I dont even mind her mate staying over as hs is nice and polite & chatty- in fact I like it better when she is there!
her Mum works all weekend and goes our drinking. fri/ sat nite- ( thats another story) so when dsd was small it suited her mum for us to have her every weekend, now she is a sullen, entitled teenager its getting worse-

I know things could be a lot worse,- she once said she wants live with us- !! no way!!!!!

DH only occasionally works on a Saturday on overtime &, sometimes so do I, though it may be a bit more often if things continue they way they are now!