Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

How do you pay CM?

47 replies

stepmooster · 02/03/2014 08:27

I have no idea what is normal, but we (joint account) remit funds to the ex wife by standing order on the 1st of every month. For the last 2 months the 1st has fallen on a weekend and the banks remit the money on the Monday afterwards. The ex wife is not happy with this arrangement and wants the CM to be paid into her account on the 1st of each month. I am not sure how this is possible? DH has offered to send cheques instead, but the ex wife says that it would take longer for the money to get into her account.

DH and I both get paid on the 27th of each month, we have all our direct debits and standing orders going out on the 1st of each month, we don't really want to change it. If we change it to another date, then at some point that will fall on a weekend, and the only other option is to try and remember to remit funds each month in time for the 1st, but honestly there is more potential for this to get delayed if for instance one of us forgets its the last banking day before the 1st or something.

CM has been paid to the ex by standing order for 5 years, this is the first time it has become an issue. For those of you who have private CM arrangements not throught the CSA how do you pay the ex? and have you ever had this issue before and what did you do to resolve it?

OP posts:

FrogbyAnotherName · 02/03/2014 09:49

Frog mine is deducted at source by attachment. After 10 years of non payment it means I now receive cm like clockwork.

It's incredible how inconsistent the CSA process is.

I've frequently called up the CSA to report a missed payment, only for it to eventually be tracked down in a "holding account" rather then allocated to my account after payment by the employer.
I'd like to think his employer is getting it right - he works for the public sector!

I've learnt not to depend on the money from the CSA to cover monthly bills - I've rearranged my budgeting so that some bills are paid quarterly which gives me the flexibility if the CSA payments are late.

I do think some RP have exceptionally high expectations - if they've entered into a financial transaction with their ex, then it should be treated in a businesslike manner and the RP should manage their money accordingly.

russianfudge · 02/03/2014 10:56

I pay day falls on a Sunday, most companies would pay on the Friday.. Not make you wait for Monday. So it should never be an issue if you set it up for the 28th of each month.

But jeez it's picky of her. You/ your DH are under no obligation to pay on any set day. He could pay weekly if he wanted to.

purpleroses · 02/03/2014 11:12

If it gets delayed paying out at weekends, then why not go for the 28th - because if thatt falls at a weekend and your pay is delayed, then the CSA payment will also be delayed so you'll be OK. You could also see if you can get a small overdraft limit agreed which would cover you for the odd occasion if it did go out before you'd been paid - the interest on it would be really tiny for two days.

I would guess your DP's ex has direct debits herself (rent, etc) that pay out on the 1st so she's finding it difficult if it sometimes doesn't arrive til the 3rd.

Original poster

stepmooster · 02/03/2014 11:29

I know it seems really crap of us, but we have in the past forgot to pay our credit card on the date in the statement. We have 2 small children and some days I couldn't tell you what day it is never mind the date. So we have everything direct debit / standing order so nothing is late. And as much as she drives me insane some days, forgetting to pay her seriously out of order and I don't want to forget and put her up shit creek.

I will talk to the bank to see if they can pay it out on the last banking day of the month without us having to remember. If not it might be possible with some savings we have to switch this months payment to the 26th, so the money will always be there for the 1st, but I don't want her to start expecting it dead on 26th either, its meant for the 1st.

Looking at my online account it is showing the deduction and all our direct debits, standing orders etc but they have obviously not cleared our account 'properly' until Monday.

OP posts:

russianfudge · 02/03/2014 12:09

Can't he just set a calendar reminder like he would for a work commitment?

Petal02 · 02/03/2014 13:02

Or could the ex change HER direct debits to go out a few days later, to accommodate weekend payment dates??

russianfudge · 02/03/2014 13:03

Even better!

Original poster

stepmooster · 02/03/2014 13:12

Oh I don't think DH is brave enough to suggest that petal02!

OP posts:

Petal02 · 02/03/2014 13:14

Surprise Surprise!!!! :)

RedFocus · 02/03/2014 17:14

My dh has set it up to the 1st via standing order so if it's on a weekend then she will get it Monday. My ex pays on his pay day whenever that is. Doesn't bother me and doesn't bother dh's ex either.
Personally she should be glad he has it set up this way so she knows she will always be paid and not forgotten like I sometimes am but tbh I am on good terms with my ex and a gentle reminder is all he needs plus he sometimes pops in extra if he's flush so I am quite lucky really.

Chasingsquirrels · 02/03/2014 20:36

TBH she would be getting a "tough, deal with it" from me on this.
If it is that much of an issue she needs to change her direct debits.

Xalla · 03/03/2014 13:03

My DH pays weekly because of this, every Wednesday, by standing order.

I think she's being unreasonable but maybe suggest to your DH he does similar.

Petal02 · 03/03/2014 13:20

Xalla, that's not a bad idea. Multiply the monthly amount by 12, and then divide into 52 equal payments? Someone pass me a calculator!!!!!

Xalla · 03/03/2014 13:59

Yep basically. Although DH now has a contact arrangement whereby he has DSD for all school hols so he told he divided the annual amount by 39 and just pays weekly during the 39 term time weeks. His argument being that maintenance shouldn't need to be paid if DSD was with him. In his defence, Mum is shocking with money, has several loans out at any one time and has two younger children whose father's don't pay maintenance. DH figured this was the best way to ensure his maintenance payments mostly benefitted DSD.

Original poster

stepmooster · 04/03/2014 06:38

Xalla that is a genius idea!

OP posts:

russianfudge · 04/03/2014 08:01

It is, but not sure the CSA would officially grant it if mum didn't agree.

It's calculated on nights-per-year so wouldn't it be better to take those 13 weeks off and divide the while amount in to 52 equal payments? Then mum gets the same amount each week to budget, and equally dad is paying the same amount each week to budget?

Maybe, op, if he points out that he could pay weekly if he wished, she would back down in the odd day or two that it's late?

russianfudge · 04/03/2014 08:02

I do feel that weekly is the best wattle sure money is spent in the child and for an ex who's bad with money it can help the child.

I personally wouldn't want it that way though.

Xalla · 04/03/2014 08:49

No the CSA wouldn't grant it. It's not a CSA arrangement. DH pays above what he'd have to via the CSA (not much though, he just rounded that figure up to the nearest £5) but he pays on his terms. He pays for school dinners, uniform and all of DSD's extra curricular activities in addition to maintenance payments.

He has DSD for a 6 week block over summer; if he continued to pay maintenance it would only be used to fund Mum, finance her debts and pay for her other two children whose fathers' are not contributing. I'm talking about a woman that is always in debt though. I appreciate that most Mums do not behave like my DSD's Mum.

russianfudge · 04/03/2014 09:57

So many typos I don't know where to start - sorry!!!

anklebitersmum · 04/03/2014 13:02

It's been fine for five years and now she's moaning? There's clearly a change in her financial circumstances and she's having a whinge.

I genuinely don't think that there's a totally fool-proof way to resolve this and quite frankly the 'remembering to transfer on X date' is a highway to ex-wife hell in my opinion.

TheMumsRush · 09/03/2014 10:41

Friday every week by standing order.

charliefoxtrot · 09/03/2014 12:27

I can't believe you're considering changing it! It's up to her to manage her own money. DP is responsible for paying his share, which he is. How she organises her bank account is up to her. If your payday falls on a weekend you have to wait until Monday. Why should she be different?

Flip

1 2