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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Homework

33 replies

FedupofTurkey · 03/11/2013 08:50

Skids (9) and (6 ) are behind at school - i occasionally collect from school and their teachers have said they're not doing homework. They live with me and dp full time plus my ds. Myself and dp work full time and have little spare time. My ds has always been good at doing homework with a bit of prompting! I encourage dss' to do homework at the same time I prompt my dss but they're not interested. I asked dp to help them last week as the school said they're struggling but he hasn't. Parents eve is soon and due to dp work i shall have to attend alone . I know the school will say something - what should i say?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FunkyFucker · 03/11/2013 08:53

Get their father to attend!

Original poster

FedupofTurkey · 03/11/2013 08:55

F - i was hoping i would, but due to mad work he won't be able to do day/eve appts :(

OP posts:

WaitingForMe · 03/11/2013 08:58

I think either you attend parents evening, ask for advice then follow it up and help the kids or you don't attend.

Time to decide whether you want to be their parent I think. For what it's worth, I think it's ok if you don't want to take it on but it's not really a topic where being on the fence works.

TheFallenMadonna · 03/11/2013 08:58

I don't think lack of homework will be the reason they are underachieving at school. Use the parents' evening as an opportunity to get the school's input on why, and find out what the school are putting in place with regards to intervention. Then you can support that at home.

PotteringAlong · 03/11/2013 08:58

If they live with you full time why can't you sit down and help them?!

theoriginalandbestrookie · 03/11/2013 09:01

DP needs to make time for his DCs, not right however busy he is, that he cannot spare the time to make a separate appointment with the teachers to discuss his own children.

Original poster

FedupofTurkey · 03/11/2013 09:01

Pottering - i try - i don 't have much spare time - also they say they haven't got homework!

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 03/11/2013 09:03

Do they not have planners / homework diaries you can check? Could all the children do their homework together at the table then you could float around whilst making dinner etc and help them all?

Original poster

FedupofTurkey · 03/11/2013 09:09

Pottering - i ask when we get in, they tell me they haven't any - all good suggestions though

OP posts:

ilovepowerhoop · 03/11/2013 09:12

I check the school bags of my dd/ds so know whether they have homework or not. They do their homework at the same time at the table and I actively help when required. My two are age 7 and nearly 10.

lunar1 · 03/11/2013 09:19

If you are not involved enough to sit and make sure they do homework then don't go to parents evening. The school will have to chase their dad up when he can't be bothered to attend.

It's not fair to you to do parents evening if you are not in a position to act on it. Where is their mother? Very sad that neither parent is taking an interest.

supermariossister · 03/11/2013 09:27

I check book bags now and if find homework that's what's getting done before anything else. I think I'm quite lucky though in that I have been accepted and welcomed as a part of their lives by their mum and psrtnrr and for me that's all aspects of so I don't want to do a half assed job.i think you need to start checking and ensuring it's done and if you can't do that then don't go to parents evening tel their dad that he has too. I'm not meaning to be harsh but if they live with you then you should be able to enforce some rules and stick to them

SpockSmashesScissors · 03/11/2013 09:43

How sad that none of you seems to be bothered. Not much point you going to parents evening if you're not interested enough to get involved. Their Dad will just have to make time to go, like the rest of have to and make time to help them with homework/schoolwork.

purpleroses · 03/11/2013 11:43

I would ask the school if they can see you and DP together at a time your DP can make. Schools will always do this if you ask I think - and if the DCs are behind then they should be particularly keen. It would be a chance for you and DP to get together with the school, hear what sort of support they think the DCs need with homework, schoolwork they're behind on, etc - and agree between you which one of you is going to do what with them.

Sounds like your DP is expecting you to fill the role of primary carer for them (as he's working long hours and doesn't care about going to the parents evening). If you're OK about that, then that could work, but if you're kind of feeling that they're his DCs not yours, and you work full time too, then sounds like they're falling between the cracks with no one really taking charge of them.

Both my DCs schools use homework planners or homework books that should tell you what the homework is. As a parent you are expected to look in their bags, find out what homework's been set and make sure they do it. You may not have needed to do this with your DS if he's very organised about it, but a lot of children do need this level of parental input right up to secondary school age. The school should be able to tell you what system they use for informing parents what homework's been set, and what sort of involvement they expect from you. Some schools have "homework clubs" too for DCs who are behind or who can't get the help they need at home - your DSC may be able to make use of something like that if it runs.

Thesouthernwindisblowing · 03/11/2013 11:47

Who is parenting these children? One or both of you needs to start taking responsibility.

needaholidaynow · 03/11/2013 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 03/11/2013 16:45

OP - what would your DP do if you didn't exist?

I would suggest that one of the reasons that the DCs are not interested in school is because their DF does not value their education enough to display enough interest to even meet with the teachers when he knows they are behind in their school work.

If we are talking about age appropriate expectations then for a 6 year old, certainly my six year old I would tell him to get his homework bag out when we got home from school, then I would nag tell him after a certain point of time that he needed to do it and I would sit with him, or in the same room (kitchen/dining room) whilst he did it and then check at the end.

I would expect the 9 year old to be a bit more self sufficient, but if he has never been taught a good homework routine, then I'd treat the 6 year old and nine year old the same.

needaholidaynow · 03/11/2013 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littleredsquirrel · 03/11/2013 17:10

Hang on these CHILDREN live with the OP full time. She is their mother. She surely doesn't just get to say its up to him and leave them to it? OP is that what you do with their meals, their washing, their bathing and personal needs say he does it or else they don't get fed, washed etc? Why are you not able to help?

needaholidaynow · 03/11/2013 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littleredsquirrel · 03/11/2013 17:19

Bizarre

They are children, they live with you. You help them when they need it.

Seems pretty simple to me.

needaholidaynow · 03/11/2013 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purpleroses · 03/11/2013 17:25

The problem is that if the OP doesn't want to take on the role of mum, then someone else needs to do it. Their own mother seems not to be on the scene, and their dad appears to be carrying on in a rather traditional male role, going out to work and leaving the kids to his DP.

I think the OP and her DP need to have a good conversation about what the DSC need in terms of parenting and which of them is going to do what. There's no right or wrong way to do things but both assuming things such as homework not to be their job, doesn't really sound like it's working.

allnewtaketwo · 03/11/2013 17:26

"Hang on these CHILDREN live with the OP full time. She is their mother"

Wtf . I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume your ignorance is due to a jack of experience of step family dynamics to realise how naive that statement is

needaholidaynow · 03/11/2013 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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