Homework

[FedupofTurkey]

Skids (9) and (6 ) are behind at school - i occasionally collect from school and their teachers have said they're not doing homework. They live with me and dp full time plus my ds. Myself and dp work full time and have little spare time. My ds has always been good at doing homework with a bit of prompting! I encourage dss' to do homework at the same time I prompt my dss but they're not interested. I asked dp to help them last week as the school said they're struggling but he hasn't. Parents eve is soon and due to dp work i shall have to attend alone . I know the school will say something - what should i say?

OK "playing the role of their mother". Point was simply these are children they live with the OP and they need help. Surely you are a family and you help the children, whoever is the biological parent.

And yes I have no experience whatsoever with stepchildren.

No, a step parent does not play the role of mother.

A step-parent CAN play the role of mother, and many do, especially if the DCs live there full time. The point is that her DP shouldn't just be assuming that she'll do this without discussing it.

I can see that a residential SP can perform many tasks for the child, insofar as these fall outside of tasks requiring parental responsibility. To me, this is really quite different to playing the "role of mother".

Oh my goodness littleredsquirrel - if we act in a motherly role we get told we are overstepping!!! We can't win.
OP I agree that your DHs should be getting involved in his dc's schooling. It is not your responsibility. I do practical motherly things for my DSC but their education is none of my business. That is the job of their own parents.

Yes, the father should be stepping in. If, however, he can't - if he's out at work till late all week, for example - then should the OP just say, oh well, that's the children's problem, they'll just have to carry on being behind at school? Or should she try her hardest to help two children who need it, regardless of the fact she didn't give birth to them?

I don't think it's playing the role of mother to check if homework has been done and help if needs be any adult looking after a child can do that . If ds was being looked after by someone else for any reason I wouldn't be unhappy that they had helped with his homework just like I don't think schildren mum would be if I were to help them. I do understand it should be their dad but if he isn't there and you are then I don't see why it's not being done

It's not just a matter of homework though. The OP has said the children are struggling. She has also said that she will have to attend their parents' evening alone. She has also said that she works FT and has little spare time. This is much larger than her "just checking" if they have done their homework or not. This is a matter of the parent(s) delegating responsibility for the childrens' education to a SP who clearly does not have enough time on her hands (nor the inclination - and fair enough, it's not her responsibility).

Incidentally - if, for example, the OP attends parents evening and it turns out that the reason one or both of the children is struggling is due to special educational needs, the OP does not then have the authority to take the required steps to follow this up.