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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Dss and his ex

38 replies

AuntyVirus · 14/10/2013 03:07

My Dss has a five month old baby with a woman who is now his ex , she also has a dd from previous relationship.

His ex decided 2 month ago that Dss was no longer allowed to visit the children , and that he was no longer a part of their lives .

Out of the blue last week ex contacted Dss to see if he wanted to go visit the children which he did . He visited them on Saturday where after an hour of her demanding money from him and been verbally abusive to him she asked him to leave.

Dss has been putting money aside for his son plus this woman never named Dss on birth certificate so he is now in the process of going through the courts for a parental responsibility order ( I think it's called ) .

Yesterday he received a text message of ex , of what her children would like for Christmas, this included £100 off Dss dad and myself aswell as clothes and toys for both her children.

We really don't know what to do , We don't want to give into this woman's demands , after all she has refused to let us see our grandson since he was 2 weeks old .We did intend to open a bank account for grandson and buy him some gifts that would stay at our house in the hope that one day we will be allowed to have him visit us , but I don't want to feel as though we are denying our grandson if we don't buy him something that she wants .

OP posts:
NotYoMomma · 15/10/2013 15:10

heneeds to go to court and sort out payment via csa and do it all officially and reasonably. patience and reasonableness will win out

FedupAngrySad · 15/10/2013 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AuntyVirus · 15/10/2013 16:17

Hi thank you for all replies and advice , Dss has contacted csa but I won't know till later what was said or what will happen now . Will csa contact ex and tell her what she is entitled too and is it usually done within days of the procedure starting does anyone know .

OP posts:
YoureBeingADick · 15/10/2013 16:20

Yes they will contact her to confirm everything dss has said- ie that he is the father and that he has no contact.

It certainly wont be sorted in a matter if days. CSA took 4 months from me contacting them to even get in touch with exp. Shock ive hounded them now and things are moving more quickly. But it's likely to take several weeks minimum to sort. Sorry.

Original poster
AuntyVirus · 15/10/2013 16:27

Thanks your, I meant will they contact her within days, should he keep money aside to give her in the meantime aslong as he gets her to sign a receipt as proof of payment to her.

OP posts:
YoureBeingADick · 15/10/2013 16:47

They might contact her in the next few days- they might drag their heels. They dont seem to have standard time frames IME.

Tell him to keep putting the money aside for the baby. The CSA will backdate any child support to the date the claim was first made so she will still get what he owes once they work out what his payment is.

ChinaCupsandSaucers · 15/10/2013 16:53

It's not quite so simple when the NRP applies to the CSA - the RP can refuse to co-operate and not enter into an agreement - the CSA can't force her to accept the money!

The backdating begins once the RP accepts the CSA agreement - any money paid prior to that should be via bank transfer or cheque to ensure there is a record.

Original poster
AuntyVirus · 15/10/2013 17:26

I didn't know that she could refuse the money through csa, this is something I think ex would do , but hopefully she will prove me wrong .

OP posts:
ChinaCupsandSaucers · 15/10/2013 17:35

I thought it might be, that's why I mentioned it.

She has to be willing to provide bank details etc- if she doesn't want to accept financial support from your DSS - she's under no legal obligation to accept it.

CSA was set up to pursue NRP who do not provide for their DCs - it is ill placed to act on behalf of DCs whose RP refuse to accept support willingly offered.

elliebellys · 16/10/2013 09:25

Whether she accepts the csa claim or not,at least your dss knows nd can prove he has tried to financially provide for his child..if she does refuse,do not hand over cash,even if its sighned for csa can still try nd claim arrears anyway. Cos pwc can still say it wss just a gift.

Original poster
AuntyVirus · 16/10/2013 17:12

Dss has text ex to ask for her bank details, she is refusing to give them saying she only has a post office account .
He said she had one when they were together , as her child benefit used to get paid into it . This may sound stupid but will paying her by postal order be an option .

OP posts:
ChinaCupsandSaucers · 16/10/2013 18:18

He's opened a case with the CSA - he needs to let that to take its course while he secures court-ordered contact and PR for his DD.
Anything he pays direct, in any form, will be disregarded by the CSA unless his ex confirms it was maintenance.
I suggest he puts the money to one side and then when contact is sorted out, he can ensure his DD benefits from it.

Original poster
AuntyVirus · 17/10/2013 11:31

Thank you china , I will tell him to carry on doing what he has always done for now .

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