Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

What does shared residency actually involve?

191 replies

nicknamegame · 01/10/2013 22:29

I don't wish to start a thread about a thread as I know it's not the done thing, so if you want some background - I posted on AIBU last night.

Basically what I'd like to know is what a shared residency order actually involves in terms of decisions made regarding the child. I know that issues such as schooling etc needs to be joint, as well as medical care, but what about changing the child's appearance? My dd's hair has been cut quite short without letting me know and I wondered where this all falls under the 'shared' residency. (If it does at all)

TIA

Anyone have an order that they can shed some light on regarding these matters? (Perhaps it's a legal question I need to ask, apologies if so)

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Bonsoir · 07/10/2013 13:03

Oh well, let's just wait until her DD is 12 and wants to go and live with her dad full time...

TheMumsRush · 07/10/2013 13:07

I know that won't happen! And we are all still waiting for your "proof". You are a joke!

Bonsoir · 07/10/2013 13:10

You are all unsupportive to the OP. I'm sure you mean well, but she is in serious danger of alienating her DD in the long term.

TheMumsRush · 07/10/2013 13:10

Blah blah blah!

TheMumsRush · 07/10/2013 13:11

Because of a wart! Get a grip woman

Bonsoir · 07/10/2013 13:11

Very useful comment there.

TheMumsRush · 07/10/2013 13:14

What? Get a grip? I think so to

elliebellys · 07/10/2013 13:15

Just like your dss,s bonsoir,im beginning to wonder if it was totally their decision to live full time with you,or maybe they where constantly told how awful their mum was looking after them nd how much better you could do it.you should change your name to saint bonsoir cos after all no one parents their kids as good as you.

basgetti · 07/10/2013 13:16

You do realise, Bonsoir, that you are talking about an actual parent? A mother who provides the majority of care for her child and works hard and sounds like she provides her daughter with a nice, well balanced life? It may be an amusing past time for you to goad and bait the OP in this manner but it is a pretty shitty thing to do.

TheMumsRush · 07/10/2013 13:17

Ellie, I thought the same thing!

Bonsoir · 07/10/2013 13:19

Absolutely my DSSs' decision. We spend a great deal of time encouraging them to see their mother. But children grow up and prefer better care.

TheMumsRush · 07/10/2013 13:21

Or are brain washed!

Bonsoir · 07/10/2013 13:22

Don't be silly. You cannot brainwash intelligent teenagers. They make their own decisions - neither their mother nor their father makes their decisions these days.

The OP is very naïve.

Original poster
nicknamegame · 07/10/2013 13:24

I've reported Bonsoir.

OP posts:
elliebellys · 07/10/2013 13:24

Im sure they heard it continuosly from you bonsoir..

basgetti · 07/10/2013 13:25

What evidence do you have that the OP's ExH would provide better care? On looking at previous threads I've seen plenty of evidence to the contrary. Or are you just going to make vague insults again without backing them up?

clam · 07/10/2013 13:31

Not sure there are grounds for reporting, tbh. You might not like what bonsoir is saying, but she is nonetheless entitled to say it, as long as she does not hurl insults, and I don't believe she has. Not her style! Wink

TensionSquealsGhoulsHeels · 07/10/2013 13:33

She's goading the OP clam, and I believe that's against talk guidelines.

Bonsoir · 07/10/2013 13:34

I'm not goading the OP in the slightest - I'm trying to help her help herself. I'm giving her practical advice as to how to manage shared parenting and, critically, retain her role as her DD's main carer and role model.

Original poster
nicknamegame · 07/10/2013 13:35

You're right. Her style is to goad, then goad some more under a grammatically articulate veil of insincere concern, then when she has successfully derailed a thread, she disappears. Frankly though, anyone who calls another parent neglectful with nothing to support it, is very insulting in my book.

OP posts:
TheMumsRush · 07/10/2013 13:36

Nickname, not all sm's are like the one you are dealing with. We are not all that crazy Wink.

Original poster
nicknamegame · 07/10/2013 13:37

Oh I know that:) don't worry. Most on here are normal loving step parents who haven't elevated themselves to the dizzy heights of perfection!

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 07/10/2013 13:44

You are taking the easy way out by dismissing my opinion, that is different to your own (but very informed as to the situation you are in) as goading.

Original poster
nicknamegame · 07/10/2013 13:46

Yes Bonsoir. You're SO informed about my situation that you refuse to outline your reasons for my neglect.
You refuse to actually explain yourself and dismiss the opinions of every single other poster who has asked you to do the same. Easy way out, indeed.

OP posts:
givemeaboost · 07/10/2013 13:46

bonsoir you do talk guff and sound very similar to my dcs sm.

IMO UNLESS the dc's live with the sp, the sp should take a back seat in their upbringing, it is the dcs mother and fathers job only.

too many times (including my dcs sm) do I hear of step mums trying to be all that. Most of the time I think its jealousy- especially if the sm has not got the chance to have a child with the father of the children herself- there seems to be jealousy of the co-parenting relationship and so barriers are put up by the sm to make co-parenting difficult/strained/impossible