Yesterday, DSS (16) was in our bedroom, solely because he needed to print something out (i wasn't aware of this at the time). At one point I heard banging and thumping around upstairs and asked DH to go up and see what was going on. Turns out both DSSs were play? fighting in our bedroom, on our bed. I was very annoyed, and said to DH that I don't want them in our bedroom anymore. Not only is that the one room in our house that I can have any privacy, but I think I can reasonably expect to not having a young adult model and his teenage brother fighting on my bed.
Roll forward to today. I was walking upstairs and saw DSS1 walking into my bedroom. 5 mins before, I had been busy on the computer in the bedroom (online banking) and also had out some underwear on radiator to dry. Had only left room to go to loo. I spoke to DH and turns out he'd told DSS he could use put computer.
I was very annoyed and DH couldn't understand why. We have a laptop FGS. Am do cross. I don't think I'm unreasonable in not wanting to have a 16 year old male in my bedroom, let alone seeing my private banking details. Am just having a rant here!
Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.
Step-parenting
Teenage stepsons in our bedroom
allnewtaketwo · 07/10/2012 20:17
allnew have you been leaving <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=sex+swing&start=250&hl=en&client=safari&sa=X&rls=en&biw=1915&bih=893&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=FSRWd3613Rbh8M:&imgrefurl=www.kaboodle.com/reviews/the-4-point-sex-swing-stand&docid=Aez4mBNKwMkr9M&imgurl=cn1.kaboodle.com/img/c/0/0/18a/f/AAAADCmom_4AAAAAAYr-Eg/the-4-point-sex-swing-stand.jpg%253Fv%253D1317190994000&w=210&h=300&ei=XyV0UPngLIqy0QX724HABQ&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=546&sig=114597476516816652025&page=5&tbnh=138&tbnw=97&ndsp=66&ved=1t:429,r:52,s:250,i:64&tx=62&ty=37" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">this out again, I've told you about that before. 
You are making very wide-ranging assumptions. My DH is unhappy with the way in which his childrens' mother controls them, and the effects on the children yes. You think me letting them wrestle in my bed will solve this?
I said I was cross on Sunday and needed a rant. An unhappy person this does not make me in general .
Actuall I wouldn't describe DSS1 as "unhappy". My observation is that he is currently unaware that his mother's behaviour is inappropriate, or indeed that the way he is as a result is unusual. If he was more aware of all of this (and he's likely to become so as he grows older) this may well make him unhappy. But currently - no, I wouldn't describe him as unhappy.
"Something needs to change" - well thinking of cause and effect, the most critical change needed would either be to remove them from their mother or stop her parenting in this way. It is not within our control to action either of these.
I'm sorry I haven't trawled through the whole thread but wanted to add my support. My DSD is the same, although younger so slightly less disturbing.
My DD comes in to our bed every morning. She is six. She knows all by herself that she needs to come in to my side rather than her stepdad's and only goes in the middle if I suggest it (ie. becuase I know that DH A, has boxers on and B, has been awake long enough that he doesn't have a hard on!) I reckon that situation would be similar if she were both of our biological child. Maybe not, but I don't think it bothers her. Well, it's what's she's always chosen to do. At her dad's house she gets in to her stepmum's side first.
But anyway, I digress. When we were teenagers we weren't allowed in Mum and Dad's room unless we asked first. We had free rein on the rest of the house, and expected our parents not to hang out in our rooms so fair was fair. So I always struggled with how DSD would just waltz in to our room. I'd often come in from my shower to find her on the bed with the wall mirror taken off the wall so she could do her make up or hair (with my hairdrier) She would also come in to the bathroom and use the toilet whilst either of us were showering etc.
Her mother has no boundries at all. They still bathed together last I heard which was when DSD was turning 13. Now, I don't care if I am flamed - that is just plain WRONG! As a result DSD had no concept of privacy or personal space and I hated it. Not her fault, as with your DSSs, but annoying never the less.
Still as I always say with things like that, I don't see her at all now and I often wish that I could have her in my room using my hairbrush and begging me to do her eyeshadow for her 
I'm sure it wasn't intended to sound this way, but I can't help feeling that as step parents we aren't allowed to take any responsibility or praise for when the kids are good or if they turn out well, but when they are "unhappy, institutionalisd and underdeveloped" Suddenly the solution is all in our hands
Personally Allnew, I would begin the new rule that they aren't allowed in your bedroom (and also that you aren't allowed in to theirs.. you know, for fairness... with the added bonus that you can't collect dirty clothes or change beds etc 
) then let their dad and their mother deal with their other issues. Those issues are nothing to do with whether they're allowed in your bedroom or not.
You said "A young adult model" in your OP - I was going down a very wrong road thinking that I wouldn't mind a young adult model play fighting on my bed 
It's a long story but to cut it short, her mother is a narrcististic, possesive, insecure, infantilising, dependant, lying, she-devil and after a four year long campaign to belittle DSD and her father's relationship whilst painting herself as some kind of mother theresa, DSD finally decided she didn't want to see DH anymore, or anyone in his family or friendship group. Very sad.
I doubt they were much interested in your underwear if it's any consolation.
I don't have stepchildren but would like to think that if I did, any boundaries for them would be the same as any for my biological children. I wouldn't ban my dc from my bedroom. I might encourage them to play fight elsewhere but an outright ban would feel like a rejection to someone who is already insecure and unsure of his place in the family. This blended family stuff sounds like bloody hard work.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.