Is this crazy???

[Kaluki]

Me again. With yet another problem!!!
DP's bible contract states that he has his dc from for the August bank holiday weekend. He will have had them for 2 weeks in August as well, so they literally go home for a few days then he has them back for the long weekend.
Usually this is fine. This year my DC are away with their Dad for that weekend so I will be child free which again is usually not a problem.

We got an invitation this morning to a close friends wedding in Portugal on the BH weekend. It is a once in a lifetime event - I would love to go but don't want to go by myself so I asked him to change the weekend or even miss seeing them just for once.
Oh NO. Can't possibly. He won't even ask his ex.
His solution is to have the dc anyway, drive them to his parents and then we go to the wedding and he picks them up from his parents and drops them home as usual! His parents live a 4 hour drive away from our house.
Is this madness or what? His ex will (understandably) hit the roof when she finds out that he has dumped them on his parents to bugger off abroad with me. His DC will be confused and upset that they are not having a weekend with him as expected. He will literally spring it on them in the car so they can't tell their Mum the plans beforehand
Am I being selfish? I have never asked him to change/cancel a weekend with them.

I think there certainly has to be a compromise and that kaluki should be prepared to do things alone and allow her do time to see his kids. However, when your dp won't compromise over contact for one off special occasions it can feel very one sided.

Thats the crux of my problem Redhen.
I have juggled things with my dc in the past for DP but he won't do the same for me. Its all about his kids all the bloody time.
His justification is always "but you LIVE with your kids" or "but you get on with your ex" etc...

Ha! And doesn't he wonder why you "get on" with your ex? Possibly because you've used wisdom, insight, planning etc to make sure that it happens! Good separated relationships don't just happen !

He says we get on because we weren't married and our break up therefore wasn't as traumatic!!!
Because obviously his divorce is far worse than me finding out that my ex was having an affair when I was 7 months pregnant and subsequently becoming homeless and jobless and having to move from one end of the country to the other with an asthmatic toddler and a newborn baby was a piece of piss compared to his devastating time - he even got to keep his house FFS.

Sorry went off on one there

"His justification is always "but you LIVE with your kids" or "but you get on with your ex" etc... "

I get told exactly the same thing, Kaluki.

Now DSD lives with us, it's still happening. It's OK for me to "encourage" DS to see his Dad when he doesn't want to go, for me to tell DS that it's not convenient to do X,Y or Z but doesn't apply the same principles for DSD who now does live with us! What a surprise - not!

As for your DP excuse about why you get on with your ex, I've split up from my ex husband and my ex partner and they were both as traumatic, it made no difference that one gave me a ring and one didn't!