So annoyed with Stepson, I have to tell him off - how?

[W0rmy]

Now I have become accustomed to just how much he eats and have accounted for this when he stays by buying in bulk, and I know that he will raid the fridge and the larder and hunt down the reserve jar of chocolate spread so when I say "would you like some bread with that spread" - he can't smart arse me back with his knowledge of ample supplies.

BUT

When I prepare DHs packed lunch the night before I DO NOT expect it to be stolen from the fridge by DSS when he rolls in at two in the morning and is too lazy to get something for himself.

I was particularly irritated at 6am when I thought all I had to do is make a cuppa and a flask of coffee, only to find I have to make a packed lunch AGAIN!

AND the blighter is still in bed as we speak, I have already dragged the hoover down the stairs with the plug trailing and bouncing off every wooden step, and hoovered the entire downstairs.

Once I have managed to 'accidentally' wake him, how do I effectively tell off an eighteen year old with a sassy mouth?

Oh dear. How long have you known DS for? Has it always been this way? Does he live with you?

I would have hoovered HIM at 6 in the morning to purposefully wake him up, then let DH dish out a bollocking as it was his packed lunch that got eaten...
is DSS normally so inconsiderate?

Don't tell him off. Just tell him he owes his dad £2.75 as he had to buy a sandwich from Boots. And take it out of his allowance.

I really think it probably needs a more strategic approach than docking him £2.75

I've known him since he was 5, he's normally pretty good actually (as teenagers go) which is why I have to let him know this is not on.

he is practically living with us at the moment as he comes here to study, - says he can concentrate better - I suspect it's more to do with better stocked shelves.

I think as your dss has taken his father's lunch, it's down to dss to replace/pay for it. So I wouldn't remake it.

What does dh say?

What did dss say when you asked him not to touch his dad's lunch in the frig?

Does his father not say anythign to him?

If this behaviour is acceptable to his father he can go to work with an empty lunchbox and a flask of tea.

I can't see how one goes about telling off an eighteen year old.... I'm planning on turfing mine out to live by their own rules if they refuse to live by mien at that age! (famous last words, I'll be back and let you know how I got on when they actually hit that age!)

Ooh, perhaps I'll make him prepare DHs lunch and flask at 6am tomorrow...

He's going out tonight so will probably roll in around that time anyway...

Is it worth stocking up on stuff he can gorge on just while he's there? Lot's of bread and snacky stuff by the sounds of it! So there's plenty of spare food you're not bothered about and he doesn't have to eat dad's lunch?!

If you've got bread there's no reason he can't prepare his own stuff. Make it clear to him that it's not acceptable but that you're perfectly fine with him making stuff for himself if he's hungry.

LadyNada - DSS was still asleep when DH left (and still is now)

fuzzy - I look forward to your update

Tbh I wouldn't really have a situation where an 18yo was lazing around in bed at this time either. Maybe that's just the way I was brought up. It would drive me mad.

That's what annoyed me allnew - there was loads of stuff he could have eaten but he was too lazy to butter a few slices of bread !

It really isn't a big deal is it? Being an 18 year old lad and eating a sandwich out of the fridge oooooo eerrrrrrrrr high drama. Let's start a post about it.

In any case, isn't it just a bit Stepford to be making sandwiches for a grown man and getting up at 6pm to fill his flask? I'm sure the father couldn't give a shit and would have been quite happy to have made himself another sandwich.

allnewtaketwo - Do you have children?

I suppose a sandwich isn't high drama, but a lack of respect for other family members is.

Yes MrsJ, I do

It is a big deal when it's clear that food has been made for someone else, yes. I'm asking for advice on how to tell him it's not on so he won't be so selfish again.

I'm not interested in whether you think I should make DH's lunch, your comments are laughable.

Or perhaps you didn't mean to be so rude?

I meant previously, yesterday, what did he say when you asked him not to touch his dad's lunch? But I suppose you didn't say anything because it should be obvious to most that the food was a packed lunch for his dad.

I think it's daft to examine W0rmy's family dynamic wrt to lunch box making. Let's respect how she and her dh choose to meter out the chores and not criticise their choices.

So. DSS has pinched his dad's lunch, again I'm assuming it wasn't specifically pointed out to him that he shouldn't, because the boy should've known not to touch it out of common courtesy.

So I think I would speak to dh about how to talk to dss about it, but I would want to say how it inconvenienced me this morning, how rude and inconsiderate and lazy and selfish and stupid it was of him to take the food, and that henceforth I will not be remaking lunches at 6am, but I will take a bucket of cold water to dss's bed to wake him up so he can make his dad's lunch.

You could also suggest that dss does what I used to do - make food/order takeaway before going out, stash it in the frig, microwave it when I got in.

Ignore MrsJ - it always amazes me when people think they can question the validity of a post.

His age isn't really relevant - just deal with it as you would any other adult. Talk to him about it and ask him firmly not to do it again.

I really like your style LadyNada, thank you for your posts.

Another thing MrsJAP, I come here to chat with other stepmums who might have something useful to say or mothers of teenagers would have a helpful input, it's a place to chew things over , get the benefit of others' experiences - it's lighthearted really if you can sense the tone of the thread

Your posts are really quite odd.

Maryz. Yes I suspect him upstairs will do the same when he finally surfaces.

Wormy - some people think step-mothers should be seen and not heard. Therefore by virtue of the fact that you have an opinion, you are breaking this rule

Ask him whether he enjoyed the dog food sandwich you left in the fridge for him.

I'd say something along the lines of "Oi, Buggerlugs! Nick your dad's packed lunch out of the fridge again and you'll be up at 6am making another one, hungover or not, you lazy git." That's how I'd say it to my 19 year old lad, anyway.

i would get your stepson to make his dad's lunch for a couple of days. at the same time he can make a snack for himself, put it in the fridge and have it himself when he gets back late. Just a thought.