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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Found raunchy photos of me under dss bed

46 replies

shockedstepmother · 18/01/2006 22:07

Title says it all. I was vaccuming yesterday morning and found 2 photos of me in sexy underwear that dh had taken 5 years ago, wearing stockings and suspenders and with my boobs out.

This follows on from me finding dss with a pair of my (clean) knickers in his bed about 9 months ago.

dh spoke to him last night and he was in floods of tears and couldn't explain why he'd got them.

He had obviously been through my bedside drawer where they were hidden deep under some other personal stuff and taken them out of the photo folder.

I came home from work last night and spoke to him and he was just "I don't know" "You're more than a mum to me" "I don't fancy you". On pushing him, he admitted to having found them months ago and when I was out on Sunday, he went and stole them.

Not only am I mortified about the fact that he apparently felt the need to perve over photos of me, but also that he has been going through my personal belongings.

dh's gutted and we ended up having a row last night because I said I was worried about dss's motives and how this impacted on his relationship with me.

OP posts:

NomDePlume · 20/01/2006 09:23

FFS, it is pornography (albeit soft), featuring YOU ! That is certainly something I'd MAKE SURE was kept secure from my own teenage step-sons !

Beetroot · 20/01/2006 09:34

Blimey I have never thought I would have to lock up things in my own house. Maybe it is different with step children.

I guess you are having to now though.

My vote is for raging hormones ...fgs don't make him feel too bad, he must be mortified already.

lou33 · 20/01/2006 10:00

Get a lock put on your bedroom door. I had to do this after my kids found my vibrators one day when i was out, and started swordfighting in the hall with them.

NotActuallyAMum · 20/01/2006 11:29

lou33 sorry but PMSL at that

I need a laugh today too - thank you

bev1e · 20/01/2006 11:46

I feel sorry for your poor SS. It's bad enough at 13 to think your parents (or step-parents) are doing IT let alone finding piccies of your step-mum with her boobs hanging out. Granted he shouldn't be going through your stuff but it's all part of growing up.

morningpaper · 20/01/2006 11:50

I agree with Turquoise

It's not awful

I used to go through my parents stuff and at 13 I was very confused about my feelings for cousins/brothers/extended family. Sorting out those feelings are all part of growing up.

If you don't think its filthy then why are you so offended? You KNOW it's soft porn featuring YOU. Lock it up.

Prettybird · 20/01/2006 11:57

A wee thought: were the photgraphs hidden underneant the bed - or were they obvious?

He might be just as annoyed that you were going through his stuff (but with less justification).

Is there any way that he might have suspected that there were photos or anything else intersting in your bedise drawer? .... and what might be in your dh's drawer?

shimmy21 · 20/01/2006 12:01

Come off it MP - how many of us actually have a locked draw which contains our 'rude' things. I for one never thought that I'd need to lock my bedside knicker drawer until ds (then 8) came downstairs with his mate giggling saying 'we know all your secrets'. Yes they really did. Jessica Rabbit included.

DS was given a stern lesson about what is out of bounds and my knicker drawer is still not locked. We don't make a habit of padlocking our bedside table and I don't intend to.

shimmy21 · 20/01/2006 12:02

my post in reply to earlier comments saying lock it up -not the recent one

morningpaper · 20/01/2006 12:02

If I had soft porn of myself I would lock it away yes

Sadly I left it all with a psychotic ex-boyfriend though

shimmy21 · 20/01/2006 12:03

and I meant NDP not MP sorry

satine · 20/01/2006 12:10

I realise that it must have been quite a shock to find these pictures in your ss's room but 13 must be a nightmare age for boys, and all I'd say is be careful how you handle this. I remember when I first discovered masturbation - I didn't quite understand about (ahem) only doing it in private and was quite cavalier about it (not on the bus, you understand, or in Army and Navy, but still) and my parents just sat me down and very matter of factly pointed out my error. I sometimes think that their down to earth and frank manner helped me and my brother grow up with a very healthy attitude to sexuality. I'm not suggesting for a second that you don't have this kind of attitude, and who knows how my parents would have reacted in your situation but I'm just saying, he's mortified already, be careful not to make it worse.

lou33 · 20/01/2006 13:10

Not only do i have a lock on my door now, i also have a safe. Despite several strips being torn off dd1 for going through my things, she continued to do so. That combined with the swordfighting forced my hand. I quite like being able to have the privacy actually, i wish i had done it years ago. The kids have to make do with ktichen roll tubes for their swords now tho, so i dont think they are too happy.

shimmy21 · 20/01/2006 13:23

Yes, but Lou do you keep your 'personal' items in your safe or just your weapons?!

lou33 · 20/01/2006 13:25

both

Original poster

shockedstepmother · 20/01/2006 21:20

NDP. I don't consider it porn. And as for everyone who says, lock it up. ds knows he is not allowed in our bedroom without permission and certainly not allowed to nose through our personal belongings. These photos had been buried in the bottom of a drawer for the past 5 years ffs. When I asked him what he was hoping to find, he said he didn't know.

Regardless of whate he found, he has betrayed a trust.

OP posts:

Original poster

shockedstepmother · 20/01/2006 21:27

I've tried really hard not to make him feel bad beety and done quite well so far! However, when you get a load of back-chat just for asking him to pick his towel off the floor after his shower, it's hard to hold your tongue! I feel very tense and it has out a strain on our relationship for the time being.

I' sure it is just hormones and probably doesn't matter that it was pictures of me - maybe dh needs to buy him a copy if Razzle or something! Doesn't make me feel any less upset though.

Oh and fwiw, for those of you being so judgemental about the fact that I have this "filth" in my house, surely a man and wife are allowed to have some fun and expect their privacy.

OP posts:

Beetroot · 22/01/2006 09:25

I don't consisder it porn either and woujld not expect to lock up my stuff in my own house. Good luck.

my3kids · 22/01/2006 09:48

what can i say boys will be boys.

Marne · 22/01/2006 10:47

Shockedstepmother, poor you and poor dss, he must of been so embarassed when you and dh spoke to him about it.
I have a 13 year old dss, i dont know how i would feel if this happend to me, dss does'nt live with us so i hope somthing like this will not happen to us, i get on realy well with dss but 13 year olds can be realy odd, all those hormones, i dont think anyone understands what goes on in they're heads.
Do'nt be hard on the poor boy.

lou33 · 22/01/2006 12:56

My kids knows they arent allowed to be in my room and go through my stuff as well, but they do, so after many battles. the lock went on. I like it, and it made them realise i was serious.

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