Would it be wrong to say DSD can't come

[crazykat]

We're supposed to be having DSD over night tomorrow (last minute change again) but her mum wants her back by 10am as she wants DSD to open her presents before they drive over 2 hours to family for christmas dinner. I'll be left with our three DC's aged 3, 2 and 1 for the 40 mins it takes DH to take DSD home while trying to get dinner on for the second year running.

Problem is DH has come down with an aweful virus and has had today off work and hasn't been able to get out of bed which is not like him at all - he usually just gets on with it and goes to work. I don't drive and he's in no fit state to and I don't see him being up to it tomorrow either.

I can't cope with all four on my own along with all the last minute stuff I've got to do tomorrow. Plus I've kept the DC's away from him today as he's not up to having them driving him nuts and he's most likely contagious. If I can't get someone to get DSD tomorrow I know for a fact she won't listen to me if I tell her to stay out of our room and will be in there with DH and he will say she's fine in there but it's not fair on our three when I've not let them in so DH can rest and hopefully be better by sunday yet DSD will be allowed.

Would it be wrong if I say DH isn't well enough for DSD to come and stop - which he isn't. We'll be seeing her boxing day at in-laws and having her overnight which was the original arrangement?

Well as you dh can't drop her back then YANBU, also there is a high risk that DSD will catch what seems a nasty virus?

How old is DSD? Could she not help with your younger DCs?

If I was her mum, I probably wouldn't want her coming over as she might get whatever he has! Is he being sick as well-that would clinch it for me.

It's really not nice whatever it is, DS and DD2 have just got rid of it but it seems to have hit DH hard as he won't listen and rest.

DSD is 9 and won't help with anything unfortunately unless others are around but that's a whole other thread.

I just don't want DH saying he's fine when he isn't purely so DSD can come (like the last time he was quite ill) and then spending the rest of his time off in bed. Problem is getting DH to see that it's what's best for everone including DSD.

Well she can't get home and so that would be a reason but as for other reasons I don't think that's good enough. She is part of your family and Not an extra. She may well want to be with dh, he is her dad. Parents have to get on with when sick, part of life.

I wish you were her mum. She isn't bothered as long as she gets what she wants - DSD out of her hair. DH has been sick a couple of times and I can see me coming down with it just in time for DH's return to work like usually happens.

I'd tell them she is welcome to come but her mum will have to arrange drop off and pick up.

Lecture DH about staying in bed out of bounds including dsd and lay it down on dsd as well, but then that's just me.

Does her mum know DH is ill?

I'd tell them she is welcome to come but her mum will have to arrange drop off and pick up

I think this may be the way to go. Ring and say he's v unwell and say it's up to her if DSD still comes, but obviously he won't be able to collect her and neither will you as you'll have the younger ones so she'll have to. What is she likely to say to this?

I know she's part of our family but she wouldn't be able to be with her dad just like our DC's haven't. They haven't seen him all day as he's been stuck in bed. They accept that they have to stay away from him but DSD won't just like last time DH was ill like this, and it isn't fair. Plus I don't think she'd be too happy if she catches it and is ill christmas day when it could be avoided.

DSD's mum doesn't know he's ill. He thinks he'll be fine by morning, if he isn't I'm going to ring and tell her (DSD's mum) DH isn't well.

She isn't likely to be too happy about having to do the running around, she wouldn't even take DSD to MIL's which is round the corner, DH had to go get her before she was old enough to walk round on her own.

1st paragraph YABU
2nd para YANBU
3rd para YABU
4th para YANBU
Computer says 50/50

Nope we are definitely not in AIBU.

Computer says D'oh!

I was just trying to be concise!

Has he been to the Doctors?

I've phoned NHSdirect and they said it sounds like flu and to keep an eye on his temperature and make sure he has plenty to drink, which is what I've been doing anyway.

TBH with DSD's mum it depends what mood she's in. Sometimes she can be selfcentered and not want her plans disrupting even though it's what's best for her daughter. I don't want DSD to catch whatever DH has gt as it must be bad for him to not be able to get up even for a little bit.

What are you going to do, OP-how is he this morning?

He's a little better but not much, he seems to have stopped being sick.

He's told DSD's mum he's too ill for her to come.

I'm just hoping he'll be better for tomorrow even if it's just long enough to see the DC's open presents and then goes back to bed.

Hope he's much better in the morning. Glad your dsd is being spared from risking catching it.

YANBU. you wouldn't invite your mother (for example) if you were too illl to entertain her, and she's a family member, so I'm not sure why your step daughter should be treated any differently, step kids should not have elevated status within families.

Perhaps you could do as the other poster suggested, and tell the ex she'll have to drop off/pick up. As regards the risk of step daughter catching the illness - my DH's ex would still send her son to us even if we all had bubonic plague, just to get him out of her hair.

Just a quick update - DH got a lot worse last night so we ended up in a&e in the night. He's been admitted with suspected meningitis and has to have scans and tests done later today.

Officially the worst christmas.

Oh dear. Hope he gets better soon

Oh no
hope he gets better soon

Oh God, thats just what you need at Christmas

Hope he makes a very speedy recovery