A new home?

[Abip]

I wanted to ask the step-parents here whether buying a home together with your dp's have helped at all?

I was hoping to buy a home together to get a bit of neutral ground.

Had another weekend of headaches and stress. Dp put something away and i could not find it, spent an hour looking for it and dss found it in the loft.

We went food shopping and were still arguing (ridculous as its just a car stereo but all my things get put away and I never find them, just confirms in my mind that its not my home)

Dp says well when your calm you can thank dss for finding it. Well talk about red rag to a bull!!! DSS does nothing !!! No job sits in bed at midday no work around the house etc...

This resulted in dp getting out of the car and walking home. I went home about half hour later. When I got home dss had just got up, we all argued.

DSS had the cheek to say I am fucking miserable and he wishes Id fuck off. I said you do nothing and sponge whilst me and your dad pay to keep the house going and he should be doing more, and he said to me you could do more!!! (For those who dont know I am at college full-time, working evenings and weekends also)

I have had it. I have told dp I will do nothing for him, and if he wants to indulge this behaviour he does so but does NOT EXPECT ME TO. It's so one sided me doing all the giving up and sacrifices. But to me my home is everything and if you have no funds you can at least relax at home.

I have given dp the ultimatum we either buy a house together where I can feel at home and not in his ex wifes place, or I will be leaving.

Will Neutral ground work ladies and gents??

so what do you suggest redhen? i really need some sound advice. I love him so much but feel utterley taken the piss out of.

I lived on my own with the children for years and boyfriends came and went as it didnt work and I wouldn't commit.

I finally found someone who was worth all the effort and sacrifices I had to make even with the trouble his son brings.

If we split I wil never trust another man again. My ex husband treated me appallingly and I had to go bankrupt as he did one. So for me to trust again was a big BIG deal to me.

Yes, I know Redhen .... but it would still be a joint mortgage, even if deposits were ringfenced or clauses drawn up re: division of equity at sale and so on. It might just be the case (clutching at straws ?) that Abip's DP doesn't understand how mortgages work and what options are available hence him talking about his and her mortgages and it might perhaps offer you some reassurance Abip if the pair of you spoke to either a mortgage broker and/or a solicitor for some pre-purchase advice ?

But having said that I do get the vibe from what you've written that he's throwing obstacles in the way of a purchase.

CM, Yes, I wondered if Abip's DP doesn't really understand mortgages, thinking that a "joint" mortgage means giving complete access to the other party of their assets already built up. Maybe if he realised that it doesn't have to be like that, he might be a bit more open minded to the idea?

There is no way buying a house together will help this situation :(

Abip,

Only you can make the decision. Your thoughts and feelings resonate so strongly with me. Your comment on not committing to anyone for years until DP came along and making sacrifices is my life too. I think you need time to adjust and think, don't make a hasty decision while you are so angry and upset.

Personally, I don't think a new home for you all is the real answer, it might hide the cracks that are there in your relationship for a while, but I think the real issue is your DP attitude towards how DSS treats you. I think he needs to change. Don't dismiss MJ's idea of living apart, DSS will be off hand in a few years and then, maybe living together could be done then. Some people commented on my thread in relationships saying they lived very happily apart and had good relationships with their OH's because of it.