Hello!
I am a newbie so be gentle with me.. :)
I dont know where this quite fits in amongst this forum so I thought I would post here..
I joined because I need to talk about my step daughter, I have very good friends but I think I need to find outside help or maybe someone who has been through a similar situation or even just to hear I have done the right thing.
My husband and I have 4 children and he has a daughter from a previous relationship from when he was young and going through a very difficult time. The mother of this child, lets call the mom Jane and the daughter Amy, attended my school and was bullied for her learning difficulties,not by me I might add, she is 3 years older than me.
When I met my husband I was very shocked to find out he had a daughter, being so young, and that the mother was Jane. We have always got on, I have welcomed Amy into my family since day one and love her emormously.
Jane attended our wedding as Amy was a bridesmaid and as our family grew we have financially and emotionally supported Jane in her parenting skill and Amy in her becoming a beautiful 12 year old.
We have always had concerns about Amy's cleanliness and supplied new clothes and shoes as needed, she has in the past and now come here at weekends filthy and covered in nits once so bad, and the only time Jane and I had crossed words I used 2 toilets rolls, 2 bottles of conditioner, 7 hours over 2 days removing all the eggs and lice from her hair.
In the last few months Amy has been staying at ours less and less, we put it down to that now she was growing she would want to spend more time with her friends and less with us. We never questioned Janes motives for Amy's absence.
I recieved an email 9 days ago from a friend of mine, Rebecca who lives directly opposite Jane and Amy which has caused all what I am about to tell you.
Amy has been showing Rebecca's youngest child (6) sexually suggestive things on a doll, she had been sexually active with boys which Jane knows about, Jane gave Amy and 7 other 11 & 12 year olds vodka on Amy's 12th birthday without them knowing and got them so drunk that 4 of them were vomiting most of the night, Amy has been smoking and when we asked Jane about this she said she had told Amy she can smoke when she is 14 (!!!!), Jane she been showing Amy a dating site that she is subscribed to and have fun "teasing" the men, Jane has brough these men she has met on the internet back to the house and has taken them upstairs while Amy and her younger brother (not my husbands) have been downstairs, Amy has even taken friends in to listen to her mother doing "whatever" with these men.
Me and my husband went to the house to ask Jane about these accusations, NONE of which she denied! If anything she admitted to it all..
I am a very busy mom of 4, my days are cleaning and washing, I had never been in Jane's house and when I did I was appalled. This wasnt just pots in the sink and a good hoover and washing on the side, it was pure Kim and Aggy filth. There was no gas or electricity, the house was freezing and cold and stunk of damp. It was full of carrier bags of rubbish, and I dont mean the odd bag I mean 15 of stinking rubbish in the lounge alone.
We talked to Jane about Amy's behaviour and her parenting skills and were in a state of shock about what we heard. Amy had been witness to Jane's ex boyfriend taking herion by needles. This happened in November, around the time Amy has stopped coming. After she found him in the bathroom, along side a needle, powder, spoon and blood all over he pinned her up by her throat and threatened he would kill Jane if Amy told her. Amy told a friend who told school who told Jane.
Did we find out? NO..
We called school who have no details for Amy's father and with a note on her records that school isnt to discuss anything with me or my husband, as we have no parental responsibility for Amy.
Needless to say we removed Amy that night.
She was told to pack all her stuff and came with 1 set of school uniform, 1 pair of knickers, 1 pair of mens socks, a size 16 vest top (Amy is of average build for her age but Jane I would say was a 16), a size 16 long sleeve t shirt and a pair or harem trousers.. That is it.
We have bought/been given everything Amy needs. She now has enough clother/underwear/jamas to clothe a small army.
We are in the middle of claiming child tax (not recieved any money yet as Jane is still claiming) for her with a contribution from Jane of £5 per week.
We have the child protection officer from school coming tomorrow with all of Amys school records and to chat about what has been happening. We have arranged for Amy to see a psychologist as the things that happened with Jane's ex are so painful even I don't know the full story.
I am so worried that we will have to give Amy back, Amy misses her mother but loves it here.
Does anyone know what steps the social services will take?
I know what I class as a "fit" parent but what is the definitiion?
Would you have done the same?
From a stressed out step mom
x
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Step-parenting
.. to remove my step daughter from her mother??
AmberLights · 02/02/2011 11:38
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Yes I did.
It is a very confusing and frustrating situation.
The images and her dating page has been taken down.
Since my last update Jane has been evicted and is now living in a 3 bed house with her brother, sister in law, other brother, 2 children, plus James and a third on the way! Needless to say we find this situation inadequate for Amy.
I had no contact with the child protection officer at school for 4 weeks, I spoke to the headmaster and said if I do not get a call by the end of the school day I would take further action and remove Amy from school. She called me at 2pm and said she had mine and Jane's number mixed up and had been calling Jane and leaving messages for me.
Amy is seeing a psychologist in April.
I have JUST spoken to the social worker assigned to Jane who says that because Amy is in a safe place that no further action will be taken. Amy is not to be returned and no further help with be given to Jane or James!
He has advised us to remove Amy from the school she is at now for a clean break and the fact that it is 7 miles from where we live. We have also just found out that every morning Jane calls Amy when she is on the bus and meets her off the bus to walk her to school. Then when Amy finishes school she walks with her to the bus stop then calls her untill she gets home.
We have been advised for this to stop.
There is an incident almost every weekend Amy is with Jane.
Not this weekend but last Amy nan (Jane's mom) told Amy during a family argument that the next time she saw her would be in a wooden box and that she would learn about her death through the obituaries! Me and my husband have told Jane that Amy isn't allowed to have contact or see this Nan. This weekend we had a call saying we needed to go and get Amy from Jane's care as Amy was being verbally abusive and Jane could not cope. When Amy came home she was her normal cheery self. I asked her what happened and she said Jane had enforced a "no eating upstairs" rule for the new home which had made her mad!
I am stressed, my children are feeling the effects of the Jerry Springer-esque lifestyles of Amy's maternal family.
No one said that it would be this difficult
Thank you Astrophe for pointing out the mistake 
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