Struggling

[theredhen]

I am really struggling this weekend.

DP had a couple of run ins with my DS and although my DS doesn't help himself by arguing with him, I feel DP not always very fair and his own DC can do the same as DS but it gets laughed off or ignored.

I feel that all the rules for DS go out the window the moment DSC arrive and DP wants to create a fun time for them with no chores. He even let DD play games on mobile phone in the cinema today but he would go mad if DS did that!

When I try to implement just a few of the same chores and rules that I have for DS, DSC do a "go slow" and when DS dares to complain that he's picking up their slack, DP argues with him and defends his own DC. Or when DS doesn't do as he's told immediately, DP gets angry at him, but his own DC do that all the time!

Feel like it's them and us at the moment and as there are only 2 of us and 5 of them, I'm outnumbered. I also feel very upset that DP has recently critisised me for having a cuddle on the sofa with DS before bed but when his kids are here, I never get even a minute with DS as all my attention goes on his kids and right now, I'm begruding that.

MJ, I gave DS some money last week for getting such a good report at school. I told him not to talk about with anyone else, so I think I'm learning, but it makes me feel distinctly uncomfortable.

DP rushed out to buy DS some new clothes though, the moment I bought DS something new the other day. I wouldn't mind but it's only the third item of clothing I have bought him this year as all his clothes are hand me downs from his cousins. DSS could have some of DS hand me downs but DP refuses. And of course, DSC have a whole house full of clothes and toys somewhere else as well, but we must treat them all the same (when it suits). Maybe I need to learn that lesson from DP?

Yes, I take your point. I'm already thinking about Xmas and normally my ex would give me DS present before Xmas day so DS can open it on the day. If DS does that this year, DSC will complain he has more than them and then bugger off to Mums at 10am for far more than DS will get from his Dad. DP will feel sorry for them not spending all Xmas day with him and then buy them some more to make up for it.

Of course, whatever my ex buys DS will just get played with by DSC and probably taken back to Mum's when DS isn't looking anyway. When DS gets his own room I am going to get him a lockable box for all his valuable stuff.

Yes, I am definetely going to tell my ex not to give DS his present til boxing day or whenever he sees him, no need for him to open it at ours and after all, DSC won't be opening their presents from Mum and family at our house.

I can't add anything just wanted to reiterate something that mj said, and that I have only just learnt and that is that life doesn't stop on an accesss weekend. Previously all our social plans would have been made around access weekends, but as they have all changed recently and we're having dbd a lot more it's impossible and dh has now realised this. In fact I made a point about it when we were having a huge row heated discussion about it all (but that's all on another post!).

If we can we will arrange "family" type things for access weekends and grown up time without. However, sometimes things overlap and then we have to find a babysitter and who wants to babysit 5 kids? I know my babysitter that I've always used doesn't want to although she's happy to do it for DS.

Got something coming up in a couple of weeks and feel apprehensive about it already wondering you is going to be the victim babysitter.