Oh... ok!

[Hawkmoth]

I have 2 DSDs 7 and 3. 7 yo hasn't been for weeks because "I shout at her" and she "hates" my DD. Obviously not her fault, she is playing to her audience (her mother).

So I asked DH to check if 3yo was still coming tomorrow for Bonfire night... And after 40 minutes on the phone to his ex (he's at work, so god knows what they said) he rings up and says the 7yo is coming for the weekend as well... because "it's time she stopped being so clingy" (DH's XW).

WHAT? Nothing resolved - she was supposed to be taking the child to counselling and going to a parenting group, then mediation on how to co-parent with DH.

I'm on pins now. DSD WILL report back anything that doesn't suit, so WTF am I supposed to do? Stay in my room? Hit the valium and come over all Stepford Wife? Smile and grit my teeth while she bullies DD? Obviously I have to be pleased that she's coming... but I'm not, it's a load of stress and unresolved problems at one day's notice.

I wanted it to work, it didn't... what's to think that it will work now when nothing has changed... it's like keep putting your finger in a flame.

MJ- in my case it made it so hard when she was trying to ''demonise'' me because I was thinking : WTF, you cheated on your DH with your toddlers in the house, who are you to judge ??

FFS- I can't believe some can live so deep in denial. It was the same with us- complete lies over and over

She had to throw the towel this year - both DSD and especially DSD2 who lives with her have made a big point of telling us if was intolerable to stay at hers because they couldn't stand the badmouthing of their father anymore!

DSD2 was ready to move and change schools because se couldn't hear anymore crap-

That was a major wake up call for BM- and what shocks me is that she didn't realise how sad she made her DDs...

I was quite pleased when she admitted to being a cow at the mediators- It was time she realised !

Sorry for the hijack Hawk-

I find as time has gone on that I'm not so much angry at XW anymore. She's filed in my Ts&Ws section, and though I get frustrated, I have managed to get that critical distance from HER.

What does royally fuck me off though if how DH lets her screw him over, and how he doesn't intervene when things are going wrong for the girls, and how he ALWAYS says yes. I've told him until I'm blue in the face that HE is the one that should be standing up for them, especially if he thinks she isn't. One day he will have to look back and see if he made the right choice between keeping a bitter woman calm and giving his kids the right start in life. That's why it's so sad when it gets messy.

Don't mind about the hijack, it's very lonely being a stepmother.

MJ your dss DOES have a mother. The woman who kept him on the straight and narrow, gave him a home, loved him even when he was a fxxxxer and defends his interests even when it was difficult for her. She just didnt give birth to him.

My dps ex wife is exactly the same - the poor kid rails at me again and again because she has told him I dont let him see his dad anymore. Actually she changed contact for a pack of lives. Grrrr..

I am sure they do and it is brilliant to hear he appreciates everything you have done for him - you deserve that praise and I suspect one day your dsd may well feel the same.

ps - in my original post I meant lies not lives.

I know! I'm a woman ... and if someone said yes to me all the time then suddenly said no, I would be rather shocked and pissed off - it's natural!

If he'd just said no to something easy at the start, shifted the balance of power away from guilt and fear that she would stop him seeing them, life would be so much easier now.

Bollocks anyway, I suppose it IS getting easier with the mother. I just miss when DSD was nice and excited about getting to know me and my family. Not looking forward to the weekend, hopefully we won't have any histrionics.

Hawk- glad you didn't take offence for the hijack - You are right it can be a very dark & lonely place sometimes.

I've lived to tell that it can get better.

Without this space on MN and knowing I'm not alone in this type of situ, I would have gone completely mad!

In answer, Nope.