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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Wills, your children and step-children

82 replies

BloomingDaisy · 25/08/2010 11:57

Dear MNs, Can I ask a personal question? Its my first ever post so please be gentle.

My DH and I are currently having 'discussions' about our wills.

He has one DC from his previous marriage and our first DC together is due early next year.

How have you and your partner set up your wills to take DC and DSC into account?

I'd really appreciate some views.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bamboostalks · 28/08/2010 11:58

This is a very difficult area. I have 2 sc aged 22 and 13 and my own 2 dc. My husband wanted to leave assets divided equally between all 4 of his children. I did not. So the equity in the house is split in half, my half goes to my dc, his half goes to all 4. If one of us goes first, all the house equity goes to the remaining spouse which I am not too happy about but what can you do? I also have my own life insurance and dh's life insurance( which I pay for as he doesn't believe in it!) and this is earmarked along with all savings for my dc. My dc are very young and I will be asking a relative to look after and care for them. They will need funds for this whereas my dsc have a mother who already received a large payment from dh on split and who is able to care for them if anything should happen.
I think this is fair.

FeelLikeTweedleDee · 30/09/2010 15:49

Question for the knowledgeable amongst you:

My DH has a 17 year old DS from his previous marriage. If his son reached 18 and THEN (God forbid) by DH dies, would his DS have any legal claim?

FeelLikeTweedleDee · 30/09/2010 22:02

Bump

wildfish · 30/09/2010 22:12

a DS doesn't suddenly lose inheritance rights at 18. So yes in the absence of a will a DS does have a legal claim. But I think the intestate rules are a bit complex.

A parent could write the child out of the will, but if I recall correctly then the child could contest the will for certain reasons.

But if you give more details about what you mean in the legal section I think your will get a more detailed and correct answer.

FeelLikeTweedleDee · 30/09/2010 22:36

In the absence of a will, who would get preference? Me as wife and mother of his second child, or DSS?

wildfish · 30/09/2010 22:47

if you are a wife then it seems
whole estate value - upto £250K to you. The rest split 50% to his kids, 50% to you until you die then it goes to the kids also.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/ManagingMoney/PlanningYourPersonalFinances/DG_10013642

Petal02 · 01/10/2010 11:12

FeelLikeTweedleDee ? just wondering, did you mean what would happen if (god forbid) your DH dies once his DS gets to 18, having made a will that didn?t actually leave anything to his DS?

I don?t think his DS would have any legal claim on the estate, once he was no longer classed as a legal dependent. I mean, it?s likely your DH may wish to leave him a gift, but I think that?s about it.

I know that wills can be contested under certain circumstances, like not being of sound mind etc etc, but I don?t think any parent has any legal obligation to leave anything to an adult child.

FeelLikeTweedleDee · 01/10/2010 12:49

Thanks everyone. That's answered my Qs.

TheNextMrsDepp · 01/10/2010 12:59

I don't have stepkids, but I am one, on both sides.

On my dad's side, there are no kids from the second marriage, just me, my stepbro and stepsis. Therefore, we are all "equal" in having one parent from the partnership, and as I understand it, everything is being split three ways when they both go.

On my mum's side, there is another stepbro and stepsis, but also a half-bro from the second marriage. He is therefore getting "two" slices of the pie, whereas the other three of us get "one" (as we have other parents to provide for us).

In both cases, the second marriages are of many year's standing, and our parents have moved well past the "this is my money, that's your money" stage - in each case there is just one pot to be divided.

desertgirl · 01/10/2010 13:47

Jacqueline, I'm not sure how you can talk about disgusting attitudes when the stepparent relationship varies so much, not necessarily by the step parent's choice.

I have three stepchildren (for the time being, they will be ex-stepchildren shortly). I have met one of them, for a couple of hours, once. (as far as I know they are all nice enough - two adult DSS's, one teenage DSD). If the opportunity had been there to try to build a relationship, I would have... but it wasn't; their father didn't see them enough (live in a different country, bad relationship with ex, etc).

There isn't really any question of me leaving them anything as am divorcing their father anyway, but can't see why I should have, nor imagine that they would have expected it... and I think it is quite quite different acquiring adult stepchildren to getting them at 5 or whatever and being part of their lives.

aletia7 · 03/02/2011 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

mackereltaitai · 03/02/2011 11:40

I am bumping this not due to my experience but the experience of a friend- just wanted to say how encouraging it is to see people grappling with these difficult issues and making the effort to make a will.

A friend, adult daughter of a first marriage and only surviving child, whose father died suddenly, found that he had left her substantial resources. His third wife of five years was not expecting this and I sympathise very much with the shock she got so soon after his sudden death. However, I sympathise less with the two years of legal fighting she undertook to overturn the will. I hope that all wills, particularly the difficult ones, can be discussed at least in outline with the people they affect. The result of this man's secrecy has been that the two people who loved him most are now bitter enemies. It's possible he felt that his wife would not have stayed married to him if he had let her know what his will contained, I suppose.

aletia7, why did you not just write a letter? is it realistic that a web-based company is likely to be around in future years to honour this commitment?

tallpoppies · 03/02/2011 13:43

I know this is an old thread but I just wondered if any of you have left wills leaving everything to your partner? In my circumstances, we haven't yet made a will but have discussed it. We both agreed that we would leave everything to each other if we died (otheriwse you have the scenario of possibly having to sell off the house to pay the children their share or being financially insecure while still having to bring up the kids). After we both die, we agreed that we would leave everything equally to the children - my dd, his two boys and we have a baby together on the way. Even if you make a will stipulating that that is what will happen, what is to stop the other person changing their will afterwards and disinheriting the step child/ren? I know we all take it on trust that they wouldn't do that but I just wondered if any of you have experience or better knowledge of this?

mjloveswineoclock · 03/02/2011 13:54

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Message withdrawn

Bideyin · 03/02/2011 14:17

That's what we've done tall poppies. We have one child each and one together. I do worry that Dp will change his mind about my ds1's share but I have to trust him.

mjloveswineoclock · 03/02/2011 14:38

This reply has been deleted

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tallpoppies · 03/02/2011 16:02

OK thanks mj x

balia · 03/02/2011 21:45

Sorry to butt into the thread but as it seemed to have diversified I thought it would be OK - does anyone know what happens about maintenance in a situation where the Dad dies? I've heard that the ex can claim against the estate (on behalf of the child) and this is a real concern for me, as my DH has a recurrent health problem and his death would leave me and our DC's in financial difficulty without having to go on paying CSA or whatever.

mjloveswineoclock · 03/02/2011 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SparkleSoiree · 03/02/2011 22:07

Our wills are set up that everything we own is split between our 5 children in the following way:

2 children will receive 12.5% of the estate.
3 children will receive 25% of the estate.

That is because the two children receiving less out of our estate have already gained significant amounts of money from other family members held in trust and will still gain significantly more in the future from people other than ourselves. Unlike the other 3 who will only receive what we leave them.

We felt that was the fairest way all round.

In the event our one death the whole estate reverts to the other. We have discussed it thoroughly and have it written down how we want our respective children to be looked after in the event of our death so that no child will be cut out just for the sake of it.

Samraves · 04/02/2011 05:55

Hi, this is such a minefield!

I truely don't know what to do- I want things to be as fair as possible for my dd and dsd. In an ideal world this would mean just spoofing everything 50/50...

However, life is much more complicated isn't it. I need to sort out a will. My dd is only a few months old and when I met her dad just over 2 years ago, he ha a house with no equity as he bought at the wrong time and lots of debt. I now co-own the house and put about £30k into it, and helped him clear debts. We have opened an account which he pays into to save for dsd's uni. And dsd's mum owns a house outright that her rather loaded dad bought for her.

Soooo, i would really love to make sure our dd inherits the house and not split with dsd as she'll inherit one from her mum! I feel very mean, but think this is fairest. Dsd will prob inherit tons of money from her grandad too, whereas my family are very much spending now and she always gets as much money for Christmas from my mum and dad as the other grandchildren. I am really struggling with this as I don't want her to resent me as she prob wont understand that her dad made all the sacrifices earlier- I.e all his debt was from leaving her mum! I would however, always welcome her into our home and buy stuff she needed and support her financially as much as I could if anything happened to her dad. Bluntly, if I hadn't got together her dad wouldn't have any savings, only debt, everything we have in savings, is stuff I saved before we got together. Also if her mum's familydidnt have loads of money, I would just spilt it too.

Hmmmm but still feel very mean, and have a feeling I will end up splitting it equally :-s

Cazbaby1 · 04/02/2011 11:28

Wow such a hard one.
I have one DD and one SD. If we were both to die I would want any assets to be split equally between them with no distinction between biological/step child. Maybe I feel differently to some of you as my SD lives with us and I feel an additional responsibility to her (her mother is still around but would be unlikely to inherit anything much from her).
Interestingly, prior to having my own child I did say to my DH that I would like to give my half to my brother (if both me and DH died).
My auntie did her will a few years ago and told me that she had left her estate equally to myself and my siblings, with it to pass equally to our children if we had already passed away but had also left a fairly considerable lump sum to my SD - saying that otherwise she wouldn't get anything.
I mulled this over for a while and then said to her whilst it is obviously up to her what she does with her money after she dies but to single SD out to receive an amount and no particular amount to my DD did not seem fair and could cause problems between them in the future.
She said she was planning on reviewing again in a few years so would have a rethink. I really hope that she does!!

jollie32 · 25/02/2011 14:52

Tall poppies this has been done on a more recent thread I'll try to find and bump it - there were conversations about mirror wills on it.

Please would you be able to have these details as well as this is the question I am trying to find answers too!!

Thanks so much xx

jollie32 · 25/02/2011 14:56

Tall Poppies or mjloveswineoclock please could you pass on details re the thread about mirror wills and what happens if one dies and changes a will.
My partner and I have mirror wills and we only have my son (17) between us. My parner and I are both each others beneficiaries and my son when we die but I worry about what happens if my partner decides to change his will after my death. Does that mean my son has nothing. Also I was thinking should I just take out a life insurance policy for a certain amount in trust for my son and then they will both be happy!
Thanks - sorry I'm new to all this!

elena1975 · 25/02/2011 15:03

There's a mumsnetter on here who is a will writer. She just did our wills this week and she was really really good.

I know she specialises in step family wills because she is also a practising family lawyer so knows all the ins and outs. www.marlowwills.co.uk

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