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Do I prioritise my daughter's happiness over my financial security?

51 replies

SillyPig · 08/07/2026 18:27

My daughter (16) has been incredibly interested in the current World Cup - she's been watching every game, even as many as the friendlies, as she can (I think that's right; I don't know too much about this football stuff). She's at the point where she is saying she wants to become a professional player. She has never once expressed any interest in wanting to play the sport; in fact, she even tried to get out of doing PE for a school year by trying to break her leg during a PE lesson and then came home to me saying the lesson was so traumatic that she had a panic attack and she could never do PE again. She was 11 at the time, and fully aware of what she was saying.

I supported her desire to join a club and play the game professionally in the future. She has been playing for the past month and a bit twice a week, once with a trainer and once with the full team.

I want what's best for her, but the sad truth is that she's not very good at it. And it's costing me money. Money that is soon running out. I want what's best for her because she is a bright, talented girl who deserves to do well in life.

She's getting to the age now where I feel like I could talk to her finance about how much money we have disposable. Though I would feel terrible telling her she can't continue playing because of my finances, she has just finished her GCSEs and deserves a reward and taking this away could really upset her.

It's hard because she's not very good. The coaches have told me she needs some extra lessons to catch up since she is joining so late. I have obliged and paid for them. But it pains me, really, to say that if she's not very good at this, she'll drop out because she'll fall behind her peers. She's that type of girl; if she's not one of the best at something, then she'll get bored with it quickly.

Now I have to make the choice no parent ever wants to make. To pick my daughter over financial security. Does she hate me now but love me in the future (cut her off of football so in the future she can pursue something else) or love me now and hate me in future (because I don't have the money to nurture her future interest)?

The one thing I'm certain of is that she loves it. I'll never forget picking her up from her first lesson. She came off the pitch with a bloody nose, stunk worse than my husband's man cave, and the club top I had bought her had been ripped by another player tackling her badly. I was so appalled, shocked, and in disbelief that this was my daughter. But the smile on her face was so unforgettable. I have never felt such pride and love in my life.

OP posts:
Larrythecatforpm · 08/07/2026 18:28

why can’t she get a part time job and pay for it out of that?

Chewbecca · 08/07/2026 18:29

How much does it cost?

ThisAmpleCritic · 08/07/2026 18:30

Honestly this reads like AI? If it is true, just let your daughter go to one club a week like any other activity. She isn’t going to be the next Lionness and that’s ok, but there’s an in-between of going all-out and bankrupting yourself and stopping all together. What a load of nonsense.

Hadalifeonce · 08/07/2026 18:30

Can't you just stop the extra coaching? She will still get to train/play, but you won't have to pay for 1 to 1.

Larrythecatforpm · 08/07/2026 18:31

And sorry to say, she will never catch up to peers who have 10 or so years experience on her.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 08/07/2026 18:32

Keep her in the club but tell her she needs to get a weekend/ evening job to help pay 50/50 for the extra coaching.

BeaPerry · 08/07/2026 18:33

Can she continue to play somewhere without the expense and unrealistic expectation of going pro ??
if she enjoys playing she’ll enjoy playing - if it’s a source of esteem - I could be so good I could go pro - then she should be supported to develop other sources of esteem

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 08/07/2026 18:33

How much is the club costing per month?

In reality if she isnt in a proper team, playing daily and being scouted now.... at.16..

She will never go pro.

Most people start at 2 or 3 certainly no later than 5...

My main concern would be her thinking football is going to be her career

Its a good form of exercise....so id pay for the club or some form of regular exercise.

Fetchthevet · 08/07/2026 18:33

ThisAmpleCritic · 08/07/2026 18:30

Honestly this reads like AI? If it is true, just let your daughter go to one club a week like any other activity. She isn’t going to be the next Lionness and that’s ok, but there’s an in-between of going all-out and bankrupting yourself and stopping all together. What a load of nonsense.

Completely agree. AI nonsense.

Duvetdayneeded · 08/07/2026 18:34

If your daughter is no good at football then she’s got absolutely no chance of becoming a footballer so she needs to manage her expectations in life because she’s gonna have massive problems otherwise. it’s almost like the equivalent of a kid going on Britain’s got talent and just singing so badly but thinking they’re great cause their parents have told them they’re great.

Pansykavalier · 08/07/2026 18:34

Larrythecatforpm · 08/07/2026 18:28

why can’t she get a part time job and pay for it out of that?

yes, why? Because this would be the obvious solution.

KnickerlessParsons · 08/07/2026 18:36

Stop the extra coaching but let her continue once a week like you would for any other activity (does she do anything else she could give up in favour of the football?).
only a tiny minority of footballers are good enough to make a living out of playing, and if she has this potential the coaches will tell you.

Remember - you’re in charge and it’s your money. There is no harm in telling your children you can’t afford something.

ThatGreenFawn · 08/07/2026 18:37

My son plays football for the local teen team. He's not that great, he will never make as a pro, but does that matter? He is having regular exercise which is great for his physical and mental health, he has made friends through the team and he loves it. I will keep paying until he falls out of love for it.
As you are struggling financially, I would not carry on with 1:1, could she also get a job to help pay?

Mt563 · 08/07/2026 18:38

Ai slop.

But at 16 having never played before or been sporty she'll never make a professional.

FunStork · 08/07/2026 18:42

She's 16, not a baby.

She can get a job.

Why does she have to be professionally trained - she can just play with friends or join a club?

This did read a bit like AI to be honest.

ScrollingLeaves · 08/07/2026 18:43

Larrythecatforpm · 08/07/2026 18:28

why can’t she get a part time job and pay for it out of that?

I agree she should get a part time job, at least in the holidays, to help pay and to prove how much she wants it. (Unless training is every day.)

Mycatmax · 08/07/2026 18:45

Your threads about your DD are all so odd.

You can’t afford football club for her but you just had a family trip to Australia…

It is all rather strange…

KissKissByeBye · 08/07/2026 18:45

This makes no sense. Football doesn’t happen in ‘lessons’. You sign up for a club and train with them, and play matches with other clubs who have teams in that age group. At 16, most players will have been playing for ten years!

DS (14) does also train with a local academy which is paid for, but even the best kids there know their chances of going professional are slim to none. And having a bloody nose and a torn training top after one session isn’t at all normal.

likelysuspect · 08/07/2026 18:46

If this is real, then she is 16, stop mithering over something which is obvious. This is not someone that is able to progress other than having the odd kick about in a local team or playing with friends. She needs to get real and also take some responsbility for what she wants out of life by contributing to things she wants to do. I wouldnt have entertained this past the first inkling that she isnt very good. Ridiculous.

Mycatmax · 08/07/2026 18:47

KissKissByeBye · 08/07/2026 18:45

This makes no sense. Football doesn’t happen in ‘lessons’. You sign up for a club and train with them, and play matches with other clubs who have teams in that age group. At 16, most players will have been playing for ten years!

DS (14) does also train with a local academy which is paid for, but even the best kids there know their chances of going professional are slim to none. And having a bloody nose and a torn training top after one session isn’t at all normal.

If you think this one is weird, read her other threads!!!

arethereanyleftatall · 08/07/2026 18:54

If this is true, this is staggeringly naive. And it also shows the sheer ignorance of people who don’t play sport who believe they would be any where near that level if they start playing at 16!!! Op, to play at a top level of most sports, you need to have started around 4 years old. You would have been training once a week, up to twice around age 5, up to 3 around age 6 and a premier league club, and by 11 you would be training daily and spending every spare second with a ball attached to your foot. Add to that talent. Add to that physique. And add to that one in a million chance.
of course your dd seems bad compared to other players, it would be highly unlikely that any of them only just started playing.
Your post and thoughts, along with your daughters, are actually really disrespectful to any elite athlete who has been training at an intense level for 1 - 2 decades to get to that level.

KissKissByeBye · 08/07/2026 18:57

Mycatmax · 08/07/2026 18:47

If you think this one is weird, read her other threads!!!

Oh, this is the poster who appears to be beaming in from Mars about going to Australia when her daughter ‘came out’ as asexual and then couldn’t be left alone to eat a pizza in Australia with another 16 year old?

Mycatmax · 08/07/2026 18:59

KissKissByeBye · 08/07/2026 18:57

Oh, this is the poster who appears to be beaming in from Mars about going to Australia when her daughter ‘came out’ as asexual and then couldn’t be left alone to eat a pizza in Australia with another 16 year old?

That’s the one. Went on a TUI holiday to Australia

mondaytosunday · 08/07/2026 19:00

I thought they had the be playing from a young age and by mid teens they would know if there was any potential. Without any previous sport experience she has a huge mountain to climb. Joining a local team is great, but yes she’d need a coach. However before you splash out, I’d test her commitment. Even with club training and a coach she’s need to put her own time into training outside of that. Does she? My son played rugby with a local club and school and he did weight lifting and running on his own too. He was dead keen but by the time he was 14 it was clear he didn’t have that extra something. He was not picked to do trials for the county. He was captain his last couple years but it was hard him accepting that desire and hours of dedication to training were still not enough (especially when a couple of his mates were chosen but didn’t really care). Being a pro footballer is many a young boys dream, and it’s great your DD has caught the bug. But it’s a massive difference between playing for a local team and playing for the county, let alone going pro! And it’s frankly very unlikely, from what you say, that she’d progress beyond her local club. If after six months she’s still as enthusiastic she can talk to her coaches as to what they think.
And I knew a woman who played for England (rugby). She had a day job (PT) as it certainly is not sustainable as her sole earnings.

JLou08 · 08/07/2026 19:01

I hope you've told her she can't be a professional player. I mean, sure there are many, many things in life we cam achieve at any age if we work hard. Professional sport isn't one of them things, it takes natural talent and practicing skills from a young age. She is old enough to know the reality.
If she does know that and wants to continue, tell her you can pay to x date but can't afford more than that so she will need to get a job.