Do I prioritise my daughter's happiness over my financial security?

[SillyPig]

My daughter (16) has been incredibly interested in the current World Cup - she's been watching every game, even as many as the friendlies, as she can (I think that's right; I don't know too much about this football stuff). She's at the point where she is saying she wants to become a professional player. She has never once expressed any interest in wanting to play the sport; in fact, she even tried to get out of doing PE for a school year by trying to break her leg during a PE lesson and then came home to me saying the lesson was so traumatic that she had a panic attack and she could never do PE again. She was 11 at the time, and fully aware of what she was saying.

I supported her desire to join a club and play the game professionally in the future. She has been playing for the past month and a bit twice a week, once with a trainer and once with the full team.

I want what's best for her, but the sad truth is that she's not very good at it. And it's costing me money. Money that is soon running out. I want what's best for her because she is a bright, talented girl who deserves to do well in life.

She's getting to the age now where I feel like I could talk to her finance about how much money we have disposable. Though I would feel terrible telling her she can't continue playing because of my finances, she has just finished her GCSEs and deserves a reward and taking this away could really upset her.

It's hard because she's not very good. The coaches have told me she needs some extra lessons to catch up since she is joining so late. I have obliged and paid for them. But it pains me, really, to say that if she's not very good at this, she'll drop out because she'll fall behind her peers. She's that type of girl; if she's not one of the best at something, then she'll get bored with it quickly.

Now I have to make the choice no parent ever wants to make. To pick my daughter over financial security. Does she hate me now but love me in the future (cut her off of football so in the future she can pursue something else) or love me now and hate me in future (because I don't have the money to nurture her future interest)?

The one thing I'm certain of is that she loves it. I'll never forget picking her up from her first lesson. She came off the pitch with a bloody nose, stunk worse than my husband's man cave, and the club top I had bought her had been ripped by another player tackling her badly. I was so appalled, shocked, and in disbelief that this was my daughter. But the smile on her face was so unforgettable. I have never felt such pride and love in my life.

Mumsnet why don't you filter out this AI crap, it doesn't even make sense. My daughter told me MN is full of fake threads and she's not wrong, it's tedious. What's that point??? So tedious

I would keep it up for the fitness side to it and fact it Is something for her to do that doesn’t involve her phone

At 16 she seems shockingly immature lacking in self awareness though

Tbf there are thousands of people who are completely ignorant about the effort and money high level sport involves. I think you gov did a poll once after an Olympics and asked if you thought if you trained really really hard for the next 4 years, whether you thought you could make the next one and 60% thought they could. 😂

also the cost. The op has probably laid out what £100 so far? To be a professional athlete would cost parents hundreds of thousands over a decade or two.

You're setting her up to fail OP. She's caught up in World Cup fever as I imagine lots of young kids are, imaging themselves as the next Golden Balls or whatever. The kids who are really good at football get spotted while playing for their local team and join a football academy which nurtures young talent, many (the majority) don't make it any further. Surely she realises this and if not it's your job to burst her bubble. The football coaches won't do it as they want your money.

OP says her daughter's enthusiasm started water the world cup, it started 11th of June, so supposedly in less than a month she's found her daughter a team, she's had a few sessions and even played stuff a full team. Well that's amazing progress for someone whose got no interest in sports but now just a few weeks later OP is running out of money. Also saying she's not very good. If she's gone from zero interest in sports to playing a football match in less than a month I think that's amazing progress. There's so many far fetched threads on here that don't ring true. Often a long initial message and then they don't ever respond to comments. I don't get the point.

OP says her daughter's enthusiasm started water the world cup, it started 11th of June, so supposedly in less than a month she's found her daughter a team, she's had a few sessions and even played stuff a full team. Well that's amazing progress for someone whose got no interest in sports but now just a few weeks later OP is running out of money. Also saying she's not very good. If she's gone from zero interest in sports to playing a football match in less than a month I think that's amazing progress.

There's so many far fetched threads on here that don't ring true. Often a long initial message and then they don't ever respond to comments. I don't get the point. I call bull.

It doesnt need to be this all or nothing approach. Decide on an amount you can afford and give her that amount to spend on her hobby. She doesn't have to be good at it. You dont need to be a budding Wimbledon champion to enjoy playing tennis.

For reference premier league academies (Category 1) u11 train three times a week and play once per week. U14 - u16 train four times a week. U18 train everyday and play one game a week. You are basically right, but just not as much as you have said.

Being realistic she won’t make it professionally. Or at least it would be very very unlikely. Her peers all started 12 years ago.

can she not join a local team and play for fun?
why is she getting lessons?

I would expect this level of lack of self awareness and grasp on reality in a 6 year old.
Not a 16 year old

Advance Search is your friend…

Obviously you don't put your financial security ( and hers) at risk . Ever. Especially if she's not actually good at it. It's not even a question op. She needs to understand no and that things cost money. She can still do it for fun. Maybe get one of the coaches to give her a reality check.

That was a lot of unnecessary text, you need to use AI better. You don’t need to be good at a hobby to do it. How much is it actually costing? We only pay £15 a month. It’s not about being good, it’s exercise, being in a team. She will quickly realise she won’t go pro.

I have never known a football club for kids being run like this. They usually have 1 training session a week and 1 match a week. Round here, that’s on average £10 a week. So the players don’t have ‘lessons’, they have training, with coaches. If she’s not very good the coaches will have pointed it out to you, and at her age she’s never going to be a professional player - all professionals have been scouted by League clubs when they were young teens - 10 / 11 / 12 years old.

Well, and her mother too!

it’s a bit like a child being in all the bottom sets, truanting etc, never doing any school work and one week before GCSEs asking his mum to pay for tutoring and books because he really wants a 9. And the mum thinking that was possible.

op - exercise is great, I would always advise any 16 yr old to play a sport, but hers will be just for fun, and it will be more fun if you both have realistic expectations.

Realistically she won’t be pro BUT she can play for a local club, just let her me a member of club that train weekly plus matches on a weekend in the county league - this can lead on to bigger things, my dd did start a bit earlier but she has represented our country via the armed forces team, they unfortunately didn’t beat Germany but still proud and games are broadcast on YouTube too. My DDs sport helped her get into the military officer training and she loves it

It sure is! At least they got to go on the holiday though!

She taking up Tennis too OP?

She’ll be Wimbledon Champion next year.

That's one word for it. Didn't she do well getting all those football lessons in since the start of the world cup, that started less than a month ago, and that Australia holiday too. It's almost unbelievable.

She could buy her a laptop and she'll be on Dragon's Den giving Alan Sugar some serious competition.

Why doesn’t she become a sports therapist or something. She can still be involved in the team but not as a player.

She sounds painfully naïve if she thinks you can take up a skill that other kids have practiced from age 4 and younger and catch up to the degree you’d be a professional.

That might be possibly if she is an exceptionally gifted athlete in a similar domain but my childhood bestie was a footballer and she spent all day ever day playing for as long as I knew her, which was forever. She was actually gifted at other random sports too but that was because of her constant training and incredible sense of body positioning etc.

Does anyone think @SillyPigmight be a comedian trawling for material? The threads are so completely out there!

I think they aren't what they say they are, plenty of people taking their threads seriously though.

Not necessarily. I might write a serious sounding response, but it’s because I’m interested in the topic of the ignorance of many regarding elite athletes, not because I think the op is remotely real. I would essentially just ignore them like they don’t exist, but am happy to discuss the topic with others using their scenario. Iyswim.

This. There are three interesting questions in this (rather weird!) post.

1 How much should parents sacrifice for their child’s dream. (Particularly if the child is genuinely very very talented.)
2 How to balance the academic / sporting mix to ensure that the child doesn’t put “all their eggs in one basket”.
3 Why do people so misunderstand the level of dedication and talent needed to be a sporting / acting / musical star?

I have a teenage child on the Team GB pathway for her sport. (1) & (2) particularly are big topics in house.

For the Op - just in case it is real - I know nothing much about football but it is obvious to me that if your DD has barely done a PE lesson then her fitness will be appalling. Get her to do Couch to 5k - that will massively improve her football ability. Her skills will also be poor. You can buy a set of cones from Amazon for less than £10 and utube will give a dozen practices she can do.