U8 grassroots football - is this fair?

[lauribec]

DS has been training with a club for 5-6 months now. OH was told son couldn’t play matches as his team was “full”.

Okay, so we continued with training 2x a week and it’s now been reduced to 1x 1hr session. There’s been quite a bit of messing about during the training and the coach put a message out on WhatsApp to say he’d need to speak to some parents individually (I anticipated I could be one of them!) day of training I get a text to say how my boy and apparently 2 others won’t be able to come to training for the rest of May and part of June as he wants to focus on the boys playing all the tournaments.

I took the opportunity to ask if my boy will get the chance to play once these tournaments are over. I then get sent a long voice note basically saying no he won’t get to play for at least the next year but he could train. He was saying the FA have changed the rules over something. Said he’s allowed to sign on 10 lads but he wants to keep it to 7 as otherwise they struggle to get them game time.

When I broke this news to my son he cried. He’s known the entire time he’s the only kid not playing the games and that’s not a nice feeling for him. I wasn’t rude in my message back but I did express how upset my son was. Coach had also asked what I thought and if game time was important to my son (isn’t it to most children?! 😅) I replied to say it is important to him and asked if there were any other options for my boy.

Part of the voicemail annoyed me a fair bit, he said he did have a space available but an old player has just come back from Australia and has rejoined the team therefore taking the space. Coach doesn’t know but I actually know the family and the dad had told me just days before that he has moved his teams as he thought the coach his son had was a c**t. This family have been back in the UK over 18 months and their son was playing for a different team at the same club.

Funnily enough it’s all the better players that have made it into the tournament team, his son included. In the time we’ve spent there I must say it comes across really cliquey. Lots of “banter” in the group chat between coach and certain parents.

Surely this can’t be fair? I thought grassroots was all about being inclusive. Any thoughts or opinions welcome 😊

Fairly standard in soccer I'm afraid even at this age. I think I'd look for another club.
the coach is correct in that there are limits to the number of players and number of subs you can make. Our club used to rotate and have 3 boys sit out a match each time which worked well but meant a lot of admin for the coaches particularly as they arranged it so the weeks where the opposition was strong it would be the weaker players week to sit out so took a bit of organising .

Now at under 13'. They cut the squad to 15 players and everyone gets at least a half.

I think if your son was really strong they would have found him a spot but it does
sound like they are encouraging you to leave and find a less competitive club .

Find another club. There will be one with space. It shouldn't be this much stress at age 8.

I would look for another less competitive team. It won’t improve. My daughter has played on a team for 7 years and I’ve seen lots of kids treated this way and worse. A lot of coaches are extremely competitive and just focused on winning even this young

Agree, it’s not fair but unfortunately it’s pretty common. It’s not too late to find another club for next season - and there are lots with a more inclusive approach. Good luck!

Find another club. This one only has playing opportunities for 7! Children?? That’s tiny? Have I understood that correctly? My DD has played since she was 7 (she’s 13 now)and they have always found space and opportunity for any of them that wanted it.

It's an appalling way to behave and goes against the ethos of grass roots football. I am assuming as training you are paying a lower fee (my club has training only) if not & you are paying the same equal play time should be a given. Have you raised it with your club?

It's so unfair that children's football is full of competitive volunteer managers. It's really unfair - how are young kids ever able to get their skills up if they are never allowed to play matches?

The FA need to change something in kids football - I know so many kids that have had their confidence floored at primary age purely due to these football clubs. Once it's gone they never get it back.

I'd advise finding a much bigger more inclusive club - some have 2 or 3 teams and give every child a chance to play a match.

First thing to remember is that the coach volunteers to run the team. Completely volunteer position taking a lot of time, effort and energy. His team his rules.

The FA does set limits for each team in terms or registering players as this pet is true.

Every player isn’t the same so the coach ma not want all the same players and has spaced out the kids. .

A lot of kids train but don’t play - very normal.

You may not like it but it’s the way it is. Find a new team. Also a coach won’t keep a kid who messes around so maybe speak to your son abiut this before the next team.

I’ve been so surprised how common this kind of behaviour is! I’ve been reading threads on Facebook and it’s really sad that children are being treated this way. He got teased in school the following day by the boy who has just walked straight back into the team 😩 luckily friendship resolved the following day though!

Oh I absolutely know he isn’t one of the strongest players but in his defence he’s only been playing for around 6 months. I do think given time he could be pretty good as he’s so fearless but he’s not going to learn much from the sidelines unfortunately 😩

Have contacted our local club and they don’t have a team in his age group as they don’t have any volunteers which is a real shame.

Honestly there have been tears and not just from my son! 🫣 coach has lied to me about only having 7 kids signed on as 9 have responded to the group poll! He hasn’t kicked me out the group so I can still see 😂🫣

We live rurally so even going to training is a trek for us, this team were the closest to home (bar our local one with no age group for my boy) once I get a reply I think I’ll start asking around for availability.

So sh*t isn’t it?! This is children’s football 🫣😂 I can’t help but think if he wants him out just be honest and say it’s not working for him. He completely dodged having this conversation to my face too.

Yeah this guy is competitive, judging by some of the comments in the group chat! 😂 He completely goes against the grassroots ethos

It depends on the club. My son's club had a fantastic manager who made sure every child got on the pitch during a game. Id look around for another club, it should be fun at his age

I’ve been so shocked by how common this appears to be! So many people have said it’s destroyed their child’s love for the sport 😩 and thinking it’s now having this impact on my son.

If I were to find another club do I have to sign him up before next season? Probably a stupid question but this is so new to me 😂

The club is actually quite big - several groups in each age range. I haven’t approached anyone to ask if there’s space in another group yet as my son really likes the boys he’s been with so makes it a bit harder. I’m waiting for a reply from his coach, he’s on WhatsApp a LOT but has totally ignored my message. Probably because I’ve asked the questions he doesn’t want to answer 😂

Coach claimed to me he only wanted 7 boys signed on but admitted he was allowed 10. 9 have responded to say if they are able to play this weekend 🙃

This was the attitude I was expecting, it’s refreshing to hear your daughter is part of an inclusive club 😊 when my DD played they were always very fair and although she wasn’t the strongest player she always got given a go!

I fully agree! I think it’s disgusting and being made worse as I think coach is just lying to me! 😅

Nope, I’ve been paying the exact same as everyone else despite my son not being allowed any game time (£25/month) so £50 for him to get no training even for the next 2 months - not letting this slide but also don’t want to kick off in case my son wishes to just keep training with them going forward.

Coach hasn’t replied to my message for coming up to 2 days now, hasn’t even opened it but I’ll bet he’s read it 😅🫣

Have you thought about rugby? Much more inclusive.

Really breaks my heart for the kids like my son! They won’t learn anything from the sidelines! Coach is really getting under my skin now, moreso for his rudeness! 😂

I’ve read some threads where people were discussing how the strongest kids playing the 5v5 matches didn’t continue to be the best players when the pitch opened up more with the 7v7,9v9 matches etc. A lot were saying how some of the weaker players became the stronger ones on bigger pitches. So coach favouring certain kids now might not pay in the long run 🤷‍♀️

This is my worry - he already seems to be less keen and his morale is dipping 😫 all because of his coach’s attitude.

This club actually is quite big, I think there’s at least 3 groups in his age range. Going to chase up with this coach and see where I go from there.

My son is 7 and plays for a club where everyone gets game time every week. They are a team of 10 so go to every match with three on the bench.
Coaches are really good at getting everyone on the pitch for equal time but I know the boys get frustrated at so many changes as they are often moved around positions to accommodate those coming off the bench.

There is one particularly competitive family with one of the strongest players who won't be coming back next season as they don't like the system and believe their son should have more playing time that the weaker players. I fortunately there are families and coaches like this and it's very much luck of the draw. We were lucky that our local club is very inclusive and laid back.

Do you have a Little League running locally to you? They go up to year 9 and we found them very inclusive and welcoming. matches every week for everyone at the same venue every week.

As many PP’s have said sadly it is very common.
My DS (age 11) has been playing since age 5. Initially it was a large group training split into two teams and my sons being the underdogs. However with great coaches and a lot of fairness giving everyone a chance they have come on strong and won many leagues / tournaments. The other team on the other hand had a very competitive coach which eventually broke the team up with many leaving as it was too competitive and all about winning and not everyone was given a chance.
My other DS (age 8) started later and only joined a team last year. This was a brand new team as half the kids had left a previous club for the same reasons, competitive coach and most never given any playing time and sat out most of the games while the coaches son played all the time. My DS isn’t the strongest of players and has a lot of catching up to do but he is given a fair chance like everyone else and that’s what it’s about.
Both my son’s team have a great group of parents which definitely helps too!
It really is sad that it happens as it should be about the kids not the coaches egos, do try and find another team if you can as it’s the coaches that really make or break a team!

I fully appreciate it will take a lot of time and effort from him - but he’s admitted he gets paid 😅 there’s really no need for him to lie about things though. If he doesn’t want my son there at all, tell me?

I don’t actually know if my son is one of the ones who’s been playing up, I know he could potentially be joining in with the silliness, I wouldn’t put it past him 😂 but the coach hasn’t actually spoken to me about this. I have had the conversation about behaviour 😊

Eugh. I could write an essay on the unfairness of some grassroots football teams.

We've always had a squad of 10 even for 5 a side and everyone gets game time. My youngest sons coaches started playing some children in the development match only...until there wasn't a development match and my son didn't get to play at all! I made my feelings very clear and fought hard for equal game time with the committees support. They hated me for a while but we're good now!

So my advice would be initially to go higher the committee that run the club, they may have a different view and enforce it. But, they may all be wankers in which case find a club that isn't. They aren't all like this but many are sadly.

Apart from the sheer nastiness of treating kids like this, these coaches are so short sighted. In a few short years they'll be playing 11 a side and need a squad of 14, so it's better to develop everyone and retain players.

I read Andrea Pirlo's autobiography and he was describing how he was bullied and ridiculed in his football club as a kid because he was small and skinny and never the strongest player. It motivated him to work harder and prove everyone wrong. Imagine if he had given up at that stage? The football world would have lost a legend. I don't think any of the stronger kids at his grassroots club made it anywhere 🤷‍♀️

Very common and this is the reason why I only sign up to sports clubs where ALL the kids play equally in a non competitive manner. These clubs are supposed to be fun and for a small selection of kids they are not because they are left out. Not my kind of scene.

Ssk the club (not the coach) what the policies are for match selection, select kids at training etc are.