Ask the expert: The fourth trimester, feeding, sleep and unsettled babies - £100 voucher to be won

[MaddyMumsnet]

The early weeks with a newborn - often called the “fourth trimester” - can be a time of huge adjustment. From frequent feeding and unpredictable sleep to crying and unsettled behaviour, it’s completely normal to have lots of questions as you get to know your baby.

We’ve invited Clare O’Brien, midwife and pediatric sleep consultant, to answer your questions about navigating life with a newborn, including feeding, sleep, routines and understanding unsettled babies.
You might want to ask:

• Why is my newborn so unsettled - and how can I soothe them?
• How can I tell if my baby is feeding enough?
• What’s normal when it comes to newborn sleep?
• When (and how) should I start thinking about routines?

Clare will be posting answers throughout April. Share your question by 13/04/2026 for your chance to win a £100 VEX voucher (T&Cs apply).

About Clare:
‘Clare is a registered midwife with over 12 years experience, including 5 years as aReproductive health and childbirth research lead. She has additional training in newborn behavior, bonding, reflux, allergies and sleep, and sits on various advisory boards of professional and consumer facing publications. She is the founder of ‘The Motherhood Midwife’, which supports new parents with feeding, sleep, routines and unsettled babies, and is a BioGaia ambassador.’

I have never been sure whether the baby is just snacking, or if it means I’m not producing Enough milk to fill him up?

Is it best to feed to sleep or better forbpartner to try to settle baby from early on?

My sister just gave birth. Baby is 2 weeks. She's solely breastfeeding at the moment and I help out with the nappy changes whilst she's healing. We've seen, especially the past few days, that as she's breastfeeding him, he falls into a good sleep but then he poops and we change his nappy right away. But then the process repeats as obviously babies hate the cold and taking him out of his clothes causes him to wake up and cry. By the time I finish with changing his nappy, he wants to be fed again, but he may not necessarily poop again until maybe a feed later.

Is this normal? Also, should we be changing his nappy as soon as he's pooped even though he's just fallen asleep?

My last baby made noises through the night which kept me awake, not crying, I guess they were just unsettled. Thinking of another soon but would like tips on how to soothe the fussiness

During the ‘fourth trimester’, how can I gently start shaping a sleep routine without disrupting my newborn’s natural feeding and sleep patterns?

My DS has welcomed her first newborn and she's finding the early weeks both amazing and quite overwhelming, especially with how unsettled they can be at times. Some days it feels like they’re constantly feeding, only sleeping in short bursts, and often crying or needing to be held — is this typical for the “fourth trimester,” or are there signs we should look out for that might indicate something else?
I’d also love some guidance on how convince her that they’re truly getting enough milk, particularly when feeds are so frequent and sometimes cluster together. In terms of sleep, what’s realistic to expect at this stage, and is there anything gentle we can do early on to encourage better sleep habits without trying to impose a strict routine too soon?
Finally, are there any simple soothing techniques or patterns she should focus on that can help both baby and them (they are struggling tbh) feel a bit more settled and confident during these early weeks?

Why do hospitals discharge newborns with severe tongue tie without offering treatment so infants struggle to feed and mothers are left worried and exhausted, sometimes needing to pay to see a consultant privately because their baby is losing so much weight.

The midwife recently visited my daughter to check her newborn baby's weight. Is it normal for baby's weight to still be below birth weight after 3 weeks? My daughter is producing enough milk and baby is constantly feeding, so just surprised that baby's weight is not at birth weight yet.

She was told this was normal and that some people may take upto a month or so, but then was told in a subtle way that she may consider giving a top up. So just not sure whether to be worried or not.

My 6 week old seems calm one minute and really unsettled the next, especially in the evenings — is this normal, and what’s the best way for me to soothe them without creating ‘bad habits’ which would be hard to break later on.

Is it normal for it to be baby's feeding time, but then he just suckles a little and falls asleep and doesn't want anymore?

He has been cluster feeding but the past few days he's not been really feeding properly during all feeding times and just wants to sleep. I just get really worry and when I ask the midwives that visit, they just say they're there to just weigh the baby and won't actually answer any other questions I have.

How do you know when they are thirsty rather than hungry - my HV has advised to give cooled boiled water between feeds - I am a bit confused, does breast milk quench thirst and feed and is water needed TY

If I want to introduce a bottle a day so DH can do one night feed, what age is this ok to do from?

I just want to feed on demand - but when should you start a routine - to fit in with a siblings routine - and any tips for doing this, I want to put my newborn first for the first weeks - but don't want to do this at the detirment of my older DC (who is really happy the grandma and DH)

Do you recommend a sleep aside the bed cot - or a stand alone cot for a sleep routine and why - I know a sleep side cot helps soothe during the night but it does not help them get back to sleep on their own - or am I overthinking it ?

I was able tp feed on demand with my first and it helped a lot with bonding. How can I give my second baby the same experience when I have a toddler to wrangle as well? It is so hard to know how to balance their needs.

If baby has about 6 bowel movements daily and about 3-4 wet diapers, is that normal? Everything online says 6-8 wet diapers, but I wasn't sure if there was any new info out. If 3-4 wet diapers is on the low side, does the mean the mother should be drinking more? I don't know if that's a silly question, but I've always wondered if baby hydration is based on mother's hydration.

Are dummies a 'bad' thing to start with babies? As in, does it delay their speech in any way?

Also, how long does a baby have to settle into their head shape? At what point is it too late to use a correcting pillow for example to help?

How can you tell how much they are feeding when you are breast feeding, and would you recommend any supplements to your diet to improve the quality of your milk, and are there any foods you really should not be eating (I avoid caffeine and alcohol totally).

Hi Clare, my nieces first baby was born 4 weeks early and she's still finding her feet in these early weeks. The baby can be quite unsettled at times, especially in the evenings, and I’m not always sure if it’s due to being premature or just normal newborn behaviour.
I’d love to know — how can I tell what’s typical for a slightly early baby versus something I should be more concerned about? And are there any gentle ways to help soothe them that work particularly well for premature newborns?
As and aunt I am a very close person in her as her mother is not a fixture in her life - I want to support and advise as much as I can - at a distance when she asks or rings me.

Can you breastfeed too often? Im always worried they are not getting enough

Hi everybody, thank you very much for taking the time to leave me questions 😀

Hi @DizzyWizz , I don't know how old baby is, but its very normal for them to feed little and often in the early weeks as they get tired by feeding. Best way to know that they are getting enough is through their output with plenty of wet and dirty nappies. By around 1 month we would expect at least 6-8 heavy wet nappies and 2 dirty nappies a day. I'd also recommend getting them weighed regularly. If you are concerned about feeding, it is worth reaching out to your NHS trust to see if they have an infant feeding team who can support you.

Hi @KrillBrill , First thing to say is that, as with anything parenting related, this is personal choice. In the early weeks and months (and beyond!) it is completely biologically normal for baby to feed to sleep. However, it can be helpful to introduce our partner into settling to sleep as well as using other settling methods such as rocking or patting around 2-4 months old. This doesnt have to be for every sleep, but for some naps and wakes when feeding isnt needed. This helps baby learn to settle in other ways rather than just through feeding.

Hi @Kweenxo , Congratulations to your sister! She's lucky to have a sister help her so much in these early weeks. This sounds really normal (and hard), new babies can poo A LOT. If they poo, you do need to change it fairly quickly so that they don't get nappy rash. Once you have changed baby and if she isn't showing any feeding cues, try swaddling them and rocking them to see if you can settle her without feeding, to give your sister a rest. This will ease over time, its still very early days.

Hi @BristolMum96 , This is really common. Prior to 4 months babies have 'quite' and 'active' sleep. During active sleep they will riggle, move, and make noise, sounding like a farmyard animal! As long as they aren't crying or upset, its ok to leave them to it. By trying to settle them we can inadvertently wake them up. I'd recommend white noise in the room to help soften some of the sound so you can sleep better.