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Would you and your partner take time off work if companies offered 6 months paid parental leave for all?

563 replies

JustineBMumsnet · 26/11/2018 17:11

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Having a new baby is an exciting time regardless of whether you’re a mum or a dad, and spending time with them in those first few months is a precious experience. A year ago Aviva introduced its equal paid parental leave policy, where all employees can take up to 12 months off, with no need for mums to share their maternity allowance. With this in mind, Aviva would like to hear your thoughts on giving all parents the same amount of time off.

Here’s what Caroline Prendergast, Interim Chief People Officer at Aviva has to say: “We decided to make all parents at Aviva eligible for the same amount of paid and unpaid time off, regardless of gender, sexual orientation or how they became a parent. We thought that dads would want to spend time with their new arrivals, just as mums do. One year on, our experience shows that with financial barriers removed, they do just that.”

You can find out more about Aviva as an employer here.

If all companies offered 6 months paid parental leave, do you think your spouse or partner would be prepared take the time off work to share childcare duties? If not, why not?

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Would you and your partner take time off work if companies offered 6 months paid parental leave for all?
OP posts:
AromaticSpices · 28/11/2018 20:55

I like this idea. My husband was self employed when we had our first so he only took a few days off. He was a permanent employee when we had our second and he took the first week off then planned to take the second week later but his bosses were funny about it (despite originally agreeing that he could do just that) so he never took the rest. Which was a real shame. I didn't really need any practical help (I was breastfeeding, had a relatively easy birth etc) but having him around more to bond with the baby and also spend some quality time with our first child - and even quality time with all of us, together - would have been wonderful.

I think such a transparent policy as Aviva's sounds like it will be easier for those eligible to take it without being made to feel guilty. I think in reality not many would take the full year but it's fantastic that it's an option. Well done Aviva; sounds like a progressive move.

QueenOfPharts · 28/11/2018 22:00

I think its a great idea and would probably come into its own with subsequent children it would be great to have help with existing children. I think it would help bonding with new baby for dads and may help shift gender rolls etc. Though after you both being off for 6 months then both going back to work could be trickier.
I think my husband would probably take it but I would have some reservations. He might just build sheds and do home renovations rather than help!

salopek · 28/11/2018 22:05

It's a fantastic policy that is reflecting the makeup of modern families I.e. both partners working and on a similar wage.
But it entirely depends on individual circumstances. There's no way my DH could take a month, let alone 6 months, off from his work - he'd be seen as noncommittal to the company which would have dire consequences for his future career there (senior banker).
Separately, I'm sad that there's is no support for small businesses to offer such generous maternity or paternity pay for such a long time.

lolly2011 · 28/11/2018 22:28

I feel 2 weeks is not enough, men should have the option to take more time to spend with his family and ensuring everything is ok and both parties can get enough rest.

biffyboom · 28/11/2018 22:30

We would have loved for dp to take more leave when we had our children.
I took the full 12months both times, and dp just had his 2 weeks, but I really could have done with him around more as we had no help from family or friends, and I really struggled adjusting and due to health reasons.
We don't plan on having more children, but if we did, dp would take the maximum paid leave he could.

stinkypoo · 28/11/2018 23:52

Its a great idea, however my DDs Dad was self employed so no entitlement to any paternity leave or shared parental leave or anything at all.
It's fantastic that parents can now share parental leave but there are still so many issues - males careers seem to still take preference over women's within a family and the workplace and society , not to mention the hormonal effects and societal pressures.
We are a long way from it being equally acceptable societally for men to take time away from work to care for their children and to not suffer any impact on their career as a consequence . I think that indicates how far we still have to go.

Almostthere15 · 29/11/2018 07:02

I think it's a brilliant idea. We haven't ever shared leave because our babies have been breastfed and expressing was hard work so it made sense for me to be at home.

I think it's sad though that people can't see what the dad can do? What about just spending time with the baby, getting to know them and supporting the mum.

claza93 · 29/11/2018 07:04

It is a great idea and might work for some but not for me. I dread to think what I would come home to!
Plus my other half is the main breadwinner by a mile so financially it would be a disaster!

Pebblesandfriends · 29/11/2018 07:48

A good idea in principle but in practice I don't know many men who wanted time off on their own with the baby and even less women who wanted to give up some of their share for men, now if there was an extra 6 months on top of what currently exists that only men could take, then you may be onto a winner.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 29/11/2018 08:01

A good idea in principle but in practice I don't know many men who wanted time off on their own with the baby and even less women who wanted to give up some of their share for men

Sadly I think this is true - in real life I only very vaguely know one other couple who have done shared parental leave, and as I said upthread I've had quite a few judgemental comments about it (all from women, though a few men have made it clear that they find the idea of DH at home with DS funny). And lots of those are from families where the woman earns more and from formula feeders, so I don't think it's all about finances or breastfeeding. All the families I know where the woman is the main breadwinner have found a way for her to have a good few months of leave, because they see it as important.

custardcream1000 · 29/11/2018 08:50

I think this is an amazing idea and hope other organisations adopt the same policy. It has real potential to promote equality of income and reduce discrimination between men and women. I think it will have real benefits for children as well.

ThenBellaDidSomethingVeryKind · 29/11/2018 10:18

I think this is a great idea, and my husband would definitely have taken it up were it to have been an option. I had PND with my first, and we had also relocated; the first six months were a v lonely time. With my second it would have been great to have an extra pair of hands to juggle children. I think that as families become increasingly geographically spread out, there is a real need for this.

Bodicea · 29/11/2018 10:43

I can’t really see the point of it. You don’t need more than one person taking care of a baby at once. Men can’t breastfeed so any mum breastfeeding won’t really get that much of a break. Whilst some men would be hands on I know a lot that used even, their two weeks paternity leave as a chance to brush up on their golf/go out etc so I think a lot would just use it as extended “party leave” as someone I know dubbed it.
My dh is a very hands on dad but even he isn’t that interested in babies. He wouldn’t be seen dead at a baby sensory type class. I think men tend to bond more as the kids get older. It would prob have helped more on my second or third may leave as he would have had more time to do things with the older kids while giving me space to bond with the baby. But for the first mat leave I think he would have felt like a waster of space.
It feels like a waster of money which at the end of the day has to be paid for by someone further down the line somewhere.
2 weeks I will say is not enough. By all means, extend it to a month ( 6 weeks maybe to give women a chance to physically recover from c-section, birth injuries etc) but a year is really not necessary.

Bodicea · 29/11/2018 10:44

*waste

Snog · 29/11/2018 10:57

It's brilliant, I think this move by Aviva is very forward thinking and is great for both men and women and of course children.

bikerclaire · 29/11/2018 11:27

I think it's a really good idea yet the cost might be a worry. WOuld you have enough coming in to pay for everything?

I know as a new mum I wouldn't have coped without him around me, he is self-employed so was very flexible but he needed to go back in the first week for the occassional short job. Of course it is different for self employed, nobody pays you for leave!

GooodMythicalMorning · 29/11/2018 13:21

In theory great. A few men will use it and will be useful and love it but I think it will be difficult for some men to want to stay home with the kids whilst mum goes off to work.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 29/11/2018 13:23

My dh is a very hands on dad but even he isn’t that interested in babies.

It's lucky that women always find caring for an infant fascinating and enthralling, isn't it? Or is it just dads who get to opt out of any part of parenting that isn't all that fun to them and still get considered good parents?

Badgerthebodger · 29/11/2018 13:55

I think it’s a brilliant idea and certainly one which DH would have taken up. DS was in hospital for a while after he was born so DH’s pat leave was mainly spent visiting us in hospital. He had to go back to work the day after we got home from hospital, while I was still recovering from EMCS and incredibly tired and dazed after 2 weeks in the NICU. DS was a reflux, lactose intolerant, non-sleeping screamer. It really would have helped everyone if DH could have had more time off and I think the equally paid aspect is excellent. Well done Aviva.

cucumbergin · 29/11/2018 14:13

It's interesting how responses fall into two groups:

  1. wow, that's fantastic, you mean 6 month full pay and it can be taken in parallel too at any point so the mother doesn't lose any of her time to recover from childbirth? That would be amazing, DP would have loved more time!

  2. Talk about financial issues, mother giving up leave, men wouldn't take it(yes, they do) etc - all answered in original post!

I wonder if it really is so different to current statutory provision that people actually just cannot wrap their heads around it?

LisaSimpsonsbff · 29/11/2018 14:33

You've forgotten category 3 'lol imagine men doing childcare like a girl haha'

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 29/11/2018 14:56

My OH is going to take over from me when our baby is nearly 5 months as he will be on full pay for 4 months. My baby is mixed fed and I express as well so she has no issues taking bottles. She was always going to be mixed fed incase I had to go back on medication at any point as I wouldn't be able to breastfeed.

We are following in the footsteps of some of my acquaintances who work for government departments and a couple of other very large companies in the financial sector who give equal parental pay to both parents. In my case I'm self-employed on SMP so I am spending savings there as he works for a government regulated organisation. It makes financial sense for us to swap over.

The reason most couples don't take equal parental leave is due to the discrepancy in earnings in the couple so it isn't financially viable. I do have male friends who delibrately used flexible working to work 3-4 days a week for a year. Some have used their saved holiday to achieve this while others have employers who allow them to go part-time for this period. My friends work for medium and large firms, and this does impact the companies.

joggingrunning · 29/11/2018 15:11

I think that this is such a good scheme as it allows both parents to bond with their child. They can get to build special memories with their child such as hearing their child's first words and seeing their first steps, which they may miss if they are working. It also allows them to actually care for thier child without the constant worry of money.

Goingovertosusanshouse · 29/11/2018 16:59

I like the idea but I know I wouldn’t have done it. I wasn’t ready to go back to work.

Coffeemummy123 · 29/11/2018 17:35

Equality is the way forward but it must be backed up by a system geared to make it work!