How to help teens become more confident - share with #iwill - chance to win £300 NOW CLOSED

[EllieMumsnet]

The team at #iwill would love to know how you help teens become (more) confident

What is #iwill?
The #iwill campaign promotes creating more opportunities for young people to get involved in social action - enabling more 10-20 year olds to say #iwill to doing activities such as campaigning, fundraising and volunteering in their communities to make them a better place.

By doing so, young people create a double-benefit – improving the lives of others around them, as well as improving themselves. By getting involved in social action, young people can develop their employability skills, boost access to further and higher education and enhance their well-being, communication skills and character.

So far more than 700 business, education and voluntary sector partners across the UK have pledged #iwill to embedding social action into the lives of young people so that all young people are able to experience the benefits of taking part.

They’d love to know your top tips on encouraging teens to develop their confidence in school, outside of school, during work experience or with adults. Do you encourage them to volunteer with local clubs etc, to mix with other young people from different backgrounds, have they flourished with some support from a mentor at school or do they need help to get through exams and school tests? If you had some confidence boosting experiences when you were a teen, please share what helped you become a confident teen too.

If you’d like to know more, do visit the #iwill pages here where you can sign up to get your FREE #iwill guide and monthly newsletters to find out more about the benefits of supporting your children to take part in volunteering & social action.

Check out their video here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v= NR8YjpKseK4

Please share your top tips on teen confidence below - everyone who does will be entered into a prize draw where one person will win a £300 voucher for the store(s) of choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck
MNHQ

Standard Insight T and Cs Apply

[RichardOfYorkGaveBattleInVain]

Travelling was great for my confidence as a teen. I was lucky enough to take part in several trips abroad with school and other groups, and we were given a bit of freedom while there and it was great to learn that we could muddle through in our own way and connect with people there even if we weren't experts at the language or culture. I would love the same opportunities to be available to today's young people too.

I also think giving enough freedom (within reasonable limits) and input into decision-making is valuable for learning to trust themselves.

[NoStraightEdges]

I think it's all about boundaries. Not so tight that they're stifling and not so loose/lacking that there's nothing for them to but up against. Supportive, but not over bearing. That's how I try to build my teens confidence. Letting them make some mistakes but not letting them make huge ones. And letting them know I love them no matter what and that they can tell me anything.

I'll be back in 5 years to let you know if I got it right!

[blueskiesrule]

So many teens (and adults) seem to believe the following: if someone looks confident/happy etc from the outside everything in their life is great AND no-one else gets nervous/anxious/doubtful etc like they do. I think its enormously helpful to just gently challenge these thoughts in little ways as soon as theyre old enough to talk about how other people might be feeling or why they might have done what they did...and later really helps with putting their own worries into perspective & so doing the things that build confidence.

[lolly2011]

My son is quite confident but I encourage him to try new things / clubs, he goes to Scouts. I make sure he knows its ok to try new activities and it doesn't matter if he doesn't do well or like the activity but it is part of finding out who you are. I try to ensure he knows what is available to him, it has to be his decision to try it without pressure.

[daniel1996]

we joined mother and baby, then playgroup to get my DC interacting at and early age, and if we go shopping I always encourage my DC to buy his own treats with his spending money by speaking to the cashier in the supermarket. We also have joined a junior gym, again to meet more people, gain more skills and thus become more confident.

[peronel]

DofE all the way! My DD was initially apprehensive of even approaching a charity to volunteer for, but she did it, and enjoyed the whole experience. There are so many benefits and she gained confidence in bucketloads!

[KeepCalm]

I remind my teens that this is my first time parenting kids their age and I'm likely to get it wrong too. To show them that it's ok to make mistakes and learn from them. That we all do it. At any age.

[Enigma222]

I think it is important to treat the teens as individuals, respect, listen and communicate in a good manner. Keep encouraging them to do well and praise them on their success.

[Anyhope]

#i will encourage my teen to be altruistic and do something for others.
Already very confident and has lots of friends. Can be bullying, try to encourage to think of those less fortunate, now turns round & reminds me when am ill & moaning🙂 so guess worked.

[Anyhope]

School does seem to have campaigns etc

[Greensleeves]

Mine's a bit airy fairy, but....

I remember reading when I was teacher training that babies/very young children's brain development actually hinges on the emotional connection og loving eye contact and talk/singing from the primary carer/s. They need to feel that they are being delighted in and that the carer wants to be close to them.

I think teenagers need that, too. They need us to listen to them, value their opinions, laugh at their jokes, tease them, know what's going on in their lives - they need to feel "delighted in" as well. They need to be liked as well as loved.

Easier said than done sometimes, especially when they articulate their needs by being really bloody difficult and challenging. But I do genuinely like mine, I still smile when I think of them like I did when they were babies, and I try to let them know that.

[ProfYaffle]

I think with teens it a delicate line between allowing them to try out their adult selves while remembering they're also still a child. For me that means taking an interest in their world, the same as you do with a smaller child. eg with a toddler you might watch Cbeebies, not something you'd choose to do but you recognise it's what they're into right now. I take a similar approach with dd's You tubers, music, books etc. It's easy to be dismissive but I take an active interest in what she's doing.

Groups/activities outside of school are important too, to widen their circle and show them the 'in' group isn't the be all and end all.

[ponygirlcurtis]

I am reading this with interest, I feel like I don't know how to instill confidence in my anxious, unconfident and unmotivated pre-teen.

The one thing I do know is that he knows I love him, I tell him every day and cuddle him whenever he will let me (not often these days so it's all the more precious). I was never told. And I apologise to him if I get things wrong so he can see that I am not perfect and getting things wrong is OK (as long as you can admit it).

Hoping for lots more tips!

[theredjellybean]

my top tip is to facilitate the opportunities for your teens.
my dds and dsds often expressed an interest in something but were too lazy / teenagery to do much about it...i would find out a bit more, maybe set up first session ( such as joining cadets , or taking them along to local n/home were my youngest volunteered) and take them along. Always told them if they wanted to do something i would ensure they had the logistical back up to do it.
it wasnt about mollycoddling, sometimes it was a simple as checking out the bus route to something for them.

[Lisapaige24]

Give teens responsibility, treat them like adults , be honest with them,listen and respect there opinions because it’s what builds there confidence

[andywedge]

Drama classes are a brilliant way of improving confidence

[TracyKNixon]

Give your child opportunities to try new things: When your child tries lots of different things, he’ll get to know what he’s good at and what he enjoys. He’ll also learn that most people do well at some things and not so well at others – and that’s fine. After all, we can’t all be Olympic athletes, computer geniuses or rock gods!

[giddyypixie]

I think listening to them is key. Understand what it is that is making them feel like they don't have confidence. And then get them to try Clubs and activities outside of school where they will meet different people and learn new skills. They might realise they have a real natural passion for a sport or hobby and this could boost their confidence.

[glenka]

Always make time to listen to their worries and be there for them if they have any problems. Above all treat them with respect.

[ThemisA]

If they have the courage to try new things let them have a go. My son arranged his travel and accommodation to stay at universities around UK for open days having never really travelled before - doing things builds confidence, provided you give them the skills to do the task in hand and the skills to deal with potential problems. Don't push a teen to do something that they are not ready for because that has the opposite effect.

Ask them to think out loud regarding something they want to do encouraging them to think of the positives and negatives or potential problem areas.

Being realistic is important in life and understanding that failure, problems, feeling a little awkward are all parts of life. Understanding that efforts they put in now will give them dividends later. My eldest felt he lacked confidence at speaking in a group so he joined a local adult speakers group and they took him under their wings and he learnt the skills in a supportive environment without having to make a fool of himself in front of his peers.

[Spices001]

I always try to instil confidence in my tween! Poor body image is rife in today’s world, I want her to feel good about herself & be happy with who she is

[kimbers85]

i give my son more confidence by listening to what he has to say, this helps him know that his opinions are valuable and gives him more confidence to speak out x

[Taffeta]

I agree with the not sugar coating. My 14 yo DS positively lights up when he is included in an “adult” conversation away from his 11 yo sibling.

He’s almost finished his football referee training, and this we hope will provide him with numerous opportunities to confidently speak with adults. He’s confident in his knowledge about the game, so becoming an excellent referee will be about building his social skills, both with younger children and with complaining adults!

[lizd31]

I was bullied at school because I was a 'goodie goodie'. I refused to smoke or swear & always did my homework & actually loved school so when my great niece is older I will teach her to to just be herself & be proud of herself & not listen to anyone who may try to bully her into doing things she doesn't want to do, to give her the confidence to stand up for herself without the need for aggression.

[defineme]

Encouraging them to be independent and setting the example of volunteering yourself.