Share your tips for raising a kind child with the new Wonder film: chance to win £300 NOW CLOSED

[AnnMumsnet]

The team behind the new Julia Roberts, Owen Wilson and Jacob Tremblay movie, Wonder, would love to hear your top tips for raising a kind child. The film really showcases how - as one MNer who has seen the film - says “a little bit more kindness in the world would be no bad thing”. Another Mumsnetter who saw a preview screening said “the issues raised are really important for all of us to [be] reminded of. Standing up to things that are wrong (even when it makes us unpopular), and always being kind - how many of us always live up to that?” here

Here's the synopsis: “starring Julia Roberts, Owen Wilson and Jacob Tremblay and based on the New York Times bestseller, WONDER tells the story of August Pullman. Born with facial differences that, up until now, have prevented him from going to a mainstream school, Auggie becomes the most unlikely of heroes when he enters the local fifth grade. As his family, his new classmates, and the larger community all struggle to find their compassion and acceptance, Auggie's extraordinary journey will unite them all and prove you can't blend in when you were born to stand out.”

Wonder is rated PG & open NOW

Watch the trailer here:

So how do you encourage your child to be kind to others? Please share your top tips and experiences of kindness from your child...has your child received a reward for kindness, have they gone out of the their way to show kindness to other children or have they had a period of not being kind but have come through it and learnt how important kindness is.

Add your comment to this thread and you will be entered into a prize draw where one winner will get a £300 voucher for the store of choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck
MNHQ

Standard Insight T and Cs apply

WONDER stars ACADEMY AWARD® WINNER JULIA ROBERTS (Eat Pray Love), ACADEMY AWARD® NOMINEE OWEN WILSON (Midnight in Paris), JACOB TREMBLAY (Room), MANDY PATINKIN (‘Homeland’)and IZABELA VIDOVIC (Homefront). Directed by STEPHEN CHBOSKY (The Perks of Being a Wallflower) the screenplay is written by STEPHEN CHBOSKY (Beauty and the Beast) and STEVEN CONRAD (The Secret Life of Walter Mitty) and JACK THORNE (‘This is England ’90’) based on the New York Times bestseller WONDER by R.J PALACIO

I think kindness is only something you can learn by example. If a child is surrounded by kindness they will see it as normal. A lot of it starts with manners, please and thank you go a long way!

Lead by example. If kind behaviour is what a child grows up seeing, they hopefully will be kind themselves.

My dd is very kind, she used to be picked on on the school bus but now she has got older ( and taller ! ) she is no longer picked on but remembers what it felt like so stands up for the younger children.
We talk about people who are worse off and try and find ways to donate ( food bank, homeless charity, oxfam ) which makes her think about others.
She is very kind and gentle when she takes her grandma with Dementia out.
I am an Admiral Nurse, I support the family carers of people with Dementia, we talk together about what makes a difference to people and she is very demonstrative and empathetic.

Helping out their siblings

As has already been said, children learn from those around them, so surround them in kindness!

I was so proud of my son when he was in Y3 (& lots of other times as well, of course ), when he brought home a kindness award from school for helping a distressed child in the playground; it was such a normal thing for him to do, he couldn't even remember doing it!

Be Kind make it a everyday thing - we also say its nice to be nice. We always reward nice behaviour

Reading stories from a young age and pointing out kind and unkind behaviour. Same with TV shows and discussing it.

Also discuss how my DC feel when others are kind or unkind to them to make them realise why it’s important.

I have three boys (10, 8 and 5) and a girl of 2 and this year our advent calendar contains 25 acts of kindness - one for every day until Christmas. They all helped create the ideas for the calendar like 'donate some old toys', bake cookies for a neighbour and make a new friend at school...

They will all get a chocolate treat as well of course!

Roll on 1 December!

Kindness is taught by example, but I also think they need to learn to label it with words in order to see it. We have so many beautiful words for different kinds of kindness, generous, caring, loving, helpful, friendly, giving, a beautiful gift for a child to have these things recognised and labelled when they do them. If only I could remember to do that always!

Constantly praising kind behaviour. Getting the child to think about how they would feel if someone else displayed to them whatever unkind behaviour they were undertaking. Slowly sinking in.

I praise kindness. I also demonstrate kindness to others in front of the children.

My eldest is 2 and I have a 6 month old. I'm trying hard to praise my toddler whenever he is kind, especially to his brother, kissing him, cuddling him or bringing him a toy and sharing.

We use the word 'kind' often - in respect of, eg., 'kind hands' when we want a child to be extra gentle. We remark on kind behaviour when we see it exemplified by the child or by others in real life, in books, on CBeebies. We endeavour to be as kind as we can ourselves and hope that it rubs off!

Do as you would be done by - always a good mantra & a good example to children. Also don't run others down in front of children.

Praise kind behaviour.

Be kind yourself so they see it in action. Point out when others have been kind to you to show that it's a positive character trait that is of value. Notice and give praise when they show kindness themselves. Focus not only on the big gestures but those small everyday kindnesses - because when kindness becomes a habit you make the world a little bit better for everyone round you.

Parents (and grandparents) need to lead by example to show kids that being caring makes them feel happy too.

"Sharing is caring" - repeat, repeat, repeat. And then bribe with raisins. And then delight in the times when they are kind and gentle with their siblings, and try and ignore the times they aren't.

And of course, lead by example polishes halo

My parting comment to the kids as they head off down the path for school has always been 'Be kind to your friends and helpful to your teachers.'

I think leading by example is the most important thing, but also making kindness as important as good grades or sporting success. I think every school should have kindness awards that are just as important as other achievements.

I always ask my five year to try and put herself into other people's shoes. Kids can be naturally a bit self centred so really do need teaching empathy. I also lead by example, that's so important

There's a lot of lead by example "be kind yourself" here. I think it's actually much more complicated than that.
I'll agree those with bully/unkind parents rarely seem to be an apple that falls far from the tree.
However the way some children behave to my dd, who is missing her hand, despite having the kindest parents around, is disgusting.

Thing is as well that sometimes things that are meant as kindness can actually be very hurtful. Offering to help is often made as a kind offer, but can make dd feel useless and unwanted.

And often it's not the out and out nastiness that has the lasting effect. Dd's found that is taken seriously by teachers and often will have the other children rising to support her.
It's the little things that get to her.
The stares, the double take as she walks past(-questions, as long as they aren't repeated are fine.)
The not picking her because they assume she can't do something properly type thing is much harder to deal with. She knows why they didn't pick her, but it's hard to prove and deal with it. But it creeps in under the skin and subconsciously tells her she's useless.
Or the surprise when she says she does something, often glossed over at the time, but she knows what they mean when they say "really, can you really do that, I'm surprised?"

And then the other way, the over emphatic praise. It sounds on the face of it kind, and it is meant this way and dd knows it. But it adds into the people don't think I can manage feeling.

Kindness is not just about the kind words and the nice actions in this case. It's also about treating her like one of themselves. Not making her feel like she's the token mascot they bring in out of kindness. She's a child first, not a missing hand first.

I think the media doesn't help in this. Look at the people you often see portrayed there.
You have the "superhero" defeating all odds, amazing, inspirational. The story is about them.
Then you have the" sidekick". There to show up how "nice" someone else is, usually the main character.
Or the "here to make a point about disability" with no character development other than their disability. If they appear in the story line then you know that it's because they're having problems with their prosthetic leg, or their wheelchair gets stuck going through a door, or they don't hear the car coming...
And then you have the "villain". Bitter because of their disability, entitled and expecting everything to be given to them because of it.

We need more people in the media who are disabled but getting on with life in a normal way. So going to work and getting on with it without a fuss. A normal family life. A normal reaction to life in general. With the disability gently noticeable at times, but rarely commented upon. Cast Dr Who with a missing leg, and write the script in the same way as you would if he didn't. Don't mention it, don't adapt what he does, just let it be there as part of him.

And while we're about it: No, it doesn't make us better parents having a disabled child. Or super-parents, and no, I don't believe God chose us because he knew she needed extra special parents. You do know how we do it too, exactly as you would manage if you had the same.
It doesn't make us look at our parenting any differently. We do for each child what is needed. And dd1 and ds are just as different from each other and need different parenting as they are from dd2. Because they're all individuals with different personalities.

Always show kind behaviour yourself basically. Never talk or comment or gossip about anyone (especially in your child's ear shot). Prejudices tend to be pushed from parents to their children.

I have found that children with behavioural difficulties can be praised without limit for their kindness towards children with learning difficulties. Eg letting someone into the line before them.

the old treat them how you would want to be treated is a keeper.
being kind to them.showing them yourown kindness and they will follow/copy.
listen.watch situtions at school etc,with siblings so you can help them understand what might be done.
help them share things.
lead by example.
help them be sensitive to how others feels.