I have realised that I am a bit uptight about how the washing should be done in my house

Rule #1 always separate by colour AND seperate out any handwash, woollen and delicate items. I do a separate wash for each of those types organised by colour.
Rule #2 the laundry is sorted into IKEA laundry bags in the utility room by colour. The stuff at the bottom of the bag probably needs a special wash so don't fricking bung it in and murder it dh! so that will collect until there is enough stuff to make up a small load.
Rule #3 buy a washing machine with cycles for hand, wool and quick washes. Also have one that weighs the load so small loads can be done as and when, but make sure it is large capacity so it can do all the towels at once or a duvet.
Rule #4 if mixing lights and brights (I know, but I can't help it) use a colour catcher. Colour catches can also be reused if fished out the drum and left on top of the machine to dry.
Rule #5 do not use fabric softener.
Rule #6 pre-treat stains with Vanish, Dr Beckman, Ace, Napisan, Biotex, bicarbonate of soda etc etc depending on type of stain (again, I know) and use a good bio powder. I also put a whitener in with the school shirts and the white towels.
Rule #7 use a third half the recommended amount of powder. Do not use tablets or capsules.
Rule #8 empty machine promptly.
Rule #9 hang everything up so it doesn't need any as much ironing.
Rule #10 line dry everything where possible. Put towels in the drier if you want them fluffy. Tell anyone who complains about line dried, scratchy towels that they are getting the "Hamman experience" and should think themselves lucky!
We also have a table I bought from a wholesaler who fits out bars and restaurants that is high enough I can sort a whole load of washing in the utility. That's good.
And a squashy laundry basket from Lidl that can hold a whole load one handed. Ideally I would have two laundry baskets so I can empty and sort with more flexibility.
Put a towel in with every load where possible because it helps agitate the laundry and get things clean.
Yeah, I have a problem but my clothes and my family's look great!