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How do you make your DC1 feel as special as your newborn? Share with Fairy Non Bio for chance to win £300 voucher NOW CLOSED

236 replies

JustineBMumsnet · 16/05/2017 11:13

Fairy Non Bio is sponsoring the Mumsnet Talk App, and in light of this, they’d like you to talk about your experience of making your DC1 feel special after you bring your newborn home.

Bringing a new baby into the world is always special but, when it’s your second bundle-of-joy, it’s possible that your DC1 will feel left out. Fairy Non Bio would like to hear about the ways that you’ve ensured your child continues to feel special following the arrival of their little brother or sister. Maybe you set aside a weekly block of one-on-one time with them? Perhaps you let them have some responsibility when looking after the baby, so they can feel like they’re involved? If there’s anything you do to make sure your DC1 knows they’re just as special to you as your newborn, share with Fairy Non Bio below.

If you avidly check out Mumsnet's talk boards, you should download the app for yourself. It's free, and allows you to be part of the conversation wherever you are!

All who post on the thread will be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

Thanks and good luck!

MNHQ

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How do you make your DC1 feel as special as your newborn? Share with Fairy Non Bio for chance to win £300 voucher NOW CLOSED
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VelvetThunder · 21/05/2017 18:20

When dd was born, ds got a some little gifts from us and from a few family members whilst the baby got gifts so that he didn't feel left out. Ds was only 17 months when dd was born. He also had his own baby doll that he looked after. We all made sure that a fuss was made of him too.
Now at 2 and almost 1, they know no different and are so close, it's lovely seeing them grow up together. We've not really had any jealousy so we've been very lucky.

defineme · 21/05/2017 18:52

Kept to ds1's routine as much as possible, the twins had to fit around him.

oneplus2is3 · 21/05/2017 19:49

DD1 had twins to contend with so we were really aware of the potential for jealousy. We did the sisal present exchange between them but also involved DD1 in everything from the start. She wasn't even 2 when I was pregnant but she helped decorate their room and pick out the pram.

She was fine but I was really conscious of the attention the twins got so her to answer lots of questions directed at me- names, ages etc. When people tried to keep her away from them I made it clear that she could touch, cuddle and kiss as much as she wanted.

When they were about 6 months nap time was her time so as tired as I was she got to do something special (play doh, craft, puzzles) that couldn't be done around the twins.

They are now 4 and 2 and live each other to bits. It's amazing to watch.

honeyandginger48 · 21/05/2017 20:07

We tried to spend as much time as we could with our son whilst his baby sister was sleeping. We also bought a special toy for him and said it was from his sister. When friends and colleagues have babies, I always buy a gift for the older siblings too.

ohfourfoxache · 22/05/2017 12:02

I'm expecting ds2 at the moment and jealousy is something I'm really worried about. We've already got the boys a toy from each other and ds1 knows where the baby lives ATM (he's 2.2). When ds2 arrives he'll be the one to introduce him to visitors and help with general looking after (getting nappies, muslins etc). I just hope that what we do is enough Sad

Northgate · 22/05/2017 15:28

We tried to prepare our older DC for new siblings beforehand by reading books about new babies (the Pirate Pete is a new Big Brother one was a particular favourite) and talking about babies.

When the baby arrived, we did the whole "present from baby" thing, I made sure that I wasn't holding baby when the older DC came into hospital to visit for the first time after the birth.

But I think the most important thing is to give the older DC lots of one to one time whenever possible. It's unavoidable that the new baby's going to take up some of your time, and learning to share your parents with a baby is a big thing for a small child to adjust to. Making sure that there's some time that's just you and the older DC, while baby naps or someone else has baby, helps give them the reassurance they need that they're still important to you and loved and all that.

mummy81 · 22/05/2017 19:38

We got my DD a T-shirt saying big sister as a present from the baby DS. As I was feeding on demand it was difficult not spending time with DD but made sure Daddy took her on outings to feel special and I tried my best to make her feel involved when feeding.

PugwallsSummer · 22/05/2017 19:54

As well as getting DD1 involved in caring for her baby sister, we talk to her a lot about when she was a baby eg: "look at that face DD2 pulls when she's had enough milk - you used to pull a cute face just like that when you were tiny". She now asks a lot of questions about herself as a baby.

We also put DD2 to bed before DD1 so we have some special time to cuddle, read a story or play before she goes to bed.

GoodyGoodyGumdrops · 22/05/2017 21:27

When I was pg with dc2 I got dc1 used to book-sharing next to me on the sofa, with the book on a cushion on their lap. So that when I had dc2 we did not need to change anything. I could continue to cuddle dc1, read to them, etc, as before, all the while feeding dc2.

MontysMum22 · 22/05/2017 22:37

Firstly I think the child's disposition and personality play a big part in how they react to a new baby so I don't think parents should beat themselves up if their little darling reacts badly to a new baby and think they have failed in some way or think they are going to grow up into some kind of monster. However there are lots of ways to make them feel secure and untroubled by the changes in their lives that a new baby inevitably brings. I think it helps if you have supportive grandparents, or other family members and friends who are very involved with your child so that when the baby comes along there are other people who can lavish attention on them or can look after the baby to give you a bit of quality time with your firstborn so they don't feel they are now playing second fiddle to the baby. Also we found that talking about our new baby as something new and exciting that would happen to the whole family and fully involving our child in practical preparations like buying baby clothes etc helped prepare them for the arrival and also appointing them as mummy's new and responsible helper, passing nappy cream etc. Lastly our new baby went shopping somehow and bought a really great 'hello dear sister' present for our daughter to give to her when she visited us in hospital for the first time.

Summergarden · 23/05/2017 10:00

It was really important to set aside time daily for DC1, even if it was just bedtime stories, without having the baby in the room.

Every so often I also made the effort to take DC1 out somewhere special as her 'big sister' treat, such as to the cinema, or out for a cake in a cafe.

peronel · 23/05/2017 17:03

My DC1 was mature enough to understand that they would no longer be the centre of attention, but I am confident that, because he was an only child for quite a while, he never doubted that he was loved just as much as ever.

MakeTeaNotWar · 23/05/2017 17:36

DD was just 2 when DS came along so both kids were home with me. When DS was tiny, it was easy to heap the attention on DD as all the activities we went to were toddler led and DS just had to tag along in the buggy or sling so really DD got MORE Mummy-time as I wasn't at work anymore.

confusedofengland · 23/05/2017 18:22

We bought DS1 (then 2.3) a gift from DS2. It was a children's digital camera and we gave it to him at the hospital when they met & he took lots of photos of his new brother.

Once home, we made sure he was involved with 'helping' e.g. putting the bubbles in the bath, handing us nappies etc.

They are still very close now & never had any jealousy issues.

Squeezed · 23/05/2017 20:57

Dd2 "bought" a very special present for dd1. Dd2 still talks about it. We also go through videos of dd1 looking after the bump. I was very ill in pregnancy and dd1 was focused on looking after me (well she does want to be a doctor). This has continued. We often talk about how they are best friends. It helps that they adore each other more than anyone else in the world. It does appear to have backfired though because ds1 wants me to have 10 more babies. This is most definitely not happening.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 23/05/2017 21:06

DC2 "gave" DC1 a proper big boy bike as a newborn pressie!

We made sure DC1 was the first visitor (I had a c-section with DC2), DH collected DC1 from PIL to meet DC2.

DH spent a lot of his paternity leave focussed on DC1, and as soon as I was able to get DC2 into some sort of feeding routine, (so we could plan when I could leave her) I took DC1 out for a special treat just him and Mummy.

It's still very hard to get 1-1 time with DC1, it's easier with DC2 as she's only at pre-school so we have the afternoons when DC1 is at school to do things together. We do try to plan on DH and I taking each DC alone for few hours so we can give them both their own time. The temptation is to either do stuff all as a family, or for one of us to take both out so the other gets some 'me time', making sure they both get some individual time away from their sibling is always important.

Signoritawhocansway · 23/05/2017 21:08

I let DS1 hold DD (4 months) every bedtime, as part of a routine to show how grown up and special he is. He loves it!

Dangermouse80 · 23/05/2017 21:28

I never did the present from the baby to the older child, but simply involved the older one in everything going on. Treating it like an adventure and lots of praise for helping out.

MissEP · 23/05/2017 21:51

I really did expect that my first born would be jealous of her younger brother, it maks sense that she would be. The way we dealt with it was for her to be involved right from the start of the pregnancy, talking to my tummy, going to scans, explaining what was happening, deciding on names. She became very excited about him, wanted to buy him presents and kept asking when she would get to meet him. When the day came she came straight to the hospital to meet him and she was thrilled to bits. Kissed him and wanted to cuddle him. We got a present from him to her which of course she liked but I think it was all about involving her in his arrival and the excitement of it all which worked. She loves her brother to bits, it's so lovely to see and long may that last!

kateandme · 24/05/2017 03:03

went and bought a new cuddly toy for dc1 and then got them to pick one for the newborn.so they could be all big sister esque and give newborn her first teddy.
talk to them like a grown up taking them into the nursery and explaining where baby will sleep and how it might be noisy. but telling them "you must be sad or angry because we went rhtough all this with you,and you screamed and cried just as loud."
ask how they think we can make little one giggle.
what nursery rymes we can sing and then practice.
get them really involved.making them feel important in bringing the new one not on the outside because its then that they will feel left.
make sure there is specific time when you "right dc1 it you and me time lets go."
make sure they no the newborn might have to be looked after lots and ltos but you love them both the same its just the newborn is so small its needs a bit more watching.
also thought make sure they no bourndaries. that they just cant be important all the time and how love can be shared but just as strong.

GeekyWombat · 24/05/2017 07:43

We're another family who bought a Leappad as a gift for DD from her little brother - she'd always been very covetous of our tech and not allowed to use it much (ha those days have changed now we're dealing with two!) so she was giddy.

We made sure that she got to do lots of one to one things with us both, particularly in the first few weeks, so a few days after he was born, DH took DS out for a walk and DD and I did some baking (one of her favourite things to do) and then over the next few weeks Daddy took her to a trampoline park a few times to play (and burn off energy).

She took to being a big sister like a duck to water and is very loving and kind and watching the two of them interact is a real joy (he adores her and is fascinated by her in equal measure - like an anthropologist observing an exotic tribe at times!).

Interestingly, despite spending a great part of my pregnancy close to tears worrying about how our second child would impact on PFB, it's only as he's turned one and is thus now mobile and able to touch her stuff that she's gotten a bit funny with him on a few occasions. We've got a fab Sandra Boynton book about emotions that she loves and so she is able to say 'I am cross!' And with a bit of prompting explain why (usually DSand Duplo related!). Nothing too dramatic so far, but even a year on we're still watching for it.

Kingseye123 · 24/05/2017 15:41

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Chiddles09 · 24/05/2017 16:33

Lots of social story type books before the birth, so we talked a lot about what was going to happen.

Dc2 and 3 both brought presents with them for siblings when they were born.

I always buy sibling presents when giving a new baby present, and this was mostly reciprocated. I always asked the older children to help their younger brother to open his presents as well.

Lots of involvement in baby care and talking about what they are teaching their little brother.

Ds2 is autistic and we have had to find lots of books on child psychology to help him understand normal baby / child development.

Reading books and snuggling up all together while breastfeeding.

Putting the new baby in a sling and carrying on with the older dcs life once I was ready to go out.

daisyduke66 · 24/05/2017 21:11

As much involvement in the new arrival preparations as is possible and the same following the birth. That feeling of importance, responsibility and involvement in the whole process works wonders. Also remember all the baby present giving from visitors/family after the birth (whether at home or hospital) and have things ready to give the chief helper/s! (I was pleased at how many did actually consider this in any event). In short total involvement in absolutely everything possible!

tabbaz123 · 25/05/2017 05:47

I believe it is about allowing them to play their important role - They ARE important and from the onset of pregnancy should be as involved as possible - cuddle mummy, cuddle bump....Choose clothing together and then lots of photographs together...then of course this has to be balanced with special time with just mummy so for example once baby is asleep I would say - Lets have some special time just us two...