Well, in general, yes I do I suppose. I mean some of my best friends are men! I live with one too. But they fuck me off, in general, with how they
- don't listen when women tell them how to do things because they think they shouldn't be expected to make that much effort (so the couple fall into a routine where every time she does it, she does one and a half jobs, and every time he does it, he does half a job)
- don't respect women's work so if a woman is tired they think she is weak rather than doing a hard job
- Related to the above: patronsingly suggest an exhausted woman "take it easy" while making no effort to pick up any of the things that need to be done before 7am tomorrow
- also related to the above: when a woman has negative feelings about things, he always thinks the problem is her feelings rather than the thing ("I am upset and angry that you left the washing up for me to get back to" "you need to see a counsellor about your feelings")
- pick one thing to do and do only that and assume a cast of supporting characters will pick up the rest (childcare without laundry; meal prep without childcare; that sort of thing) - and act all aggrieved if anyone asks them about the things they aren't doing, because they are doing THIS ONE THING
In my experience, my children (with pretty normal skin) NEVER had nappy rash when I was on main duty but if I had to go somewhere else for a day at the weekend, they were at risk of it, and if I were working in the week after, it would linger until the weekend when I would get rid of it. Through sheer diligence and care and not sitting on my arse wondering if I could smell something and frequent cream.
In my experience, out of an NCT group of 7 couples, the 2 children whose fathers as opposed to mothers took on SAHD care after maternity leave, had very troublesome late diagnosed problems with extreme constipation (disguised as unwillingness to toilet train). Because their fathers could not be arsed to frequently offer water and fruit (or coax them to take it), did not recognise the signs of discomfort, were happy to leave attempting to potty train as late as possible anyway, did not hang around on mumset reading loads of early years parenting threads that make you familiar with quite common problems before they come up in your child (as a fraction will), the children ate a lot of tinned and packaged food, and nobody was properly tuned in to what was going on there. In the end, in each case, the mothers worked out what was happening, got medical appointments, and took time off work to spend time with the child at home, dosed with laxatives, to get it sorted.
All anecdotal. But it's all absolutely true.
when my dp was a sahd my children wore weird clothes, had knotty hair, ate too much packaged stuff and sugar (in my opinion - a lot less than other children) - except when he took home made food out of the freezer (made by me, around my full time job) watched too much TV, napped too randomly (causing inconvenience to me at other times, on my bedtime shift) - none of these things hurt them, they were loved and happy and secure - but I wouldn't, really really wouldn't, have wanted to hand them over as babies. (Aside from the fact that neither of mine had a drop of formula)
Sorry that was epic but this is a lot of people's reality. I am so glad if your husband is called Miles and has trendy glasses and cooks Hugh Fearney Whittingstall dishes for your children and then takes them into the garden to search for mini beasts with a little box with a magnifying glass - I am so happy for you - but really that guy is the exception, most of them are on the sofa.