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NOW CLOSED: Share with BT how you would help (or have helped) your mum, MIL or gran get online this Mother’s Day. You could win an iPad, worth £329!

148 replies

AnnMumsnet · 14/03/2012 10:05

We've been asked by BT as part of their Get IT Together campaign to ask you for your top tips for getting the older generation online.

And BT would love you to help spread the word about their campaign, too. They're aiming to help 100,000 people get online by the end of this year.

If your mum, or somebody else you know, isn't online, why not help them get there this Mother's Day? As the internet is such a brilliant way to keep in touch with family, share photos and shop online for gifts for the grandchildren what better Mother's Day gift could there be? Smile

According to BT, about 8 million people have never used the internet, and, as Gabby Logan, spokesperson for BT's Get IT Together campaign, says it's often just lack of confidence that stops them getting started. "Maybe they feel daunted or worry they are going to do something wrong," says Gabby. "If your mum isn't online, like my mum wasn't, why not spend some time with her and help her take those first steps? Get IT Together BT's Get IT Together website has step by step advice and videos to help you both. I'm sure she won't look back - my mum certainly didn't!?

Please do use this thread to share your tips with other MNers, and with BT, about getting your mum, MIL, grandmother or anyone older get online - whether you've done it already or are just gearing up for it.

Tell us your stories, too! How did you/will you approach it? Will/did you get your children involved? What does/will your mum or MIL most like to do on the net? Will she be/is she already a Gransnetter?

Everyone who adds a tip or story to this thread will be entered into a prize draw, from which one lucky person will win a 16GB iPad 2 worth £329. Please note your comments may be used on the BT pages on Mumsnet. Your MN nickname may be used along with your quote.

Thanks and good luck
MNHQ

OP posts:
JulesJules · 15/03/2012 09:22

Me and DH do a bit of tech support for Mum, and have talked her through running scans, attachments to emails, deleting emails (!) and so on. The latest thing was she phoned in a panic because her screen was upside down - talked her through putting it right.

I'm trying to persuade her to try food shopping online which she is reluctant to do, (but I think she orders from Amazon most days!) I will go over and talk her through it.

She did see an ipad at a friend's house a few weeks ago and thought it was amazing.

Codandchops · 15/03/2012 10:19

Ha! My Mum and computers - bless her. On go the glasses which she peers over to see the screen and then a puzzled vague look comes over her face as she presses buttons in vain trying to sort out what she is doing.Grin

I do scans for her, sort out files, organise her photos and generally do maintainance stuff.

She has discovered Facebook though and I am proud to say I introduced her to it. Facebook is great as it has helped her maintain contact with family spread all over the world, she loves being able to see what her family and especially her teenage granddaughters are up to. I think it is safe to say her teenage granddaughters are less impressed about their grandmother knowing what they get up to but they are too kind to defriend her.

At least she is less embarrassing than my Dad who specialises in "stupid webcam photos" when he can't sleep (often), his finest photo was of him with a gormless expression, daft smile and teatowel on his head. He then proceeded to "share" this with his grandchildren who all had to explain it to their friend.

FourQuartersOfLight · 15/03/2012 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oakwood · 15/03/2012 10:52

After getting my mum a computer and connected to the internet, she really surprised us all. We taught her the basics and from there she enjoyed exploring the web for herself. Obviously facebook is a hit but she also enjoys searching for new recipes! The kids love going round for the new cake she creates!

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 15/03/2012 11:12

My mum was really worried about breaking something on the PC, so was terrified of doing anything.

So after spending many weeks teaching her how to format a large document for a project she'd been working on for her degree, she was relatively happy using it as just a type writer, but really loved learning to add images and make it look polished and professional.
Once she had finished it (and prior to printing it out) I took out the hard disk, smashed it to bits and after a bit of a panic from her, explained that I had set up an automatic back up for her, and no matter what she did to her computer there was nothing she could do which would mean she would lose anything on her PC. I put in a new hard disk (It needed upgrading anyway, so I thought this was a good way to prove my point) and recovered all her files, including her project.

I know it was extreme, but I used to work in IT support, and no matter how many times I told her there was nothing she could do to break it, she just wouldn't believe me, so it was a perfect way to prove this to her.

She is now fully integrated with Social Networking and loves that she can keep touch with all the family around the world and watch nephews/nieces and grandchildren all growing up.

We bought her a nice light laptop for Christmas, so she didn't have to spend her time in the cold study on her own, and she's currently saving up for a iPhone, the funny thing is she's also convinced several of her friends to now go on line, and has become a bit of a support line for them. If anything she spends a lot more time online than I do these days.

Roseformeplease · 15/03/2012 11:17

I wish I could teach my mother as it would open up her world. She currently can't even watch TV as she doesn't understand it after the digital switchover. She says she is much happier reading and refuses to learn. Such a shame as the internet would help her feel much less isolated and 3 of her children live a very long way away.

aristocat · 15/03/2012 11:35

Sadly both of my parents died quite a few years ago so I was unable to show them the wonders of the internet. My Dad especially would have loved skpe and to be able to speak so easily and frequently to family who live overseas. I do believe he would have been on it all of the time Grin

My ILs have recently had broadband so this is a whole new world for them. We are currently getting them connected so a laptop/iPad is the way forward for them (i hope!)

How hard can it be to teach someone basic computer skills?
Actually, perhaps I will ask my DCs to show nanny & grandad ......

Haberdashery · 15/03/2012 11:51

LogMeIn has been an absolute boon for me when I need to help my in-laws. My mum is a former maths and computer studies teacher and my dad's a former IT director so they didn't need much help but the in-laws remain mystified by the simplest of things. LogMeIn is completely free and you can fix computer issues for clueless friends and relatives from the comfort of your own home. Really really useful.

daniellewilson1987 · 15/03/2012 12:28

ive helped my nan when shes tried to get online shes 80 and has always had the internet but never really used it much my biggest tip is to make sure they write down their passwords somewhere safe along with what websites its for as alot of the older generation (especially my nan) struggle to remember things like passwords and what they are for so this has really helped my nan gain confidence when going on the internet

weenwee · 15/03/2012 12:31

The key is to be simple. I set up my parent's computer to be bookmarked to the things they needed and wanted, so they didn't have to search around. Youtube, Gmail, etc. Then I set up a permanent desktop icon to Skype, and logged them in with a password setter (so they don't have to remember the password every time) so they can see their grandson a continent away with a click of a button! If you simplify the process, even the most technophobic parent or grandparent can find a level of computer competency that they are comfortable with!

stuckmum · 15/03/2012 12:50

My mum isn't online at the moment, but if I could afford to I would get her a computer or i-pad of her own to get her started. My dad's always on the computer, and wouldn't leave her alone to get her confidence up, I just know that he'd be looking over her shoulder all the time, and pushing her out of the way so that he could "fix" things for her. Just now she's OK while he's around, but given their family histories she'll probably be going strong long after him, and I'd love to give her the chance to skype her other grandson (who lives farther away from her than my two) all by herself! (And if I can do tech support for my dad over the phone, I could probably manage to do it for her too)

hoogervaaner · 15/03/2012 12:55

My Mum wasn't remotely interested in using the internet until I showed her Skype. She was delighted when she realised she could talk to/see her sister abroad and wave to her dogs who stay with us when she is on holiday (I deserve a medal for cleaning the dog lick off the screen when they realised Mummy was talking to them!). She has always had an eye for a bargain and once shown ebay she was away, the security of having a paypal account has increased her confidence. The most important thing for her is knowing she can be independent and sort herself out, even when she isn't well enough to leave the house, the fear of isolation and dependence on others has gone and it has quite literally changed her life!

baffledmum · 15/03/2012 13:03

My parents had one PC and a mobile each and were set up to use everything.

Then my Dad left and I suddenly saw how much he had learned but not shared with her. She was vulnerable and lacked confidence and understanding.

Over many months last year we dealt with looking into offers, setting up contracts, buying equipment, setting that up and learning about safety in a mobile / IT literate world.

There have been a few bumps on the way - she almost fell victim to a £99 over-the-phone hacking scam - and these relentless texts about having had an accident you can claim for (she hasn't) - but I've helped her appreciate that these messages aren't personal, they can be ignored and that IT can be fun e.g. CBeebies with her grandchildren and supermarket shopping.

What have we both learned? Well, if like my Dad I set stuff up for her she can use it but if we make time to go the extra mile and teach her how to set stuff up, then she has an extra skill for life, one that maybe she can share with others too. It takes much longer to teach her but that gives her an independence and understanding she wouldn't otherwise have.

champagnesupernova · 15/03/2012 13:07

My dad bought my mum (68) an Ipad (i don't have one though - HINTWink)
and I have been helping her with it as am a mac user so bit of x-over

She is VERY impatient with it though
I talked her through ordering some flowers for a friend over the phone and it took me an hour (!)
I suppose lots of things that are new for them to learn like passwords needing to be alphanumeric and memorable etc
And how to shop securely.
She doesn't like facetime/skype
I would love to sign her up for the FlyLady emails!

fishewen · 15/03/2012 13:41

I gave my Mum our old computer, and when she saw how much room it was going to take up she promptly went and bought herself a Laptop!
Now I (or my daughters) end up giving her lessons on how to use it whenever I stay

GooseyLoosey · 15/03/2012 13:53

You need to indentify a need that they could meet better on-line or with on-line assistance. If life is going very well without the internet and has done so for the last 70 years, why would you bother. You also need to make it as simple as possible and recongise that clicking icons and moving a mouse is not second nature to this generation, but a whole new skill and taking out extraneous steps makes it easier to learn.

I bought my 70 year old mother an e-reader (Kindle). She has problems reading normal size books and the large print ones are too heavy for her to hold with arthritic fingers. The Kindle is light and the text can be re-sized to whatever works for you.

I also set up an Amazon account for her with one click ordering and an icon to click on the desk-top to get to it and she loves it. She buys books all of the time and now she has realised how easy it is, she has branched out to google and other shops!

cabbagewhite · 15/03/2012 14:20

My Mum is nearly 82 years old and has no interest in doing it herself, although I think if she wanted to she would be able to. I buy a lot of things for her online, at her request, the last thing being tickets to fly to NZ to visit her sister. She has also looked at things we've shown her online and been interested, especially when I can tell her how much the bungalow up the road sold for, more or less than the asking price! I think if my Aunt in NZ had a computer, then Skype would have been enough to convince her to learn. She has no need, as I deal with all of her utility bills, so she just lets me do it. This is to do with her setting up direct debits - OK - but then leaving them for years, so she is then paying a lot more than she needs to. We would have set my Aunt up with a computer in New Zealand, but as she lives in Christchurch, she often doesn't have a working phone line, so a bit pointless for the foreseeable future. As she can't sell her house, she can't move back to the UK, which is her long term aim now she is a widow. They were both amazed when I bought and arranged delivery of a multi-region DVD player for her, from a local NZ department store, via the internet (pre-earthquake, shop is no longer there). I can then send DVDs via Amazon for her presents.

I have helped older people get online via my work as a support worker. My top tip would be don't try to help anyone if you do not have lots of patience, as you will have to constantly have to show or tell them the same thing many times until they get it. You also need to be both fairly competent and confident yourself.I write down basics for them, such as how to log on, how to open and save a document, how to access their emails, how to log off and close down properly. I've even taken photos and printed them with arrows drawn to certain buttons, or something on the screen, with a written explanation if it is a sticking point with them.

I use an automatic password and form filler - I personally use roboform. It saves lots of hassle especially when different websites have different criteria for passwords. Explain the importance of not using the same password for things like paypal as you do for other sites (banks have complicated criteria so you are unlikely to use the same information there as another website).

DO NOT click on any popups or adverts EVER. Also watch links other people post, especially in forums, as they can be malicious or just sick.

Use an online email account such as hotmail or yahoo, so that you retain access if you change internet providers or whilst you are away.

I also remind them that it becomes easier the more that they use it, they should not be frightened of either the computer or the internet, the latter they cannot break and the former can almost always be fixed, unless it's been dropped or it has had liquid spilt on it. And yes, I have witnessed a laptop being used as a tray for drinks Shock

If they have an interest such as steam trains, animals, genealogy, keeping in touch with distant relatives, then show them how they can pursue this online. Doing something that interests them is a really good way to engage their interest, it will motivate them to learn.

If they don't feel confident in backing up the computer find someone who will do it for them, also checking the security is up to date and unnecessary items are deleted. I know you can set them to run automatically, but I've used lots of different programmes over the past 17 years, and have yet to find one that doesn't need some manual checking up on.

All local further education colleges have beginners computer courses, the ones for complete novices are usually free or very cheap and are well worth it for those who are able to attend.

I only work part-time, but I am known as the 'tech support', any problems get left until I'm back in work (or I get a phone call at home, but I don't mind). I also have to sort out the malfunctioning freeview and Sky boxes. It is usually very simple to sort out, but they are too 'frightened' to have a go. I always try to show them what they need to do and some of them have actually done what I've shown them, if it has happened again. The biggest problem is when Windows crashes, I can usually get it working again - I haven't been defeated yet! I've lost count the number of times I get told that someone has broken their computer, when it is 'just' Windows crashed again (usually after an update).

After all I was a beginner once and I try to remember what helped me.

PattiMayor · 15/03/2012 15:53

My mum is pretty good on email but struggled with Skype a little at first. I set up her account for her and the webcam. She has a little book with a separate page for each of the things she uses - email, flickr (for sharing photos), skype. On each one, I've written her a list of instructions and then got her to follow them while I'm there so we can both be sure she knows what she's doing.

I've also explained about not clicking links on emails from people she doesn't know and if she gets something that looks 'dodgy', she forwards it to me to vet.

It's brilliant to be able for her to see us (we live a couple of hours away) and for my DS to show his pictures and toys to her. I'm really pleased she's taken to it so well because it makes being a long-distance grandma much easier :)

beachhutbetty · 15/03/2012 17:09

This thread made me smile as I "fondly" remember the frustrations of getting my mother online! She has always been interested but never really got into it until we moved abroad. At first it was just short emails and then she started sending photos. We even tried Skype once!

It's been a long, slow and at times painful process but now she is even shopping online (something she said she'd never do as she didn't trust entering her card details). I get updates on all the ebay and amazon purchases, having thought we'd cleared the house out when they downsized it's getting full again!

My saving grace was typing up basic instructions with screen shots and sending them to her (snail mail to begin with), after that we progressed onto email attachments!

MIL was similar although it was an absolute godsend last year when both she and FIL were ill and housebound. It was a 5hr round trip for me to go and see them, which weekly was impossible with DCs/school/work etc, so I set up online shopping for them and got the groceries delivered.

Many times I have considered a Wine before the sun was over the yard arm but it was worth it in the end and now the "helpline" phonecalls are fewer!

zipzap · 15/03/2012 17:18

My mum is a complete technophobe - I've only just managed to get her onto sky as it was such a nightmare trying to give her instructions to programme her video remotely over the phone, she can just about answer her mobile phone (so long as she is expecting a call so has it switched on) but retrieving texts or messages are well beyond her and she still can't see the internet.

Well - that is until she needs something and then I get a phone call and search for the info for her, or she comes over if it is something she actively wants to see. If I'm at her house I tend to take my laptop with me, and my iphone so she can do any stuff she needs to do then - again by sitting down and doing ti for her. She actively does not want to have a computer in the house, would be lovely if she did. I could see her getting on a bit better with an ipad - she is a bit Hmm when she sees my 3yr using the iphone quite happily and I do try pointing out that if he can do it, she could.

Oh and she does write down any 'email or website numbers' (ie email addresses or urls) when she spots them and think they will be interesting or useful because she is still of an age of thinking about people having telephone numbers and assumes that 'the internet uses numbers instead of addresses as it sort of comes through the telephone'.

So I guess my tip boils down to - if you have a technophobe mum like mine, make sure you have a comfy chair and a large brandy to hand whenever she calls up to get you do something on the Internet as you know you are likely to be in for a long, fraught and patience-testing session...

legoballoon · 15/03/2012 17:22

Regular skypes with the grandchildren. Point out the benefits of shopping on line (deliveries etc.) - offer practical help (e.g. sorting out routers etc.) but don't patronise - there are lots of older people using t'interweb these days!

PattiMayor · 15/03/2012 18:28

God, reading that back, I've made my mum sound entirely incompetent. She really isn't - I'm amazed at how well my dad and her have taken to online life. My dad is the world's biggest Amazon fan and he's 80 this year. I did manage to dissuade him from buying my mum an ipad for her birthday - I think he wants it more than she does! Actually, there's an idea for his 80th birthday present ...

herecomesthsun · 15/03/2012 18:41

I would love my MIL to get online. I think the possibility of emails from the grandchildren is a good enticement, also online ordering of shopping. I have some maternity leave this year, so am hoping to spend more time with her, and this is definitely something we can discuss!

I will also be encouraging DH to take this up with her.

DoItRight · 15/03/2012 19:51

My best suggestion is definitely knowing he passwords mum (or dad) use for things like email etc. That way I can log in to help if there are any issues with what they're using. My mum did a course through our local library, and has never looked back Grin

DoItRight · 15/03/2012 19:51

*the