18 year old DS with ADHD about to fail A-levels

[Summertimemadness2026]

DS1, just turned 18, has ADHD and serious non-attendance at sixth form. Year 12 was pretty bad and he had to re-sit his end of year 12 exams in order to get CDD, and year 13 has been a write off (his attendance this term is 14%). He has never liked school (was permanently excluded in year 10 and missed about 3 months of school) but, with intensive tutoring, managed to pass all 9 GCSEs with decent enough grades to do A-levels although he wasn't keen to do them. We also managed to get him an EHCP at the end of year 11. However, he moved school to do A-levels along with his best friend but, for whatever reason, hates his current school. The teachers are mostly supportive but he just has no motivation and won't go. He stays up all night most nights or until 3 or 4 am and then can't get up in the morning. He has had throughout his A-levels 2-3 hours per week 1-1 tutoring and is currently having around 5-6 hours 1-1 tutoring at home that I pay for and he works well with his tutors, despite taking ages to come down from his room. His tutors think he should sit all three A-levels but I am on the verge of just giving up, stopping the tutoring and letting him fail. He says he wants to sit the exams but then does nothing, literally nothing, other than lie in bed all day. He used to go out a lot until about a year ago when he stopped going out socially and now he only sees his best friend. He used to go to the gym but has also stopped going there as well. Can anyone advise me what to do? I am SO fed up with him lying around just doing nothing, makes me so angry. Just wanted him to get his A-levels so that he has some options but it is like dragging a stone weight up a hill and he couldn't care less either way.

This was someone who should never have embarked on a levels

not least because he didn’t want to

he has 9 GCSEs, well done getting him to that point. And you’re clearly very invested in him and doing a great job trying to help him. But what are the Alevels for? What career does he want? Sounds to me like he’d be better off joining the navy or army and going off to see a bit of the world and work and experience life. Then he can pursue education later if it’s for a purpose.

also he sounds down, like his life lacks meaning if he’s stopped socialising and seeing friends. I do think he wants you to be happy but feels trapped by expectations of a levels.

I think explore work options. He seems very capable but needs a job he loves to progress

Thanks, that's really helpful and constructive. Out of interest, what did he lose by staying in education for 2 more years?

He wants to run his own business building websites. His A-levels were basically to give him options in case he does ever want to go to uni in future and also because there is value in being educated to a higher level than 16, not least because as a 16 year old he had no idea what he wanted to do and probably wouldn't have done anything,

What support is in the EHCP? Is DS receiving it all?

What was the outcome of the last review? When DS’s attendance fell so low, did you request an early review? What is the plan for after A levels?

Does DS take anything to aid sleep? Is he on ADHD medication?

Let him crack on with his business idea. He has a wonderfully supportive parent so I’m sure he’ll succeed and if he doesn’t, there is plenty of ways to access higher education post 18. My own mother went to Cambridge completing an access course part time over two years at the local sixth form college.

i understand 16 year olds have problems with motivation, but best place to start is with what he’s interested in. And getting a minimum wage job and seeing what it means to work a minimum wage job may motivate him to make a better life for himself too.

ultimately I sympathise with your desire to set him up with options, but from everything you’ve written it sounds like a young man that needs to meet the reality of the working world first. Of course just my advice, you don’t need to take it. Good luck.

Hi, I feel your pain. Currently going through it with one of mine. Yes, it is worth him sitting the exams, they are a good experience. Is money an issue? If not, could you increase the tuition hours? Is he on medication? I think that can be a game-changer. How many weeks til the exams start? (Ours start tomorrow - IB). Drive and motivation will prob increase the closer the exams get.

He is likely to have organisational and motivation difficulties - can you incentivise him, for each hour of revision he does? (I am rewarding each hour of revision with £1! I think far better to reward / incentivise the revision / effort than the results). Maybe put a revision timetable together with him? He is likely to struggle to get going, and will need accountability. Helping them to identify what they should revise and how can also get over the block some have.

Body doubling can really help. For us, in practice, it means my dc does revision in the kitchen, and I stay quietly in the room, doing my own thing, but present. It is also helpful as when there is a concept that has suddenly fallen into place, my CS likes to explain it to me (a way of reinforcing it).

I am encouraging my dc to think about these exams as a ‘supermarket trolley dash’ - very much the aim is to pick up as many marks as possible, and hopefully attempting each question (in some way), but not wasting time in questions that are impossible (leave them and move on).

There are lots of resources out there (lots of videos on you-tube), and some good ones that do walk-throughs of past papers, or tops / strategies for how to answer a 10-mark question etc.

Also look at encouraging some physical activity - the aim is to try and get a dopamine hit, then the brain works a bit better. Exercise can give a dopamine hit (even just kicking a ball around in the garden!). Sadly, dark chocolate can give a dopamine hit too, (and caffeine), so stocking up in dark chocolate and periodically posting them into the mouth can help. Strong mints can also perk up the system. Good music can help with focus as well (weirdly).

I’m just hoping mine gets what they need to, to move onto the next stage.

I will say, though - that sometimes it can be early 20s when things kick into place for a yp with adhd (or similar), so if things dont quite go how he / you want this summer, dont despair, as things could really change for him over the next few years, and maybe he will revisit things then. Good luck to us all!!!

Seriously? What did he lose by wasting two years doing something he never wanted to do and is likely to walk away with nothing?

He lost two years of doing something else. That he could have enjoyed and got him something at the end of it. Vocational perhaps. An apprentice. Or even just unskilled work and earned money.

What alevels is he doing?

Not a waste. Education is never a waste. And there aren't exactly a lot of good jobs going for 16 year olds with no higher education. You clearly have nothing constructive to add so suggest you hop onto another thread. I have enough on my plate without dealing with nasty and unhelpful comments. There always has to be at least ONE mumsnetter who does this unfortunately.

Why does that matter to you? Planning another attack?

Can you PLEASE go away. I am here to get advice from other posters. You clearly have NO interest in contributing anything helpful to this thread to please go elsewhere to amuse yourself.

Thank you, this is very helpful.

DS is not taking any ADHD medication. He has a prescription but don't take it as he doesn't like how it makes him feel. He doesn't respond to any rewards or incentives at all. To give an example, he has 38k in his child trust fund which has just matured but I am refusing to give him the account details unless he makes an effort to study. He still won't or can't, I don't know which.

He sat an assessment at school last week which was similar to a past paper for one of his exams and scored 8/60! One of his teachers is suggesting to drop an A-level and focus on just two and take the 3rd next year - his other teacher and his tutors say try all three. What would you do?

That sounds really difficult, so sorry to hear this. In some ways, it is very much down to your dc, what they will be prepared to do. He needs to engage with the decision making - and he needs to understand what the consequences are. We have family members (in the wider family), who are in their 20s, and not doing anything, and it is a really awful situation to be in, and my 18 year old understands this as well.

Can you sit down and have a conversation - would your dc be able to tell you what they feel the problems are, and why they are not engaging? Does your dc want to do any particular job / role in the future? Are they willing to spend another year in the same setting, doing the third A level?

Ultimately, it is important to know where he wants to get to, and what hoops need to be jumped through, in order to get there - and that can guide what steps he takes. It doesn’t matter if things take longer than anticipated. Sorry I’ve not been much help.

Has DS tried different ADHD medication if he doesn’t like how the current one makes him feel?

Unfortunately he won't engage, won't discuss what he will do. I know he wants to take a year out with his best friend but I have no idea what he wants to do other than hang around home and try and set-up their business. He sleeps most of the day most days, barely showers, has stopped even going to the gym. He refuses to go to a CAMHs appointment I made him although finally agreed to speak to the dr on the phone who seemed satisfied with why he didn't want to try medication. No idea what to do. Would you keep trying to push him through his A-levels or give up? Or maybe drop one.

No as he doesn't want to take medication full stop.

That is really difficult. What does he do for money?

Have you spoken to the teachers, is it possible to hedge his bets, and keep all A levels on at the moment, and then see how it goes over the next few weeks in terms of whether he just concentrates on two, rather than all three - but if he does want to try the three then he still can? Will he actually attend the exams? Is there an obvious one that he would drop? I would be very unwilling to just let mine ‘quit’ all of the A levels, this close to the end - if the current workload is not manageable, then reducing down to two may be easier? Have you looked at the exam timetable - is there an obvious one to drop (that he is doing worst at, or that is hardest, or is less relevant to his future), and if so, will it make the exam timetable much easier (people with adhd tend to get better at focussing near to the exams, so having more space between exam sessions might help (the cramming process)). Maybe he will engage in the decision of which one to drop? Or will he let you decide?

Can you get school to facilitate a meeting with him, so they can ask what he is willing to do / what he wants?

Without knowing him it is difficult to say what I would do in this situation. If one of mine were in this situation, I would definitely be telling them that not having a plan for next year is not an option - to continue getting an allowance / being financially supported by me then they would need to either work / study / volunteer / work experience, or a combination of those. And I would try to make staying at home doing nothing less attractive - limiting broadband / WiFi to a few hours in the evening, not buying snacks etc - so that the desire to have money and agency become a motivator for effort.

This may not be at all appropriate for you, and may not work (I am not an expert at all). Are there any charitable / support organisations out there who can provide advice / support / courses / resources about parenting ND teens?

For money, I pay for his phone, gym membership and occasionally give him money for a hair cut but apart from that I don't give him any money. I tried to terminate his phone contract but really difficult with O2 and it didn't end for some reason (plus him not having a phone can also backfire) and was going to cut his gym membership but he has stopped going anyway so this won't have any leverage. I have issued multiple threats about not supporting him post 18 if he makes no effort and have told him he needs to live with his dad but he ignores me. I've said some really horrible things to him out of desperation which I don't forgive myself for but it's so hard seeing him throw his prospects away and for what? He isn't going out, isn't engaging with anything really.

I have to say, my instinct has been the same as yours re exams - to push him through rather than accepting defeat now and giving him no chance. I think he will turn up and sit them and he will work with tutors over the last few weeks. One of his A-levels is French and he is naturally very good at this (dad is half French) and got a 9 at GCSE so should perform well at least in the Speaking, Reading and Listening parts but we'll need to tutor intensively in writing. The only question is whether he should drop 3rd subject but the 3rd subject (the one he has done least work on) is definitely the easiest A-level if that makes sense.

Also to add, most of his exams are very spread out, with a week or so in between which is good.

What are the other two A levels - and what does he want to do next year?

Is he naturally quite capable, aside from the adhd / motivation / possible depression? I was always unable to focus / revise, but had a very good visual short-term memory, so managed with night before cramming.

To be honest, not showering, stopping going to the gym, stopping engaging with things and school does really sound like a bit of ‘shutdown’ (i dont know whether this occurs with adhd as well as with autism? Maybe he has both?). It sounds like he might be very overwhelmed. Does he spend the night-time gaming? I think sometimes that can be used to self-soothe.. but it is easy to develop a dependence. I think this would be one of the first things I would try and tackle, to be honest - trying to switch his awake times to the daytime. (And sleep to nighttime). Can you switch off your router / broadband overnight? Does he have problems sleeping - would he try melatonin (prescription only), or maybe even an over the counter medication? Sometimes things can slip into place in ND when you get the sleep right.

He was assessed for autism in the past but we were told he has traits but doesn't meet the threshold. His teacher flagged it again last year when he went on a school trip for a few days and he seemed to be actively avoiding people. The teacher observed that other students were trying to be friendly with him but DS was polite but didn't want to engage/likes his own space. He doesn't strike me as autistic but have wondered if he has PDA or similar? Just don't know. Would be easier to understand him if there was some explanation.

As for his sleeping, or lack of it, he seems to deliberately stay up all night working on his computer or sometimes watching films but not gaming. I read somewhere that ADHD folk like to stay up late as they have their own space, time to get stuff done, which resonates with DS. It's like he wants to stay up rather than a case of not being able to get to sleep.

And yes, he is definitely bright and capable, can write really well, IQ of 135/high verbal intelligence, can be really emotionally intuitive, usually very kind, loves animals. On the downside, he can be really loud, wired, inconsiderate and annoying to me and his younger brother. As well as refusal to go to school.

What does he do all all day when he refuses to go to school?