I posted this in the parenting Teens section but am posting here too in the hope people can help me help DS.
DS (aged almost 17) has been very stressed recently. He bottles emotions very tightly. He has high functioning autism (HFA) and finds it hard to express how he feels.
Today it came out that he really longs to have a social life. His neurotypical twin brother is very popular - always off at parties, does loads of afterschool clubs, excels at a sport at national level. My gorgeous DS is funny, clever, kind, has loads of interests - music, politics, comedy, art, drama. He gets on OK with people at school. People 'like' him. And he masks his autism so well (thorugh choice) that most people don't know he has it.
But he never gets close enough to people that he is invited to parties or included in social outings very often. Recently his brother got him an invite to a simple pizza night at his friends house and now DS is saying he wishes those people were also his friends. they are so funny and kind and laid back. (It's true his twin brother does have exceptionally lovely friends.) I knwo from the past that people he considers close frineds barely register him as an acquaintance (eg I overheard boys he invited birthday parties whispering to each other 'Why are you here - do you know him at all?' 'Not really.' And yet these were people he considerec close because he maybe sat with them at lunch a few times a week. To him, that's friendship. To them, it's just lunchtime.
i don't know what to do. I don't ever want his brother to feel he I has to persuade friends to include DS; he's not his keeper. And I don't want DS to wish he had his brother's life (which he does. Because his brother is taller, more academic, more sporty, more popular and he just feels so much in his shadow.)
Right now, I'm on the brink of tears, wishing I could create a social life for him. He just wants to be invited to a few parties, and have someone to go to music festivals with. People seem to keep him at a distance, but I really am not sure why. He is very funny and thoughtful towards others. His autism really doesn't stop him recognising other people's needs. He can be quite 'flat' in his voice and body language. As though he's deeply fed up. And he's incredibly shy so doesn't give off a vibe of wanting to have fun.
Sorry - long post. But what can I do to help him?