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Original poster

well. he has gone :0(

63 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 29/06/2012 20:19

DS. hes gone.
he came back today and snook in and took his stuff while i was at work. i dont know where he is staying or who with, or anything.

3 times last week he told me to "fuck off" when something wasnt quite going his way.
he did it again last night and i asked him to leave if he had no respect for me.
so he packed his laptop and buggered off.

i expected him to be back today, tail between legs....
no.
its my fault because i get stressed with work apparently - notning to do with living with a 20 year old who swears at me, lives in squalor, stays in bed until 3pm, wont do anything around the house or even put his washing in the basket....and who has stolen money from my bank.
nothing to do with that.
its my fault clearly, because i get stressed, and because i get stressed it clearly has to be my job - he says i "wasnt like this" before i joined the police Hmm

this is a losing battle isnt it. He will never ever see his responsibility in anything and its always my fault - never his - and he is pathologically unable to see anything from anyone elses view point.....(yes - he has aspergers)

so. its come to this. 20 years of doing everthing for nothing - He was a lovely little boy....and i was quick off the draw, saw his differences and went with instinct, got his dx at 7, took him to all his appointments, speech therapy, physio, OT, the many many assessments, called meeting after meeting and fought for support in school, college, (and uni - speaking of which i dont think he will go now - and i think he will blame that on me...not so much fighting for support there though ironically - it wont get used)

can a man with the mind of a child survive in the big wide world alone? seems he has cut me out.
so thats the thanks i get for 20 years hard hard bloody graft. today, on duty, i found a woman who had taken an overdose because she could no longer cope with her autistic child.....i understand that. sadly. i wish she had waited for me before she took the tablets, because i live that life too. Its not always bad. it wasnt always bad. but i dont think he is going to contact me again, (until he wants something?? )

ive no idea what i did wrong. truly i cant say that i think i did anything wrong. i waited until he was 19 to go and get a full time job - surely im allowed that now? and that seems to be all he is moaning about....

but he cant see that anything he does would stress me - it has to be my job doesnt it? Sad he cant see past the end of his nose.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 29/06/2012 22:53

i will. ill phone them. ill give them his number.

OP posts:
trumpton · 29/06/2012 22:56

You mooch around on here for as long as you need to. ((hug))

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 29/06/2012 23:01

thanks trumpton and Thanks all. im just feeling sad. im feeling sorry for my self and im being slightly pathetic but there we go. its how i feel. i do tend to live in the moment....
ive asked DH to start sorting his room out. it needs it. i dont think he will come back for a while tbh, but i was only prepared to have him until sept and uni anyway.
i need the break.

OP posts:
trumpton · 29/06/2012 23:05

Throw away the festering piles in the room and make it smell better at least. I am still not allowed in Ds's flat but when I was in it amonth ago it was RANK !
He told me this week his oven is not working but I dont know if LL has done anything about it. I am glad I didn't get in to clean the oven !!

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 29/06/2012 23:12

you know i actually imagined it would get easier as he got older

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 29/06/2012 23:12

Oh no, so sorry Vicar.

(((Vicar))) and another Wine

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 29/06/2012 23:12

and i could seriously murder a cigarette. i stopped 10 years ago....

OP posts:
trumpton · 29/06/2012 23:13

Not easier just different.

trumpton · 29/06/2012 23:15

I have been buying Ds tobacco as he had no money at all and I didn't think the time was right to make him do without. I was so close to using some of his tobacco. I stopped about 10 years ago as well. Stay strong.

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 29/06/2012 23:18

well luckily ive consumed too much wine to get into the car to go and buy cigs and icant be arsed to get dressed and walk.

OP posts:
peacefuleasyfeeling · 29/06/2012 23:21

Oh dear, I'm feeling for you. I don't have any advice, but am sending you love and courage and wishing your son is safe and warm where he is.

trumpton · 29/06/2012 23:21

Yup I have had nearly a bottle . Lets hope no one needs me tonight ! DH is a a music session so will roll in much later. I am off to bed but will check in during the wee small hours. Thinking of you .

trumpton · 29/06/2012 23:22

is AT a music session

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 29/06/2012 23:27

thanks trumpton.....i need my bed too soon. appreciate the company though...

OP posts:
trumpton · 29/06/2012 23:30

Tucked up in my bed now . Night night sleep tight .

5inthebedPPA · 29/06/2012 23:33

Night vicar, hope he gets in touch x

cakeismysaviour · 29/06/2012 23:35

You poor thing, you must be so worried. Sounds like he is almost certainly with his friend who has his own flat. At least he should be safe there.

You never know, a week or so of having to fend for himself might make him see you in a whole new light. I bet his friend won't do his laundry or cooking for him. Wink

Hopefully, he will sheepishly return in a short while.

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 29/06/2012 23:38

gnite and thanks. x

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 30/06/2012 01:00

I can't sleep Sad DD just gave me a cuddle.
My nose is blocked . I can't breathe.

OP posts:
trumpton · 30/06/2012 04:01

I am here again . I hope you are sleeping . Cuddles are what you need.

trumpton · 30/06/2012 04:02

I am here again . I hope you are sleeping . Cuddles are what you need.

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 30/06/2012 12:45

i was sleeping by 4, but i woke today feeling like ive had no sleep - i feel so fatigued, not just tired, i feel physically unable to move and im at work tonight for a 10 hour shift until 4am.....im so tired.

ive sent him a text to ask him if he has thought about what he is going to do - whether he is staying permanently with a friend, if he is still going to uni, etc.

no reply.

OP posts:
trumpton · 30/06/2012 13:10

Not telling you what to do at all and our situations are different but I was advised by crisis team just to detatch a little . Just to send texts with family news and snippets to keep contact . No questions about his plans.

I do hope you get a nap in this afternoon . You are in my thoughts all the time .

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 30/06/2012 13:20

what i really want is for him to come home until sept, us to help him move on to uni, and him to stop being vile to me.

its not going to happen though is it.

i should detach. i should.

OP posts:
UnChartered · 30/06/2012 13:25

aw Vic

i can't offer any advice but wanted to give you huge {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

it doesn't get easier does it? just different

please be kinder to yourself - you have done far more than a lot of people could even think about