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SN teens and young adults

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

Original poster

to want to scream and shout at somebody else's mother!

77 replies

Dawndonna · 01/11/2011 17:23

Try to get it all out.
I read my the text on ds2s phone. I have an agreement with him whereby this can happen because he is AS and has been in serious danger before.

Turns out that all the talks about contraception we've had have gone out of the window, she's on the pill but won't take extra precautions and now she's late.
(Yes she's been on antibiotics and other medication).
Ds has just started A levels, is easily manipulated etc. After much shouting discussion, I agreed that they could still see one another but on sensible terms. Rang her Mum to try to talk sensibly and it's all my fault, I have invaded his privacy, there's nothing wrong with him, I should let them see each other every night if they choose. I apparently have a crap relationship with my son because he didn't tell me.
Aaaaaaaargghh my head is exploding.

OP posts:
AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 18:34

You're not the bad guy. This other mum sounds as if either she has panicked and thought you were attacking her/her DD or, frankly, she's not a very nice person. You know you weren't trying to attack her DD, so don't let her get to you.

But you do need to work out a plan of action. Keep in mind this girl must be really, really scared - not just the pregnancy scare but also presumably she is feeling caught between you and her mum, and her boyfriend.

How is your DS taking it all?

squeakytoy · 01/11/2011 18:43

This is a genuine question, and please dont take offence at my ignorance. But if your son has AS to the extent that you say, and I am sure he could qualify as a doctor, but how could he actually practice as one.

worraliberty · 01/11/2011 18:43

Stranded, he doesn't lie. Don't come back with the crap that all teenagers lie. He has AS.

Did you mean to add the 'AS' part on the end to mean that because he has AS he can't/doesn't lie or was it just that you were reminding Stranded that he has AS?

If it's the first one, I hate to tell you but having AS does not necessarily mean he can't/won't or doesn't lie.

I've seen this time and time again but often the parent just won't have it.

Maryz · 01/11/2011 18:49

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AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 18:51

squeaky - why not? Confused

worra - what does it matter? I mean, I know that it matters to the OP that her son can't lie and I see that she's going to care about that as part of his AS. But honestly, in the context of the thread I don't see why it matters - if he were a NT child, and had lied about it, would it really make a difference to what the OP does now?

Kladdkaka · 01/11/2011 18:52

My AS daughter can't lie. Doesn't stop her trying though. A flashing neon sign over her head saying 'lying' would be less of a give away than the look on her face.

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 18:54

Btw ... I may well be totally wrong here, but being able/unable to lie isn't diagnostic, it's only symptomatic. The impairments in the Lorna Wing/Triad sense that are relevant would presumably be impaired communication/imagination - so I think the OP was not saying 'He has AS' because she means 'and no person with AS can lie' - I think she's just explaining that the way his AS manifests itself is such that he can't lie.

May be wrong though.

Kladdkaka · 01/11/2011 18:54

I can understanding the leaving the phone out. My daughter does something similar but with post-its. My heart sinks every time I see a post-it stuck to my computer or the fridge or the bathroom mirror.

slavetofilofax · 01/11/2011 18:54

Some people with AS really don't lie. They just don't even have the imagination to make up a convincing lie, so even if they did lie, it would be very noticable.

My ds has AS, he does tell lies, but he can't keep a straight face while doing it. So he is learning that there is no point to lying. AS presents in so many different ways though. It's not even as if you can measure what a person will be like by how severe it is, it just doesn't work like that.

About the question about whether he could be a doctor or not, I don't see why he couldn't. My ds could be a doctor if he wanted too, he would just have very little bedside manner. But then that is true of just about every doctor I have met that isn't in a GP surgery, and quite a few of those would fit in the 'no bedside manner' catergory too.

Maryz · 01/11/2011 18:56

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Groovee · 01/11/2011 19:00

Regarding the how could he practice as a Doctor.. Have you seen some doctors and the way they are?

Original poster
Dawndonna · 01/11/2011 19:33

Chipping Have asked, Thank you.

Worra I have three with As. Ds2, really can't lie.
Dd1 can't tell when she is.
Dd2. The lie is always the first thing that comes out of her mouth!
What I'm trying to say is, I fully accept that some do, some don't and (I hope) I'm aware.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dawndonna · 01/11/2011 19:33

My Dad was AS. He was a muched loved and respected GP.
(Think Doc Marten)

OP posts:
Original poster
Dawndonna · 01/11/2011 19:34

Martin
Sorry.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 01/11/2011 19:39

As far as I was aware though, it is a spectrum, and some people will function better than others obviously. The reason for my question was, if he is not able to understand the basics of unprotected sex at 17, will he ever be able to? It must be difficult as a parent, because at 17, he isnt really a child, in the eyes of the law he is a consenting adult.

NellyMelba · 01/11/2011 19:41

if he is old enough to get someone up the duff, he is old enough to deal with the consequences

Maryz · 01/11/2011 19:43

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/11/2011 19:45

Nelly, many 11 or 12 y o boys are capable of "getting someone up the duff", wouldn't think they're old enough to take the consequences though.

Maryz · 01/11/2011 19:47

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Original poster
Dawndonna · 01/11/2011 19:47

Maryz
DH also has AS. He is 12 years younger than me, and yes, it took him a good long time to be a responsible father in all ways. He was responsible in most ways, just needed guidance and a bit of polish here and there!
Interestingly, there a lot of AS chaps in relationships/married to older women.

OP posts:
Maryz · 01/11/2011 19:52

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BOOareHaunting · 01/11/2011 19:59

I think the other mum is contradicting herself. One minute they're both adults who can make their own decisions and the next it's your fault for being a bad mum Confused.

She can't have it both ways.

IMO from what you've said here you've tried to be open and informative with your DS about sex and help him/ lead him to make sensible decisions knowing that he will be swayed by the 'now' when he's faced with an alternative.

I don't know much about 'mainstream' SN children (iyswim) as I work special ed (severe SN) but it sounds like your DS needs a gf who will try and understand his AS and support his decisions wisely not who will lead him into trouble.

Best ofluck for his A2's and Dr training.

BOOareHaunting · 01/11/2011 20:01

X posts DawnDonna. Re sensible GF/ wives!

Original poster
Dawndonna · 01/11/2011 20:23

I was scared of posting this initially, however, I would like to Thank everyone for their kindness and understanding.

Mary re: UN Peacekeeping. I apply everytime there's a row here! Grin

OP posts:
Maryz · 01/11/2011 20:32

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