The Goose and Carrot July Edition

[Lougle]

All welcome, and everything disappears after 90 days.

@TheGoodCat I couldn’t work more hours. At times over the last 18 months or so I have thought about resigning. It only works because a lot is flexible and some of it is paperwork that I do overnight.

@inthequietofdawn i am amazed at working geese. When I worked it was also under the cover of darkness tapping away when everyone was sleeping. Maybe I will amaze myself again one day, I hope so.

I'm the main earner (I was before DH retired but it was v close) and work is a break for me really.

@TheGoodCat I gave up my career many, many years ago. Well before DSs were born. I couldn’t work and care for DD1. For a long time, I didn’t/couldn’t work at all. Then a few years ago, when things became more settled, I started working part-time TTO for an organisation who supports families with disabled DC. It is only possible because of the support and provision we have in place.

@drspouse i can understand that.

@inthequietofdawn I can understand that too.

I dream of working but right now, it would be absolutely impossible. I wonder if I'll ever use my brain again.

The psychologist visited me in DD1's cabin today. She didn't join us. We had a long, emotional, exhausting chat about the way forward. I've put in another complaint about the psychiatrist tonight. I've also pointed out that I'm in a strong position to advocate for DD1 because of my background, but I'm almost certain that there will be many others facing the same issues, who either have no voice or the confidence to use it.

We went to DDs' school fete today. I found DD2 sitting in a classroom on her own, and she cried when she saw me. Her TA had apparently said that she needed to help with the fete and offered to find someone to sit with DD2, but when DD2 said she'd be ok (which she always will) she left her to it. I went and found her tutor (who was with DD3) and told him what was happening and he was really cross. He radioed the deputy head to get DD2's propranolol (she was on the verge of a panic attack) and then arranged for one of her preferred staff to be with her. I made it clear that it doesn't feel good when you arrive at a school and find your child in tears.

@Lougle poor DD2. After all this time, it is disappointing the TA doesn’t know DD2 well enough to understand what DD2 says doesn’t align with how she feels in that situation.

I hope the LD service and the psychiatrist in particular take on board your complaint.

DS1 had a community nurse visit this morning. I’m not sure why but all of a sudden about 10 mins in DS1 got angry and upset and started shouting ‘go’ at the nurse over and over. He got himself in a state. The nurse left and said we could rearrange, but I’m not sure why DS became so distressed so quicky.

@inthequietofdawn that sounds really difficult - something that was said? A tone of voice? Perhaps it just reminded him of something. It's definitely awkward though, isn't it? I didn't relish having to tell the psychiatrist that DD1 was refusing to join because she didn't trust her. Sometimes there's no way to sweeten the pill!

@Lougle - in that kind of situation, I just tell people DD1 tells the truth as she sees it; she doesn’t really understand the concept of lying, never mind white lies! She doesn’t understand political correctness or wokeness either, and it’s a waste of time anyone trying to explain it to her.

Not great news from the hospital re my mum today. They think she is too weak to have chemo (I am not sure if I updated that they thought it was cancer but treatable) and they are not sure it's a treatable malignancy anyway.
I am in a bit of a state of shock but my brother when I told him sounded like he was about to storm down there and demand they did something. I hope he is not about to do that to be frank.

@drspouse I’m sorry it isn’t good news about your DM.

@Lougle DD1 has that psychiatrist figured out. I’m not sure what it was that trigger DS1 this morning.

@drspouse I'm so sorry. That's such a lot to take in and I've been in the situation where a sibling has been shouting at medical staff because they can't grasp the reality of a situation. Hopefully the staff will be able to help.

Has DS1 calmed, @inthequietofdawn ?

@Lougle DS started to calm once the nurse left and fell asleep not long later. He woke up 1.5hrs later grumpy but not completely dysregulated.

@drspouse sorry it’s not good news for your DM.

DB has thankfully got a grip on things. DD and I will go down tomorrow but DS has school on Monday. He's written her a lovely card. DD loves staying in my mum's attic and my older DN will be coming too as they were very close. I think DD and DN would love to share a room but DD won't want to be without me, DN is an adult and DB is now saying "but I want to be with my daughter" (what he actually means is he doesn't want to stay at my dad's because it's less comfortable).

@drspouse I am sorry to hear that. People do strange things in a state of shock and denial!

Thanks @Lougle @LathkillDale @inthequietofdawn and @TheGoodCat It was so lovely to go on holiday and see wildlife, my favourite the giant squirrel and it babies and a Mum and baby leopard calling each other. We are very lucky DD can cover holidays at the moment though once she finishes university and starts work we may need a different solution, that's a year off or two years off if she does a Masters and we have had lots of lovely holidays so it's fine for a while.

Can understand the escapist thoughts about working, I don't have those, it's holidays I daydream about.

The house and garden do look like a 19 and 20 year old and long haired cat were incharge so we are sorting through that. No rain whilst we were away. We have soaked the lawn and plants and think they should be OK in a few days but also need to clear leaves, tidy up from the silkies and prepare for shed and tree coming down. House is covered in long haired cat fluff which are working my way through, one sink was blocked and one hob ring had a burnt scales attached to . We can sort it easily. Cat also needs grooming which am doing. DS seems to have coped relatively well and DD sent a photo of him ipadding sitting in our garden at the garden table. He did also seem to bond with the cat, and decided our cat who is indoors only should be allowed out with the chickens free ranging. Fortunately the 8kg cat just watched the chickens and just sat by the French doors. DS also carried him in a few times. So he appears to care about the cat. Food drink washing bathing all fine.

DD is just going back to Oxford now. She's off to Austria, China and Paris in the summer break. One thing was interesting in Sri Lankan I met a man who works educating tea workers in health and children and he said in Sri Lanka in COVID the boys often did very badly and came out of education and the girls studied harder so like my two. He had 2 boys though after a delay one had gone back to education but then difficult to get jobs but at least he's qualified. Other still struggling. He said the boys had done gaming and / or just lost all interest.

Sorry it was difficult for DD2 @Lougle and hard to find a solution for DD1.

Sorry about your Mum @drspouse

Sorry DS1 got stressed @inthequietofdawn

I feel sad that DD has to spend her first summer holiday from secondary school visiting and grieving her dying granny.
She was invited to a party this weekend at Scouts (I did say to DH, a bit short notice!) but we are taking the birthday girl to the trampoline park on Friday next week instead so that's worked out well. I was glad DH said "it's more important to see Granny" so I wasn't the bad guy.

DS is talking about Explorers like it's all decided (small yay!) and X in his class is apparently a Young Leader so that's brilliant - if she is in our District they will see each other at camps. I can tell he's a bit worked up but not sure if it's the end of the year, end of term with Scouts, or my mum, but he's talking EVEN FASTER than normal.

I'm glad you have a solution for the party @drspouse . Good news about Explorers.

Today was graduation day for DD2. Sad but such an achievement.

Another college has turned DD1 girl, citing her SEMH needs. They wonder if social care would be better.

Good you have a way round party @drspouse

Congratulations to DD2 @Lougle

We got DS a present from Sri Lanka and he's already started eating it. I've been cleaning upstairs, its OK now, then DH and I did the garden and its already not too bad though will do rest of leaves and more watering tomorrow. We have a date for the shed coming down next Friday which is ideal as we have to clear the shed which won't take long and clear part of lane we don't own but nobody looks after so they can take old shed with asbestos roof not through our garden. Our holiday was very active so it gives us a bit more time. The price has been revised up to £795 plus vat as the guy made an error but that's still fine. DH is organising a music concert tomorrow at church and is currently off in his classic car picking up 2 people for that. DD has gone back. DS is wearing her Oxford Uni polo shirts, she left them for him as he loves them.

Its ok for FE colleges to suggest social care; I am not sure they realise parents have got this far up with an EHC plan; but they are likely to be right at the bottom of the hill with social care, and it’s like starting the battle all over again with Social Services!

@drspouse people behave very strangely around death. Some of it is really baffling. The hospital will be used to the aggressive “do something” response.

Ds looks white as a sheet. I’ve given him paracetamol as dh feels like he has a cold and ds doesn’t report really so we have to guess. Regardless we have been in the garden taking down a shelter in the heat. Everyone is a bit too hot and tired.

I hope it's just a cold @Wellzizizbetter . It's so hard when they don't communicate well.

DD1 is communicating everything today, so it's hard to know what's significant. She's saying that she feels dizzy and sick, and that her vision is going blurry. The trouble is that she gets anxious about it so she's feeling even worse.

Sad but actually also quite fun day today. Half of it at the hospital where my mum is just asleep a lot of the time and can't really talk otherwise. Half of it doing holiday type things with my brother/niece/dad.

@drspouse - ITA with @Wellzizizbetter. I was at the hospital with DS and DD2 to visit MIL. The consultant geriatrician called me in to say basically, that MIL was going to die of kidney failure - did the family want her to die in hospital, or at home? He also said that some families demand that the hospital do everything possible medically for their loved one, even when it was obvious they were dying!

I told him, it wasn’t my decision; it was up to DH and his sister, as her children and blood relatives, which I wasn’t.