Seriously distressed child- what to do

[SanctiMoanyArse]

OK a conundrum need advice

Desperately unhappy ds1

Fir4st appt with eating disorder team today, went to pick him up after lunch, nopt where he should be

Eventually found him holed up with TA in a stairwell, serioous bollcoking in poursuit. Struggle to get to bottom of it (as running very late by now) but it comes down to ds hit another kids with a stick; ds 1 crying, TA saying 'I know you are crying as you feel bad'; ds1 saying 'No, I should have hit them harrder'

Story seems to go that two kids at lunch making comments, ds1 pulled ace, kids took offence and got mothy, ds1 hit them with a stick (don't know where from)

Kept ds1 off after appt as they were watching a aply and frankly thought it best

Now story has emerged several hours later that these kids were bullying him with him slammed up against wall by collar and scaring him / hurting him

He is so distressed- really hysterrical

But he has done it before and it's lies / situation toally misunderstood due to lack of social awareness (always ahrd to tell)

he is in playrrom atm as I asked calming down quietly

School if I go in will say ds1 making it up

LEA funding 1-1 for lunchtimes from next term

What to do?

Oh shit just found strangle bruises on his neck

i know it might be stressful for your ds but can you take photos of the bruises now, and possibly even get him to go to hospital to get these bruises on record?? he didnt do them himself so once you find out more having that evidence of what happened could be crucial??

sorry you and your ds are going through this afraid i have no advice, wish i did but thinking of you xxx

could this help

N.S.P.C.C. Child Protection Helpline ? 24-hour Helpline For People Worried About A Child
0808 800 5000

or could you chat to senco etc
does he use sign language could he sign some of problems?

not sure what sn he has so can't think who else but there must be ways to get this understood even children who can not talk can express signs of abuse so they can be dealt with.

Photo's good yes

LM ds1 is fully verbal (AS) but has a lot of understanding gaps iykwim. So no signs but blimey it's hard piecing togetehr what goes on at trimes.

Hospital a no no (had a drink; in fairnes only a glass and its a family birthday which is why, not normally on school nights, but woudln't want to drive)

Photograph the damage, write a letter stating that you are keeping him off until they have put appropriate measures in place to enable him to be safe for the remaining two weeks.
Next term, log every incident and times when they don't live up to their word. Then you have evidence if you need it.
Don't complain unless it's an issue, but log everything in writing. get agreements in writing or email, follow up phonecalls with a note or email setting out what was said.
My son was in a fight in the playground when he was 7, middays blamed him entirely and said he was lying. Two days later I had kept the muddy shirt with two different shoeprints on his back, and had photos of the bruising.
I wrote a strong letter, and contacted the inclusion team for the LEA to complain and ask them to intervene because the school was struggling to cope.

could you get him to draw pictures to explain anything? or get toy people get him to demonstrate??

SMA record everything you can as soon as possible and as accurately as possible only facts can be used date and time everything you record

I would also see if anyone else who cares for him e.g. after school care/ respite carers have heard or seen anything else you need to be aware of.

Oh Sancti, how awful. Your poor ds1

Def take photos. Could you maybe take a film of his distress? Even if he doesn't understand the situation, it is real to him, and a record of how he saw it is important. School cannot dismiss as ds1 "making it up", and even if the facts are discovered to be not as he tells/remembers it, it could be good evidence for his need to go to the unit you want at secondary - proof of the extent to which he has no knowledge of social situations.

I hope he calms soon

Nobody esle cares for him, we have another asd child and he's so aggressive that on balance it's better for me to be a carer (plus ds3 mor severe as well)

Am going to see TA tomorrow; we know there are huge issues, that's why we have been awrded 1-1 at lunchtimes- he is aggressive and hitty. But if he's not safe until 1-1 provided, esp. duirng end of term routine changes then he stays home.

sorry no further advice hope all goes well for you and your ds

Sancti... I see your having one of these moments aswell.. Good advice already posted. So I'll just hand hold as we are having a very similar issue today. 2 taster days at secondary went really well.. Get back to primary school and it all hits the fan again.. Resulting in ds2 emotionally overloaded and stating he wishes he could delete himself just for it to stop.
Yes ds2 can get violent, he gets no support in the playground and then can blow up.. Now the school have stopped all his lunch and play breaks for 3 weeks ongoing because they are worried he'll blow again.. Which he wouldn't do if he wasn't bloody bullied.( I know he's being bullied because I saw with my own eyes today one young man doing it to ds).

I'm keeping ds off school tomorrow and were off to the gp.. And then I'm going to blow my top at school.. They have basically internally excluded him without any given length of time and time served has been way more than needed for the last incident.. And have put none of it in writing to me. Plus the have totally failed to meet ds's needs!

Cani suggest you do the same? And I'll hold your hand.

hand holdinga ccepted.

We're in tomorrow too, he usually ahs access to time out at lunchtime but I think with term end sytuff that ahs vanished. From Sept he has an allocated 1-1.

but he's not going to face this.

DS3 is reallys trugglinga s well: his absences are rocketing and he's awaiting an EEG, don't even know what's triggering it as he is a puzzle.

Can't wait for summer now

Sancti.. I was about to post a thread saying exactly that.. Seriously summer holidays will improve things so much.. I'm half tempted to get gp to sign ds off till summer.. I'll make that judgement call in the morning.
Right now being at the primary school is to the detriment to his mental health!

I have some serious calls to make in the morning.. Agghhhrggggg

DS3 should be OK tomorrow as he's at Noahs Ark 'zoo' near Weston (is that still a Creationist place I wonder?). He doesn't want to go mind.
Not like him at all.

ds1 saw eating disorder team today as well and is now on their scheme so frankly ahs enough to deal with I reckon without random assmeblies and room clearing. Am trying to work out which GP would be more sympathetic.

Arsenci how did it go?

ds1 is in school (I didn;t want him to be, it was his call) but his TA is late (aarrrgggh) so he is sat in reception with the Secretary (whome I adore) and his girlfriend (also awaiting thier shared TA)

The other kids have a rep; one has huge oissues atm (dad did a bunk and Mum hs had to sell home) so I find it hard to feel angry, other kid has perfect life but of those mothers who thinks her son is the root of all sunshine. They (kids) say ds1 attacked first and although that doesn't make sense (if teachers saw ds1 retaliate then the strangle had to come first, right?) and school is going to dig deeper today.

Thanks forr all the advice on here.

Ds2 is off .. Have arranged that he is now part time till summer holidays.. Have been given a list of days that include no structure, lots of noise and lots of people... So we can avoid those..
The school are adiment that ds isn't under sanction but, and here's the thing..( which I did have to poke about to get them to say).. He cant go out to play with his peer group as issues of concern have been raised.. Although quickly added when I said about supporting him during break and his funding etc.. It was concern for his saftey rather than others as since the last incident he hasn't been arresive at all...
I'm a bit hacked off tbh .. But there is a week and a bit to go and he'll only be part time and only on days that he can cope... Then he leaves the school.

Moore importantly ds has calmed down ( cried from yesterday evening till 7 this morning) .. And he even has started speaking again.

Aw Arsenic, if I were clloser I'd brting you some chocolate

Can you try to get teh school to put their concerns in writing? It sounds as if he needs some more input and that might help. technically, we're supposed to refure to take our kids out of school without a written request from head so it goes via right channels but tbh my son's safety comes before any matters of admin.

DS1 was lucky to have a good day today although - ahem- ds2 says he didn't actually he (ds2) just couldn't dfind a etacher totell; thabnk goodness for the weekend and extension of funding after Sept!

Mind thery've used his funding apaprenlty to provide a permanent time out zone so if tehy think it's OK for him to be kept in there very breaktime- er no. the funding is supposed to allow for him to integrate safely.

Sancti.. Your ds had to have been strangled first.. Glad he wanted to go in.. Grrrrrrrrr for you though!

Tbh I think the amount of time ds is actually going to be in school before the holidays there seems little point.. Although I could very much use that in writing.. I'll twist a few arms on Monday I think..

Agree thank the stars for the weekend.. I believe we need a looking forward to the holidays count down thread.. I'm sure we can be the only ones who actually look forward to our dc's being at home and safe in all areas.

I deffinately think we should get together and let our dc's be around people who are for them to just be themselves..

( think I might be on you FB my initials are VS and I am not looking at the camera oh and there is a black and White photo of ds2 grinning in my photos lol)

OoOh ACC I will look at my facebook LOL; its arrandom mix opf MN-ers and real lilfe people .... never quite sure who is who pmsl

Now I shall know someone- yay

I'm shattered today .. It was a long wedding shoot yesterday.. Dh is picking up ds2 and dropping off ds1 with their dad later so I can start sorting the photos out.. Before ds2 gets back here! ( ds1 went on the shoot with me and was fab!)

I seem to be distracted my MN and Fb though and yes nice to 'know' an MNer and put a face to the name !

Well I do know who youa re now LOL- lucky you able to have a side photo BTW, my nose far too alrge PMSL

side is good.. I look like a monkey from the front!