just had an initiation of sorts

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

was on bus with DD, without buggy. DD was MILDLY grumpy because her daddy had put her on bus then left,but not very noisy. First of all i struggled a lot to fold seat down while holding DD to stop her falling. The man next to us ignorred us helpfully. He always mutters when DD is singing/humming etc on bus. He is going to work in a suit with briefcase and looks like a boss type.
Anyway he said 'shut up child'. DD clearly has SN. I was upset and said 'some people are rude DD. What a rude man' (who tells a 3 yr old to shutup fgs).
He got up to get off. I said to dd so others could hear 'he doesnt know you are autistic and can't help making a noise' ,which i wish i hadn't said but i was upset.↲then i cried on bus while people ignored me,embarrassed.
Was such an achievement to get bus but now will walk with buggy as so embarrassed. Couldn't have happened at worse time.am very low at the moment.

and i say an initiation as i know it happens to us all at some point. My mum said i 'was acting like a child' because it upset me

I would have been upset too and probably would have made a similar remark to the man. It is perfectly understandable that you were upset. People with children like ours are emotionally vulnerable a lot of the time (maybe most actually).

Oh Fanjo, it is not your fault. We are very sensitive to the way the world perceives our children and our parenting.

I frequently have that feeling in the mornings when I drop DS off and he won't go into class and instead of doing it the way I know it needs to be done, I will feel pressured by the judgments I can feel from teachers etc 'she can't make her child do what she wants him to...it's not autism it's bad behaviour'.

But you stood your ground and pointed the truth out to him. You shouldn't be embarrassed.

People are grumpy in the morning for a whole host of reasons and this man was rude irrespective of your DD's autism. Serves him right to be told.

this man is always muttering at us,i just didn't know why until now.

Nobody likes to be judged, and it is much much worse when you are helpless to do anything about what it is that is being judged.

Walk by all means sometimes, but don't stop getting the bus. When you feel stronger again, or happy do it. Tell the man that she has a disability but that he has no such excuse for his behaviour, and if he doesn't like it, HE can frigging walk. You can do it. You will do it. You'll get stronger and these things won't bother you so much.

Not saying you should have to mind, or that you shouldn't have felt utterly mortified and miserable, but this is life for the moment, you and your lovely dd against the world (with all of us in your pocket) and they might not have made themselves known, but I'm certain there were others on your bus on your side. That man doesn't represent 'the bus'!

i actually think he might be a consultant doctor,it is the bus to the hospital and he was listening to a dictaphone, scary!

Prolly why he wants your child to shut up then, if he's working.

LOL, Silly man. Tell him to get up earlier and do his work in his office instead of expecting public transport to be silent. - Idiot. Hope his specialism is warty bottoms!

In fact, next time you get the bus, imagine that that is in fact his specialism. It might make it easier.

yes,but it's a bus not a library,as i should have said!

Hope you feel a bit better. It isn't a big thing really. It was horrible, but he's just a man, - and a rude ignorant one at that. Not someone that matters at all!

Am feeling better, although very at overreacting in front of everyone on bus.

Was cheered up when I collected DD though, I could hear the nursery teacher saying "Now DD. it's time to say bye bye"..she got all the children to say "bye bye" to DD, then she said "now, DD, we are going to take you to your mummy"...then she nominated two children to bring DD to me with her, and said "now, DD, Child A and Child B are going to take you to your mummy"..and out she came with two little girls holding her hands.

They couldn't be nicer.

Then she walked nicely to the bus stop holding my hand, sat for 15 minutes quietly waiting for bus and cuddled me all the way home.

So feeling better.

Also DD has better disability awareness than the man already, she saw someone in a wheelchair and pointed to it and said "wheelchair"..as far as I know she has only seen the symbol on the bus.

and just got a call offering DD music and hydrotherapy so not such a bad day after all I suppose!

i don't think you over-reacted at all. what a dreadful man. i'm sure lots of people on the bus were angry on your behalf, but didn't want to intrude when you were upset. i bet next time you get on the bus, you'll get lots of supportive smiles. you would if i was on the bus anyway.

i'd have been tempted to act like a violent child if someone had said that to my ds

One or two of those people might have had a little think about how unsupported you were today and may be prepared to give you a bit of backing next time, even if it's just offering you a seat next to them or giving you a welcoming smile.

I would give the bus another try if you can even if it's just to be able to stick two metaphorical fingers up at this guy by showing him that he hasn't won.

Thanks. Unfortunately I don't think anyone heard what he said, he was right next to me and said it so only I could hear..maybe they will imagine it was something even ruder from my reaction though.

Might just take the other bus, was already feeling self-conscious about her being noisy and this has just confirmed that I was right to be.

No! Sorry Fanjo but you were not right to be self-conscious. You and your DD have every right to be on the bus which suit you best.

If it meets your and her needs better to travel on the other bus for a while then fine. But don't let anyone's stupid, ignorant, selfish, judgmental attitude change what you do. nobody else's opinion matters.

AS you have said yourself, it is a bus, not a library.

It makes me so mad when people are made to feel like second class citizens just because they are a bit different .

Agree with Al1son. Take us in your pocket. Pretend you are an undercover reporter empoyed to find out the dirt on this guy. Every day you see him, come on here and we'll giggle at what he did next, or what he was wearing or something. It will help you dehumanise him and not take it so personally.

And do continue to tell us about how fab your dd is wrt her social awareness that this guy is clearly lacking.

Thanks I will maybe get the other bus because I honestly found it hard to get DD onto the other one when it was crowded..but if I am at the bus stop and it comes along and is not full, I will get on, even if that twuntman is on it.

yes I thought about saying "pardon, are you telling my 3 year old disabled child to shut up?" REALLY loudly so everyone heard.

Look at him and say loudly oh I thought people with attitudes like that are still stuck in the last centruay or a oh see dd they let everyone can live in community no matter what problems they have

"pardon, are you telling my 3 year old disabled child to shut up?"

Fanjo I think that is definitely what you should do! I'm not one for aggression and confrontations, but I think it's totally the right thing to be upfront and adults should have to account for their bad behaviour. I haven't actually had to say anything to anyone yet, but one day I know I will.

got bus today but the twunty man was not there-maybe i scared him off!