That crushing sadness is back

[asdx2]

and I don't know why
Anyone else get this periodically? Sometimes I can spot the trigger and then other times it just creeps up on me.
It's not like there's been a recent dx and life is pretty smooth at the mo (well as smooth as you get with two with autism) just feel sad and no energy to shake it off either.
Maybe I'm being maudlin I don't know. Let me know I'm not the only one though won't you.

def not the only one.

and i only have one. he has renal failure and PUV,with added extras. somedays when i think about everything that needs doing or all the paper work that needs sorting. i just feel really sad and tired, as it brings home that ds and our lives are not like everyone elses.

just wanted to send hugs, tell you your not alone and that i hope you feel better soon.

You're not the only one. I think you get used to life being a struggle in so many ways so you can fail to see what an effect it is having on you.

We went to see friends at the weekend and went to a castle on a cliff and DS2 (NT and a normal bouncy 4 year old) was being his usual self but I just couldn't deal with him just not listening to anything I say - calm down, hold my hand, don't run up the steps, that I ended up in tears over nothing really.

Within half an hour, DS1 and I were sitting in the castle with him screaming because things hadn't gone right and he wanted the world to go backwards and start again - wasn't sure how I could achieve that one . I had to send everyone else down the steps while I sat and hugged him until he'd finished crying or trying to climb up the side of a grassy bank 'to kill himself because the world's gone wrong'.

Now he's in school after considerable effort this morning and he'll be fine back in school routine. I just feel like going to bed and crying all morning!

Do you think it's back to school blues???

you're not the only one

I'm back to crying, running through 'he'll never ...' lists, terrible IBS symptoms, not sleeping, classic anxiety (sick, dizzy, pins & needles) all the time.

I suspect it's because he's now closer to his next birthday than his last & I find birthdays really hard. And I'm back to running battle with the SALT, I could really do without that.

I've never been prone to depression, but yes, I have those times when I just seem to wallow in self pity and worry for the boys.

Definitely no back to school blues for me, though. Last week was so difficult with the pair of them that I've genuinely enjoyed the morning to myself. I've even started on a pair of fabulous hot pink lacy socks for myself - DS2 hasn't been letting me knit, which has really been frustrating me.

No your not the only one and I'm one of lifes naturally irratatingly ''up'' people

Have had a few perios of despaire recently as now have 2 dc officaly sen

Thanks for starting this thread asdx2. I am feeling exactly the same at the moment -a few days away brought home to me just how much support dd1 needs.

I wish I could just cry and bawl, but for some bizarre reason the tears won't come.

I have no advice,sorry, but just wanted to let you know you are not on your own.

sibling... I think that numbness is the worst isn't it? If you could have a good blub, at least you'd feel better.

That's just how I feel, debs. There's so much I want to 'cry out'. It's crap, isn't it?

I think you have to watch it when you get numb as it can lead to depression. I am really conscious of how easy it is to lose the enjoyment in things and just feel stress, stress, stress, and when I'm feeling numb like this, I know it's time to readjust - usually by having a rant or doing something productive!

Sending you hugs.

I have times like this too, i have days where i cry all day and other days where things seem almost normal.

Dd1 has been a nightmare for a couple days so i was pleased to get her back to school even though dd1 was anxious about swimming. Dd2 went back to nursery, she was happy but i miss her when she's there.

No you are not alone.

I have been very down this past week.
When I got official dx for my ds I was dancing around the room - I was so happy it was finally recognised, but three months on it's starting to sink in and I am very sad.

Try and give yourself a treat and be kind to yourself for a while. x

Same here,the past 2 weeks have been good,so must be due for some 'down time'.Mine is usually triggered by an appt,then my mind goes off on'will she ever speak,walk','will we still be no further in 12 mths time again','will the paed neuro give us some answers',etc,etc,etc.You know it's coming but theres FA you can do about it,which pisses me off,I try & pick myself up,but it's hard.
So asdx2,you are not alone!!!

Chickenaresafe

Know our dc are similar ds does have dx of cp but has still kept the hypermoblity but neuro thrown something else in works EDs were currently wIring see genectist but thought of u and dd

Another on saying your not alone.

Most of the time we just plough on through life dealing with this and that.
And then you stop for a few minutes and then you think.

Agree that you need to go careful of the numbness..
I am a happy person.. And pretty outgoing and a bit silly.. The nearest I ever got to depression was linked with numbness. ( that's when I push the running or other exhausting sport.)

Another one here. I'm an upbeat happy person on the surface but I've perfected a positive and happy front, whilst secretly crying (a lot) and worrying for Britain. I don't think even DH knows how low I get about it all.

Hugs
x

Right ArsenicCC - you've got me going off to the gym now at this ungodly hour. Kids are screaming. I've got an appointment for DS1 which I need to attend without DS2 on Thurs so I've just arranged childcare which has set him off in screams.

Bloody DH doesn't come back from work until 7 every night and then the kids won't settle so I've only just freed myself from them.

Blardy sick of it all I am. To think I was supposed to be submitting a PhD by now as well.

Debs .. Good for you.. Run as hard as you can.. Works wonders.. Oh and eat bananas.. They help with happy chemicals
not at the same time as running.. Cos you may choke..

Sending you hugs!

You are not alone - Some days are better than others. Some days I feel that I can take on the world and win, other days I just want to crawl under the duvet and stay there.

The black days usually follow after a professional appointment; sometimes I have driven home with DD, with me in floods of tears, trying to hide them from DD.

Sometimes I can put on my make-up and smile sweetly at the other Mums at the school gates, with their "Oh so perfect blardy children" other days, I just can't face them, so wait until the last minute to get DD into school to avoid them all.

But most days I say "To hell with all the so-called professionals and all the perfect yummy mummies at the school gates! [Sticking two fingers up at the world smiley]"

I have a tribunal to prepare for and have been doing so since dx. When that is gone, I'll probably fally apart!

I like the "Sticking two fingers up at the world smiley" - we should get badges ....or stickers to put on the foreheads of people who have wronged us

Star I understand. You won't know the stress you have been under until you stop and you get a bit of normality back. It'll be like the end of revision and you'll feel strangely bereft..er not

MT - I know what you mean and don't you get tired of being treated like a non-person. DS1 shouts and screams for things sometimes and won't wait and gets worked up and I try not to take it personally but at 7 he is often much worse than my 4 year old. When both of them start, I know I'm in trouble.[throws self on pavement sobbing smiley]

Trouble is DS2 now copies DS1 so we get shitty behaviour and stupid demands from both. DS1 cries about going back to school. That starts DS2 off about nursery. DH has fucked off left early for work and so there's me in my jammies trying to soak up all the stress and get everyone back on track. Then I meet the school mummies and I smile and waive and exchange platitudes with DS 1 under my coat and DS 2 still sobbing about nursery. Then DS1 hides under the table as he doesn't want to go into class and DS2 joins him.

Then, alone, in front of staff, I have to pick up all the pencils they've knocked over and coax the little sods ones out and encourage them to rejoin the normal world

After two drop offs, I sit here at my computer and I'm supposed to think great thoughts before setting off to pick up the stressed out beauties at 3. Fat chance.

Thank God for you lovelies to unload all this on ASDX2 what have you started.

Arsenic - feel better after my work out!!

I get more anxious than sad, even when things are going ok I can't relax, I'm on alert for the next crisis. I do get the sad too, but I can snap myself out of that easier. I find if I stop worrying or looking out for shit then thats when something happens, although I suppose it just seems that way. Ok, now I'm quite sad.

I'm with you. The "admin" gets me down - appointments, never getting to the bottom of things, waiting lists and having to put stuff in writing all the time.

Also NT kids being so perfect (never thought I'd turn out to be such an evil envious person).

Even seeing my NT youngest hit the milestones bang on time is bittersweet as it just underlines how far DS is from NT.

but mainly I'm lonely - i don't know anyone in RL with SN kids.

Having to go over the same background crap at every appointment gets me down - do we really have to go over the early years stuff again??? He's 10!

Sorry you're lonely mummysaurus, since my ds started at a special school I've been happier because I've met other parents who understand.

mummysaurus, I go through the same when I see my NT youngest hitting her milestones. In some areas, she is starting to overtake her older sister and it makes me so sad.

I have the joys of admin tomorrow -chasing up OT and starting the dreaded DLA renewal form.

I am with you, Debs -so pleased asdx2 started this thread.