That crushing sadness is back

[asdx2]

and I don't know why
Anyone else get this periodically? Sometimes I can spot the trigger and then other times it just creeps up on me.
It's not like there's been a recent dx and life is pretty smooth at the mo (well as smooth as you get with two with autism) just feel sad and no energy to shake it off either.
Maybe I'm being maudlin I don't know. Let me know I'm not the only one though won't you.

Thanks MrsYamada

I do have a plan:

I know there will be 10 kids with a statment at the primary school ds will attend so I'm going to ask the SENCo there to see if one of them will be my mentor and maybe hook me with up the SN slummy yummy mummy clique

That's a good plan , I'm sure that would be appreciated by many a SN yummy mummy!

am relating here,dd asd dx is 1 week old, and initial euphoria is wearing off. also ds asd dx is due in 4 weeks. no surprises, except I didn't think I would react like this. feeling sad and numb. dd is 4, and starting to get frustrated with problems communicating. words can't capture the look on her face as she starts to realise she doesn't understand what's going on.

Terrible thing depression particularly when you don't know why. Expressions like 'I know how you feel' are unhelpful and infuriating. Theories vary. Maybe it's biochemical so boost my serotonin, Maybe it's hormonal so give me some hormones or maybe I am just so pissed off with having to deal with all this crap all the time so solve it for me and give me someone sensible and intuitive to talk to! Yes but who? and how long will I have to wait? So what to do? well your GP could prescribe antidepressants (yes but I don't want to take them). Never understood that one.If I were Dx Diabetic I wouldn't hesitate to take the meds. If its hormonal the Dr was probably a man but checking out bloods can often help. Some primary care counsellors are pretty good and you get to see them quicker. Wellbeing is a very important subject for mums and dad's what might you do for yourself IAPT maybe. I can already feel the tongue lashing I am about to get from some mums but I have had a look at the materials and although they are def DIY they are not bad. Maybe through your contacts you could get someone to help you with it. Bit like a mini self help group. I'm a geezer so can't send hugs but how about a hearty hand shake. Best wishes

I am feeling low too, and I can't shake it. For me it was half-term, the weather getting nicer which brings with it a pressure to get out and about. I can't do that with three with autism, one of whom is given to violent outbursts, the other is incontinent (it is getting increasingly difficult to find somewhere private to change his nappy other than a dirty toilet floor).
Plus I have statement reviews and dla renewals so that makes me think about the differences between my boys and nt's.
I have been feeling sick, anxious, dizzy and sweaty. Today all my joints are hurting. I have a constant headache.
Everything feels like another task, I am exhausted. And for some stupid reason, I feel guilty because I can't cope....

I'm glad I started this thread, don't feel better by a long chalk but it's a comfort to know I'm not alone.
Dd goes back to school today and have to say I'm relieved it's been a long week.
Ds was at school yesterday, came home stressed out and has been awake most of the night.
Taking today as a day off from the much needed housework and going to try and relax I think.
Ds's Annual Review tomorrow....oh the joy

Asdx2, sounds like a good idea to have a day off -you will nedd to recharge your batteries.

DD1 was also back at school yesterday and was still awake at 10.30 - then woke this morning in a foul mood. Her sensory issues are worse ;she has had 3 different pairs of socks on cos none feel 'right', her cardigan feels different, her t shirt is too tight, dd2 is too noisy (I can only agree with her there!)

This thread has made me realise how much we are all struggling at times, without support.

Hope everyone has a good day x

You're not the only one for sure. It definitely comes and goes for me but i'm a bit prone to depression anyway so I have to work double hard to stay positive and focused. But there are times, not often, but they are there, when it hurts to breathe, it just takes your breath away. The sadness and worry can be a bit overwhelming at times but one smile from my daughter usually helps chip away at the wee demons ;)

Debs .. Glad the work out made you feel better.

Although there isn't huge amounts that can help family feeling stressed.. It is so important that this is tackled.. Well being of parents is so important to our dc's.

We need to look after ourselves so that we may always try and achieve being our best whilst our dc's are at their worst ( or really need us to fight for them).

It is also far too easy to forget our needs amongst everything that is going on.

bobbyla You facinate me. Is it because, as I've just found out, you are indeed a bloke? I can't figure it out.

Your post on this threads sounds intersting but I can't quite work out what you are saying. Could you expand, and add paragraphs please? It could be useful.

Hi hope you are feeling a little better? I posted a message to you but it seems to have disappeared. I am new to the site, did I do something wrong? or did you find it unhelpful and there is a way of removing it? Would appreciate some feedback from you. Kind regards

Star, I really hope I'm reading him wrong, but I think bobbyla is trying to imply that depression is something you can will yourself out of by pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, so to speak. He also seems to have a rather poor grasp of the difference between situational and chemical depression, because no little pills are going to "cure" that horrible, gut wrenching, choked up feeling that stems from genuine worries about our children and their futures.

I think he needs to read his DIY kit a little more closely, perhaps?

Okay bobbyla feedback.

You're an interesting character indeed, and you sound like you may have some useful knowledge to impart.

A couple of issues are however:

a) You don't appear to read threads, only the first post, which makes your contributes a little out of context when they appear.

b) You don't break up your text, so it is very hard to understand what you are saying

c) You appear to do more talking than reading, which again, makes your contributions appear a little odd, but also not really connected to the general gist of a thread.

d) You seem to be unaware of the level of expertise on this board. Not for one second saying that anyone knows it all but most of the debates on here aren't about solutions, but the intricate details of understanding and adapting, not to accept, but to empower and demand. Most of us have situations where there just are no solutions, and to accept that there are will be to do our children a disservice and stop questioning and challenging.

So, it would be nice to see you engage in debate, rather than parachuting in with your out of context solutions and then parachuting out. I expect you probably have a lot to contribute and I for one am very interested in your perspective, but this is mine. Hope you don't mind.

Point taken. I am indeed a bloke but a wrinkly old tired one. Paragraphs it is!

Sorry I was trying to take the p... out of the system. Many people have to learn how to manage their depression, sometimes it's from within and we don't understand why we feel so awful. Sometimes it's situational but we have little to no control over it. Other times it's a combination of both but there are ways to help that would involve understanding and compassion. I appreciate your comments. Kind regards

You see I wouldn't even say I was depressed tbh quite probably tired,(15 years without sleep takes its toll every now and again) overwhelmed (two annual reviews in the last month both dealing with transition) and anxious for the future (no support as SS say ds doesn't qualify even though the paed states he won't ever be independent) and sad because I see the gap between him and his peers growing daily.
I cope day on day and week on week with my head down like most parents with SN children do. Sometimes the grind gets me down but I have no choice but to carry on and no prospect of an end in sight and so I post on boards like this because I know I will be met with understanding and empathy and it's a comfort knowing I am not alone because much of time it's a bloody lonely path I'm travelling

Just wanted to add, I feel the same way sometimes. Like today for instance. Went round to the neighbours to drop off a parcel that the postie left with me while they were out.

They invited me in and I saw their 8 week old son who has more muscle tone and body/ head control than my 8.5 month old. Came home and had a good cry.(Ds has brain conditons called ACC and ventriculomegally, I'm too tired to explain all the ins and outs of it tonight).

I'm fine for ages and can keep telling myself that we're doing fine- DS has just learnt to roll onto one side and
we're so proud of him, but seeing other babies brings it all home.

Sorry for the waffle, this was a long winded attempt to say that it happens to me too

I also feel the crushing sadness at the moment.

I did a long post ( I'm afraid I always do.. dh always saying to me less is more - but I've never got the hang of that! ) on the thread where the OP was writing an essay and wanted 'experiences of being a parent of a child with sn.' That thread was full of different experiences and many reasons why all of us might feel such sadness from time to time. ( OP may have been scared off.. hasn't returned since request! )

I felt better having got some stuff down about what my experiences have been and always feel better for doing just that.. Knowing that other people on here will know exactly what I mean.

You are definitely not alone ASDx2.. and I agree that sometimes it's not clear what the trigger is and perhaps it doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense at that particular time.. I think of it as a wave of grief that I know will pass but whilst it's here it's unbearable.. It's hard to share that with RL friends who are not in that situation. Sometimes it's RL friends and their healthy kids that make things so hard!

Currently going through statementing process and LEA refusing to commit to hours of 1-1 supervision so going into battle there and just been refused mobility part of DLA so facing appeal for that.. that stress doesn't help..

And OMG ASDx2 - 15 years of no sleep.. We've just had 4 years and I can't cope at all!! How have you survived!

I agree as well about the feeling numb.. but it's so hard to process emotions about our lives when you are constantly on duty.. working so hard to survive and get the best possible situation regarding our kids..I almost feel I have to schedule in working through my emotions..

I do have a song that I often put on after I drop dd2 at nursery if I know I'm at breaking point. It's my trigger to put me in touch with stuff and the intro almost has me doubling over with emotion.. and I have a massive cry. I eventually stop and have a coffee and then get on with the washing or form filling or phone calls or whatever.. It feels strange when I do the nursery pick up and all the yummy mummies are talking about holidays/ kids funny stories.. etc It's very isolating.

Without a regular cry I feel I'd lose it completely.. I do try and have a bit of counselling here and there to help access stuff I just can't on my own and that has helped lots..( Been very lucky with a good GP counsellor and voluntary sector locally pretty good..)

Hang in there all who feel pretty shit at the moment.. Treat yourselves kindly..

hiya, had not quite thought of it that way but I have just discovered what a thread is. I have indeed been responding to individual people and not reading the whole thread.

I guess I have a problem with the technology, I have never been a member of a forum before but I hope I get there. More practice needed I think!

Bit concerned about the amount of valium you are taking though as benzodiazapines tend to be addictive and less effective over time.

There I go again, maybe I should just shut me gob and listen to you. Maybe a blokey thing. You know somethings bust so I guess I should fix it rather than try and understand how you are feeling. Thanks for your guidance!

Oh no,here it comes again,although more anger this time.
Had dd2's review at pre-school yesterday,they feel they cannot accept her for 5 mornings aweek in Sept(more children),so she will have to stay with the younger ones(less children),which is only 3 afternoons a week
Panel sit on 23rd for her statement,but pre-school is full to capacity for mornings in Sept & cannot risk her not getting a full statement.
So just because of my dd2's disability she has to put up with less pre-school & it is sooo good for her & helping her.I am not angry at pre-school,as I understand their position,just very angry at dd2's disability & realise how it will hold her back,when she should be able to access everything she needs.
What if her statement comes back with a minimum amount of hours,that will set the standard for primary school & she will definetly suffer.
F . U . C . K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!