I can't cope in the holidays and I'm facing a week at home.

[colditz]

My house gets demolished unless I'm in the same room as the children at all times.
I'm sitting here sobbing because I went upstairs to clean the toilet and when I came down Ds1 had kicked my clean folded clothes all over the floor. He had just gone through them.
One of them knocked the bathroom bin over and there were pull ups all over the floor, just left there.

On any given hour of any given day, ds1 has scattered tiny pieces of paper all over everywhere.

I can't keep UP! And it's making me so, so unhappy. my washer's on it'[s last legs - life would be easier if I didn't have to spin everything after I washed it. The pots get left for days because evry time I leave the room at home something happens - a fight breaks out and ds2 ends up with a nose bleed, or they start sliding things down the bannisters - I bought them the iCoaster last week to try to give them something to touch but while they love it, it causes more fights that it's worth.

I'm so, so disorganised, there's piles of stuff everywhere, just 'stuff'. i'm missing appointments, Ds1's psych nurse is going on about ADHD Solutions but tbh I can't ever seem to get round to ringing them and I just don't feel able to add any more 'people' into our apointment list. "School" things go home with their dad, more often than not, and I nevr see them again so I miss sports days, assemblies, Ds1 of course doesn't tell me about any of this, he assumes I know. he doesn't understand that I don't know until I am told.

Last week we saw The occupational therapist, psychiatric nurse, Autism outreach and I had to fill in a supporting statement for Ds1's school and I had to do a 24 hour shift at work and then I come home to an absolute shit tip this morning and I burst into tears.
In the evenings, it takes an hour to put them both to bed, each trip to the toilet needs to be supervised, there aren't enough places to put everything so it's out of reach, I've just fitted a padlock bar to the kitchen door and a timer onto the comptuer and it makes my house look like it's been adapted to contain chimps.

It's dirty, unkempt, falling to pieces and untidy,cluttered, cramped and I cannot ever seem to find enough hours in the day to make even one room really nice and so I hide on here while they trash the house around me.

I have forgotten the concept of 'day off' - you know, when you were 19 and you got two 'dAYS OFF' work in which you did things that you wanted to do. My life revolves around other people, and I am gradually losing the will to carry on because it seems insurmountable.

I actually, right now, want to go back to work where I have a reasonable boss and my workload is managable, which my life doesn't seem to be. I have to be twice as alert, go twice as fast, for twice as long - at home. I am losing my ability to be assertive, I am losing

for anyone who doesn't know me, I'm a single muma and have a 7 year old with ADHD and Aspergers/ASD and a NT 4 year old. I work as a support worker.

Please someone tell me what you do. tell me how you stay afloat ... because I'm sinking under piles of dirty crap, bits of paper, pots, washing and 'things'

God that was a right self pitying whine

And I KNOW that with his ADHD he needs as clutter free a space as possible but it's almost impossible to declutter my tiny house and actually impossible to keep it that way.

How can you keep a bedroom 'clutter free' when he shares it with a four year old and all their toys? I just don't have time in the mornings to tidy a bedroom, I probably should get up earlier to do it but as soon as I put everything away, everything is out again. He looks for things by upending boxes. ALL the boxes. He seeks out ways to make mess

No, it sounded just like my life and I don't work!!
I stay in, in the hols also as I can't manage my kids outdoors (or indoors for that matter).
I just wait until the weeks over and spend until the next school hols to catch up. Doing what I can when I can in the hols. I can also guarantee no school uniform will be ready for going back lol.
I also have facebook to keep my sanity .
HTH, take care x

Oh mate. Not self-pitying at all. I know I feel the same at times and I only have one child! If money's no issue, I'd suggest a cleaner to help with the immediate problem, but otherwise, what about Social Services involvement? may be able to sort a couple of hours of respite. I get 6 in the holidays (2 x 3) and it just provides some breathing space so I can get stuff done and not feel like I'm behind all the time.

First thing is first vent vent and vent some more It is a good thing.

And now let's see how we can help.
Mess.. Do you have room under you bed or in your room for stackable storage boxes?

I'm going along the lines of putting a high bolt on the outside of your bedroom door.. And basically removing 90% of the dc's things in to storage boxes that you can get out to be played with.. One at a time but your in charge.

Same with paper work and files etc box the bloody stuff and go through as you can one box at a time.

Same with clothes. Limit what the dc's can get hold of in one go.

We had to do this because of ds2 .. It really helps .. As they get better/ older put more things out.

Are there any friends or family about to help you out or will ex have the dc's so you can have a break and organise the house?

I'll keep my thinking cap on and I'm sure others will be about as well

Well I am in much the same situation with regard chaos being created faster than I can clean it up! I have been very ill and have limited energy so have also cried at the speed with which my hard won cleaning can be destroyed. Ds is 10 with LD ADHD and autism and the impulsive hyperactive ( never being able to rest or wait) with autism combo is so hard on the fixtures and fittings never mind family!!
I have no solutions but I am hoping that a new lockable plastic outdoor cuboard will help stop the midnight toy tipping. I am trying to make his room emptier so we all get more sleep, and the messes are smaller. Life has got easier to since ds got into his nintendo ds - it allows him to sit being busy.
Also I asked SS to do a carers assessment and we are now getting DPs ( not a lot but every little helps). This is strickly only for child care ( when house care might be more helpful as I am unwell) but helps because when carer is with ds (especially if he is out the house I can attempt to catch up on the chores. I really got very down about the mess but my DP carer is multitalented and also helps tidy ds toys which is a good start. We are not getting overnight respit once a month. It is not a lot but it helps!
Ask them!
((HUG)) and quiet cup of tea

On a bad day use paper plates then throw away cuts down washing up.and the other I'm afraid is be ruthless about the crap easier said than done iknow am trying to. Declutter some today myself .and yep holidays make me want to scream especially combined withbad weather and no money

High bolts don't work with Ds1. I don't know how he does it, but he can always do it.

I have just fitted a padlock latch to the kitchen door which I am hoping will keep him safe if not tidy - and I'm about to start on my kitchen....

Regarding school letters.. You could pop some SAEs into the office and ask for all letters to be posted to you.. That way you will get them..

ds2 was away on a residential trip this week and it made me feel guilty because life was so much easier even though I had the other two dc's still here.
He is now back and the air in the house has changed.. Although were all glad that he is home.. The tiring has started again.

( passes big wedge of cake)

Would he respond to a traffic light sticker system.. Red don't touch, yellow ask, and green is free. ?

( I'm clutching at straws here lol)

I hate the school holidays as well. I am more or less stuck indoors as we have no garden (live in a flat), DS2 is a bolter/runner/escape artist and Ds3 is still in a pram so going anywhere is like a military operation if I have nobody else to come with me. He has respite on Wednesday, so I at least get 6 hours peace from him and we can do "normal" family things without the worry.

Have you had a CAF done for any help Colditz? Certainly sounds like you could do with a little extra support.

I don't want respite. I send them to their dads for two nights a week while I work 9and visit my boyfriend)

I'm making a big fat baby fuss when I have very little to whine about.

It's just ..... I work in someone's house. It's huge, well designed, clean, tidy and practically empty - then I pick up my children, have to walk them through town at 9am on market day and walk into my tiny gross little dive.

i got a Bit Silly

Sorry

traffic light system is great but I do oftenhave to physically remove things as 'put it down' is apparently a phrase he doesn't understand

Don't apologise! It's hard work looking after children, let alone working AND looking after children. Hell, I don't work and I find it a struggle, can't imagine how I'd cope if I did.

Your not being silly .. Your feeling and emotional health are key to your dc's.

I think the upshot of this really is to declutter ( which is a pants job) and be a bit OCD about organisation.. At least you'll get back from work to space and tidy even if it only lasts 2 mins.. Then just clear up when the dc's are asleep.

Now mine are older we have a no mess in the lounge rule.. You can have toys down but they get put away.
Luckily for me ds2 is a "rules" boy although this doesn't extend to his shared bedroom.. But ds2 storage is blue and that is what he can empty out.. Not the red storage boxes.

And I still keep clothes in my room.. Or itwould be a nightmare!

TBH i keep dd2 locked in one room, she's only 4 so i can use a stair gate, i feel really guilty for keeping her in one room but i know the sitting room is ASD proof (nothing she can ruin or hurt herself on) it has all her toys in and the TV. Whilst she is shut in i can clean the house, dd1 often plays with dd2 to keep her happy. All piles of clothes are kept up stairs out of the way. I tend to spend 2 hours in the morning sorting out the house and then i try and take them out (even if its just for a drive in the car or a walk to the park), when dd2 is asleep (which rarely happens) i clean the sitting room ready for her to make a mess in the morning.

If dd2 gets out into the kitchen she helps herself to any food she can lay her hands on, empties draws and puts things in the oven (has almost burnt the house down a couple times).

So i would suggest making one room safe for him to be in and try and keep him it there when you sort out things around the house (which may be hard with a 7 year old).

Is there anyone that could help you take the dc's out for the day?

Not self-pitying at all. I'm counting myself lucky that I have DH to share it all with on evenings and weekends.

Some things we do do to make it all a bit easier with DS1 (6, autism/ADHD)and DS2 (autism and unsteadiness arising form hypermobility/hypostonia):

Safety gates - the sort that screw onto the door frame - DS1 can open them, but not DS2.

Kids are kept mostly confined to a relatively child safe livingroom. I can see most of it from the kitchen. I can hear them if I do have to run upstairs.

Kids share a bedroom which is a mostly toy free zone - just a few books and soft toys - all quiet. It's a room for sleeping in and they only play in there when they need to be out of the way of something going on downstairs, or when I need to do something upstairs.

Lots of storage crates for toys and books. Makes for easy cleaning up. There's always more than half of the kids' toys and books stored out of their way in our bedroom. Makes our room a mess, but the rest of the hosue more tolerable.

Walkies! Even if the weather's 'orrid, we get out for some fresh air in the holidays. Improves everyone's mood.

Bribes. Even DS1 will clean up mess if there's something in it for him (and it's broken down into small steps)

Unfortunately my bedroom is the box room, as their room has to have two beds in. I have as much of my stuff as I can fit under my bed, my bed, and my wardrobe in my room. I have about 1m2 of standing space, which I dress in. I have a small chest of drawers at the top of the stairs with my underwear in.

It's difficult to put toys out of their way as ds1 can somehow find things to reach as high as 2 feet from the ceiling which is as high as I can reach. I must find a solution though, maybe drilling holes in some boxes and padlocking them.

My living room is open plan - And ds1 has been able to vault stairgates since he was 2.5... he and his brother also fight and aren't safe to be left alone together unless they are unconcious

Locking boxes would work I think it's more about keeping it copable for the time being.. Things will improve/ change as the dc's get older.

I'll swap you your climbing mess monkey for my spinning dervish today

Stairgates are an enforcible boundary, though, or if it's really impossible, tape off boundary lines on the floor (OK, so my kids would peel these off, but at least it would keep them quiet for 2 minutes ) If I'm in the kitchen and DS1 is being a little git, I make him sit by the kitchen gate. It's a battle of wills, but he gets the message. If he's tearing paper, it's confiscated. If he's throwing his cars, they get confiscated. Always after a warning, though. I feel like the bitch mother form hell, sometimes, but it has to be done to retain some level of sanity for all of us (and safety for DS2).

If space is at a premium, even better than lockable boxes might be a lockable cupboard. And do you have a loft? Might be a good place to "rotate" some toys to. Maybe semi-permanently.

Agreeing with ArsenicCupCake that your goal for the holidays needs to be coping. Maybe picking on a few priorites and trying out techniques to enforce those things.

Once you've survived this week, would it be possible to take advantage of time when the kids are out of the house and you're home to set aside half an hour - 1 hour at a time for decluttering and organising in time for the summer holidays? It might seem daunting at first, but I think you'll feel a lot better and a lot more in control for it.

Sorry if this would be of no help, but if you knew somebody with space in a loft/garage, could you get some big cardboard boxes and just chuck in anything (books, toys, clothes) that you don't think you will need in the next 6 months?

I find the stuff management is the most difficult part of family life. If you live in a small house it is difficult - we have a 2 up 2 down with no hall, so the stuff that most people have in their halls (shoes, bags, post, bags, sports stuff, bags on the way out) has to be put away/not exist or it would cover the floor of our front room.

I have been struggling with 'stuff' for 16 years, living as I do in a narrow house with little storage space, no garden and peopled by messy, hording inhabitants (my family). Like you, I find it horribly stressful, along with everything else. Nothing is ever where I need it to be and I am being slowly suffocated by piles of paper.

I have decided that I am going to book myself a week off before the summer holidays and do a blitz of all the crap I never get rid of. I am going to pay someone to do the little jobs that never get done - if I can find the money and that someone. I have tried to do the little and often thing, but I think it's got beyond that.

I am NOT going to launch myself into this (hopeless?) project during the holidays. However, I think it's a good idea to try and clear a little corner somewhere and keep it clear, just to start somewhere.

Hope your feeling a bit better now.Think we all have bad days like that. Iv only just joined mums net as i get down about my daughter she trashes the house too I will tidy up while shes at nursery she will be home for ten mins and the house is trashed again she breaks pringles into pieces on carpet before eating them but Ilet her get away with it just so she eatsas its something she doesnt do very often!I used to be a quiet and placid person before kids.Keep your chin up its got to get better(hurm)

1deb19 - I sometimes wonder why I bother putting food on a plate for DS2. It seems to be much tastier off the floor, specially if it's been crumbled into tiny pieces, first.