i feel like crying

[claw3]

just had a disastrous feeding clinic appointment.

OT assessed ds at home and was very much on side.

She then assessed ds at school and is now very much not on side.

I have been given the old 'children often display different behaviour at home' line, which is code for we dont believe you.

School have reported that ds is doing fine and has no difficulties in school and that i harass the SENCO as i am an over anxious mother who exaggerates ds's difficulties (obviously not said in so many words, im exaggerating obviously!)

She observed him at lunchtime and saw him eat ALL of his lunch. A quarter of chocolate spread sandwich, big bloody deal.

School have reported that give ds all kinds of wonderful help. This is not the case, they give him zero help. When i pointed this out, feeding clinic replied 'they dont get involved with schools disputes and i need to take this up with the school'

I reply 'well dont tell me he has no difficulties in school then'

A bit later she says again 'ds is coping fine in school with the help the school have put in place'

I show her a copy of the teachers report which conflicts with ds doing fine in school. She replies again 'we dont get involved in school disputes'

What is the point of talking to these people, if they dont even believe what you are saying.

I feel like telling them all to take a run and jump.

Whats the point of ds being given a label, if no one believes a word you bloody well say

I give up!

Off to CAMHS appointment now, rant over!

Oh Claw, I really feel for you and wish you lived round the corner as you could come and have a coffee and a chocolate biscuit and I could convince you that you are doing NOTHING wrong!

I think Wet is spot on. You need to concentrate resources on getting out of this mess. I think things do get worse when needs aren't being met and as you say, with a little bit of extra support in the right place, it might be completely different.

Would it be worth emailing the Head of SEN about this directly and copying in the admissions person? Wet will be best placed to advise I'm sure. You could say you are facing Tribunal because of unmet needs and this school has the resources and expertise to meet those needs

Sorry guys, i need to take a break for a while and pull myself together. I dont usual fall to pieces, but im having a moment here. Thanks

Hi there Claw,

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it.

It is "expected" of local authorities that good practice is that they should attempt mediation prior to tribunals, if there is any hope that it can be resolve without going to the tribunal hearing.

I would write a letter to whoever the SEN Manager is at your local authority. You need to say something along the lines of that, as he/she is aware, you have lodged an appeal with SENDIST against the LA's recent decision not to proceed with a statutory assessment. However, you also feel very strongly that the current placement is not meeting DS's needs. To this end, if the Authority are prepared to arrange a change of mainstream placement for DS to another school that will be more supportive, and that will carry out the actions listed on his IEP, that you would be prepared to work with the Local Authority on this, and support the new placement, and see if DS's needs can then be met in this more supportive placement without further need for statutory intervention.

I used to be a SEN manager, and I've done many tribunals. If I got a letter like that I'd have got you into another school within a week. Tribunals are just too much hassle, especially those lodged on the basis of a refusal to assess - to be honest tribunals almost always just end up saying "oh assess" because then if the LA assess but find "no statement" you come back to tribunal in a year anyway. It's all a bit pointless to defend a tribunal in a refusal to assess unless it's a really exceptional case. I did defend one where there some serious mental hea issues / munchausens type stuff going on with the Mum, and won, but otherwise tbh they'll always say "assess". Because without the assessment the tribunal really have no clue what's going on.

PLUS if you offer to work with them reasonably like that and they DON'T take you up on it, the tribunal will pull them to pieces for it.

So I'd get a letter in the post. If they are sensible they'll jump at the compromise you're offering.

But before that - have a cuppa, and a couple of biscuits, and sit down and be kind to yourself for half an hour. You'll be stronger for it.

Fantastic advice Casserole.

Claw - take a break. It's a long weekend and nothing can be done before Tuesday. If you want help crafting a letter I'm happy to help.

Look after yourself law-you are doing everything you can and it will be OK soon.

Thank you Casserole, ive had a cup of coffee and a little weep and pulled myself together and put my business head back on now

I have phoned the attendance officer and invited him to attend the meeting i have with school on the 15th. I have told him ds has not been to school on PE days, because they school are failing to met ds's needs. He confirmed to me that school have told him school dont have any concerns about ds and PE. They state in their IEP that ds is slow to get changed and become flusters, they have sent him home from school twice on PE days for being physically sick and pulling out his eyelashes, he loses his clothes, puts on other childrens clothes, hides his PE kit. But they cant see a problem.

Still enough about this school, they are in the past now and best forgotten about. I have phoned the new school and ds is now 1st/2nd on the list. SENCO from that school is going to give me a call. I will email LA with what you have advised. So fingers crossed.

Now i know for sure that school are telling everyone ds doesnt have any difficulties, as attendance officer has just confirmed. I will write to feeding clinic too.

Should i mention the school denial in the email to the LA and the fact that they have refused to communicate with me and chosen instead to report me to the attendance officer?

Go Claw!!!!!

I think you tell them your relationship with school has broken down because they are not meeting his needs. Pulling his eyelashes out isn't a problem? What bollox! I'd be appalled if my child was doing that and they admit this is happening. They are loons .

They are covering their own arses because they don't know what to do to meet his needs and don't want to admit it so they're glossing over everything.

Casserole has given fantastic advice and a real insight into the process.

This feels like the dawn of a new age!

I would mention it, but try (if you can, and I know this is hard) to put it in the most reasonable, non confrontation language you could find. Already "denial" and "refused" are putting barriers up - I'm not at ALL saying this isn't what has happened but in order to get your win you want to come across as by FAR the most reasonable party.

I would say things like
"I am really saddened by the news that the school has felt the need to contact the attendance team without discussing this with me first. The school and I have had several discussions about DS's difficulties with PE; they have brought to my attention that he , and we have discussed the possibility that these difficulties could have resolved if someone could be made available to help DS get changed. However, this has not happened, and I am now so concerned for DS's welfare on these days that I have kept him off of school on PE days. I am regretful that the school aren't able to provide someone to help DS at these times but he equally can't go on being physically ill at PE times.

Something along those lines. If you can specifically link to IEP strategies that aren't being upheld more the better.

Basic rule is be as utterly reasonable and patient sounding as you can. I know you feel let down by them, I totally get that, but you need the person on the other end to think "Oh Claw sounds reasonable, let's see if we can make this work"

And you also want the tribunal people, if it gets that far, thinking "this was a bloody reasonable parental request, why on earth haven't they met it?"

Sent 1st email exactly as you stated Casserole and just added that relations between myself and school have irretrievably broken down.

and that ds has been on the waiting list for X Primary School since January and is now 1st/2nd on the list.

If they want to negotiate further, i can add the rest.

I would go as far as to tell the LA that your DS's placement has "irretreivably broken down" and trust has been lost that cannot be re-established while school refuse to acknowledge (nicer than deny) the distress that their approach is causing your DS.

I would definitely add the words underlined Without Prejudice at teh start of the wmail - that means that the LA cannot bring up this email at the SENDIST.

Also state that you would be keen to see if son's situation improves in a more supportive setting and that there is plenty of time before SENDIST in Nov to meausure whether a placement at (NEW SCHOOL) has improved matters.

Oops - we were writing posts at the same time again Claw.{grin]

Yes Wet, i was impatient to get that 1st email sent, i want him in new school next term!

You guys are bloody brilliant. Casserole your wording is spot on.

I will never need IPSEA again

Debs, i can see a light at the end of the tunnel, yippee

I have wasted far too much time and energy on this school.

Now finger crossed that LA's response is a positive one.

Besides if a statement is eventually agreed to by the LEA do you really want the views of you as a parent from this current school in the statement appendage following him around for the rest of his school career? This is what my daughters school did.

i want him in new school next term!

So when they respond you can say that - new school year - fresh start - time to see if matters improve before SENDIST.

If he's now almost at the top of the waiting list then you may get a place there anyway by Sept.

Lobbying Local Councillor may also pay dividends - they do have clout.

Glad to see you're taliking in terms of giving up on existing school - a good move that will save you time and energy.

Timing wise I don't think that now is actually the time to appeal SENDIST.

You'd be better off waiting until you're away from crap school - start the SA request again by which time you should also have a firm dx - which would justify a placement in Base.

If I could get him into new school in Sept - see how it went - get firm dx and then perhaps ask for SA again if required.

It's all about having a plan of action

Wassup thats terrible, this has been a real eye opener for me. Im shocked at just how much clout school have on so called independent professionals.

They did exactly the same thing to last OT who went into school. Despite her assessing ds in clinic and reaching the conclusion that ds was extremely defensive and "scared in his own skin", she then visited school and was told he had no difficulties and then didnt even bother to write a report or follow up appointment for ds.

Wet, i meant after this school holiday!

It is all about a plan of action and i felt totally helpless when i started this thread.

Ooooh! Ambitious!

It's amazing to watch things turn around as this thread has gone on. It is so important just to have a clear plan or a way of regaining control. I think it is that loss of control which is so awful. You feel like no one is listening to anything you say and decisions are made for you.

You have got a way to take back control here and I really hope it'll work out for you.

Great to get your insight Casserole too!

It is terrible and you must now get out of that school you have tried everything you can!
Apparently as parents we like to occupy the heads of many professionals and now have the social services involved with us as a family.
We can't get this statement removed as it is with statement appendages which are a legal document. Why the hell would anyone actively want to have to see professionals about their child unless they had to and for the record we don't have social services involved with us a family. Social services are the EWO in this area and my daughter was absent for a while as the said school didn't make reasonable adjustments to meet her needs. They did investigate the absences but there was no case to answer. My daughter is also over 4 years behind with numeracy as backed up by EP tests. The said school took her into a room with a TA and set her a test. My daughter was ordered to rub out the wrong answers and put the right ones in their place. So the Head thought that he had evidence then that we were lying about her numeracy difficulties. There are many other things that they did/didn't do too.
My daughter know has a full time statement for secondary school in September with the LEA and EPS doing all that they can to support her in terms of meeting with the new school and advising them as well.
So a happier ending-hopefully!

And you will get there Claw I know you will.

Thanks everyone, i will get there, i know i will, i just felt backed into a corner and didnt know where to turn.

Wassup, that is unbelievable isnt it, im glad you have it sorted and are now feeling hopeful.

I always thought, school could lie and cheat as much as they wanted, but that independent professionals would always be impartial. I was wrong, it really knocked the wind out of me!

Now where has Casserole gone, i need to write to the feeding clinic to tell them the school have lied and are crap, without actually saying that

Reading between the lines of what was said. They have told OT

1. Ds has no difficulties and they have no concerns.

1. I am exaggerating and harass SENCO in unacceptable ways.

1. That ds doesnt have a soiling problem, he just doesnt wipe his bottom properly.

1. That ds doesnt have a eating problem and its just a case of me letting him eat what he wants.

"I am really saddened by the news that the school has felt the need to contact the attendance team without discussing this with me first. The school and I have had several discussions about DS's difficulties with PE; they have brought to my attention that he , and we have discussed the possibility that these difficulties could have resolved if someone could be made available to help DS get changed. However, this has not happened, and I am now so concerned for DS's welfare on these days that I have kept him off of school on PE days. I am regretful that the school aren't able to provide someone to help DS at these times but he equally can't go on being physically ill at PE times.

Just delete and insert where applicable?