i feel like crying

[claw3]

just had a disastrous feeding clinic appointment.

OT assessed ds at home and was very much on side.

She then assessed ds at school and is now very much not on side.

I have been given the old 'children often display different behaviour at home' line, which is code for we dont believe you.

School have reported that ds is doing fine and has no difficulties in school and that i harass the SENCO as i am an over anxious mother who exaggerates ds's difficulties (obviously not said in so many words, im exaggerating obviously!)

She observed him at lunchtime and saw him eat ALL of his lunch. A quarter of chocolate spread sandwich, big bloody deal.

School have reported that give ds all kinds of wonderful help. This is not the case, they give him zero help. When i pointed this out, feeding clinic replied 'they dont get involved with schools disputes and i need to take this up with the school'

I reply 'well dont tell me he has no difficulties in school then'

A bit later she says again 'ds is coping fine in school with the help the school have put in place'

I show her a copy of the teachers report which conflicts with ds doing fine in school. She replies again 'we dont get involved in school disputes'

What is the point of talking to these people, if they dont even believe what you are saying.

I feel like telling them all to take a run and jump.

Whats the point of ds being given a label, if no one believes a word you bloody well say

I give up!

Off to CAMHS appointment now, rant over!

Hi, I haven't been on this board long enough to know all the back story - but it's clear that you're having a terrible time.

Have you made a formal complaint to the board of governers? And another one? And another one? - Not because I think it will help, but it should seriously annoy the headteacher. Plus you can complain about the teacher, the senco and the headteacher - and it all has to be in the minutes of the governers meetings - which ofsetd might read, which is the headteachers biggest fear.

Secondly, have you considered home schooling while keeping your DS on the waiting list for all the other schools you can commute to?

Sorry - I know all obvious things you probably have done / considered. But it's all I can think of

Oh i have just checked my answer machine and i have 3 messages from the attendance officer!

Boxing gloves on i suppose and carry on with the battle. God, this is hard work!

Debs, i feel like i am doing their job for them. She stated that ds ate a piece of fruit for his class room snack, like it was real progress. I pointed out to her that ds has sometimes eaten a slice of apple or grapes for a class room snack since he started school(he has sometimes eaten these at home too). The problem is lunch time. Her response 'oh, so he picks and chooses when he eats'. Me 'do you think there might be a difference between feeling comfortable to eat in a class room with 30 children, than eating in a lunch hall with 200+ children when you have sensory difficulties'

I think OT has missed the point of the whole thing to be honest. He looked happy enough eating a quarter of chocolate spread sandwich!

He looked happy enough running around in the playground, with his coat on and his hood up when it was 90 degrees!

School report he is happy to do PE. But i have told you he is refusing school on PE days. Ds has reported he struggles, he feels sick, he dreads PE, he has been sent home for being physical sick and pulling out his eyelashes.

I wonder what a kid has to do, to show he is unhappy?

A statement isnt going to help the school, but it will help ds get a place at a different school, a more understanding one hopefully.

Peaceful, it just seems to be one thing after the other at the moment. I should know better than to actually think someone might just do their job!

I havent made a formal complaint to the Governors, but i have been copying them into everything.

I seem to be juggling so many complaints and tribunals at the moment, i dont think i could handle another at the moment, my head will explode!

Home schooling is something i have considered, but my understanding is once you are out of the 'system' it is very hard to get back into it. Im also not sure how this would effect the SA and tribunal process, that i have started or what kind of help ds would be able to get at home ie SALT etc

Total, yes Star, Debs etc are very good. I appreciate your opinion too, all experiences and input are valuable

I gave OT copies of IEP's and teacher reports when she did a home visit and warned her school would report no difficulties!

When she did the home visit, she squirted shaving foam onto a tray and asked ds to rub it around the tray. He asked her to hold on for a minute while he went upstairs to put on his 'secret gloves', he came down wearing a pair of socks on his hands. no difficulties there then, as school report he gets involved with messy play!

I told them today, that i feel school are unable to recognise or report difficulties, i have given them copies of IEP's etc. I suppose i will just to wait and see the report, then write to state what i disagree with.

School have also sent home an IEP for April (despite already having written one in February)

They have now written before each concern 'mum says' or 'mum reports' or 'mum is concerned'

They have also been chasing up reports and asking for information from the feeding clinic and CAMHS! (both refused to share info with them)

They are really over stepping the mark.

Claw

Simple question

Why don't you change schools now instead of waiting until / if you have a Statement?

Surely another school cannot be worse than the one you are currently trying to deal with?

Another school may even support your requset?

Just curious.

Wet, they dont have places, ds has to go on waiting list.

Wet, Im now beginning to wonder how much school can fuck up the dx process you know.

I emailed the ASD assessment team back explaining why i didnt want school invited to his dx meeting and he hasnt replied.

I will go ballistic, if they have.

I expect the LA could make a place available if they tried hard enough. Could you use that as a barganning chip with them>

Claw, I think you are within your rights to ask school why they are chasing personal information from CAMHS etc. You could tell them that you are happy to share information with them once you have received reports etc but that health professionals are not likely to share without your permission.

I think you could also ask school why it just lists these things as your concerns as there really is no point having an IEP if the school don't think it is necessary. They really can't have it both ways - what are they trying to say 'mum forced us to have an IEP' . Pathetic.

Children do present differently in different situations and I think that is to be expected. School is a regular, controlled environment and children are scared of voicing their true feelings. Life is not controlled. It is messy and chaotic and that is why we see more problems.

Wet, a bargaining chip?

I wont go to tribunal, if they move him?

Debs, i have a meeting with them on the 15th June.

I think i will write and tell them i want them to list exactly what ds's needs are and what help they have put in place, as this the purpose of the meeting.

I will also mention about sharing info then too.

Have you talked to the school you want recently? Are they good on SEN? Sometimes they will take without a statement and put in support over and above what they have to and use that to show support is needed via a statement ie work with you to achieve that.

Some schools will take a GP (or CAMHS) letter as meeting the queue jumping criteria and not require a statement.

How long until the dx meeting?

Will CAMHS support your request to change schools now? esp with refusal to go to school at times / self harm etc

Its pretty clear you can't go on with this school let alone your DS.
Even if you do get proof that says you were right and school were wrong it seems the situation is still going to breakdown as there is no trust at all.

Have you tried your MP?

You can argue the school will not be prejudiced about taking one extra child.

Can you get the GP and CAMHS to write a letter supporting a change of school

The school i want has an ASD unit attached, although ds would not qualify for the unit without a statement, im sure they will have a better understanding and advice on tap.

Ds is still 4th on the list. I havent explained to new school why i want him to leave old school, just that i have moved borough.

Dx is due on 23rd June.

CAMHS have been very reluctant to get involved in any school dispute and have been fed the same story by school ie they are doing wonderful things for ds. Although i could ask. When i told CAMHS about school refusal, her advice was to take ds to school in his pj's if he refused. (ds sees a different therapist every week i could ask her) I have a meeting with another therapist once a month for an update on how things are going.

Havent tried MP.

My GP will write whatever as long as i pay the fee.

What Debs and Agnes said - all true. You simply cannot go on like this.

yes - I did mean bargain with the LA to get him into the different school - even if that means abandoning the SENDIST.

Once he's there there is nothing to stop you asking for another assessment and starting the process again BUT you may find that new school is supportive and may even back your request. It also provides a more suitable environment for your DS - he may improve dramatically in another setting - how much longer can you force him to go to school under these condition? You'll drive both of you nuts!

I would think that if you dropped a strong hinto to the LA that you would settle for new school and not pursue refusal to SENDISt they'd bite your arm off.

Sorry - we x-posted.

You're right - you wouldn't get him into the Base without Statement but the fact that they play host to a base must mean they have more knowledge of ASD, even outside the base as not all lessons are taught in the base - PE, Science etc would be taught in full MS facility outside base with non-base specific teachers.

I'd try anything / anyone to get him into that school.

Can't you play the welfare card - i.e. son is so distressed by current school we MUST move elsewhere? then pay GP to back you up.

I know you are working fantastically hard for your DS - nothing could be truer but please don't take this as a criticism when i sya that you won't have enough ebergy to continue this soon as you're not just fighting for a Statement you are having to fight school every inch of the way.

That's simply not sustainable.

Wet i can write what i want put into a letter and give to my GP and she would do it for £30!

My GP is useless when it comes to anything other than ears, noses and throats, but i have known her for 16 years and she knows i wouldnt ask for anything unless it was necessary.

CAMHS i could go at it as they have a ASD unit attached and i feel ds would really benefit from it and communication has totally broken down with current school etc, etc. Rather than slag off current school.

All ds needs is a bit of understanding and some reasonable adjustment and im sure he would manage fine.

How would i go about asking LA, perhaps suggest to PP? how do i hint, in case they say no?

Wet, no offence taken, in fact i totally agree. Im not only to fight for a statement and school. I am then having to fight with outside agencies who after having visited school are reporting no difficulties because of the bull shit fed to them by school.

Im going to try and get some sleep. Thank you very much everyone for listening to my rant and your sound advice.

I think that is, as always, great advice from Wet.

Also, use the IEPs and the lies about help to your advantage. I take the view that if school are going to lie about all the wonderful things they do for DS, rather than waste and more time challenging it, I am going to use it and work with it. So, I can say to anyone asking 'here is a long list of all the things school are doing just to keep DS functioning'.

I was asked at the ADI what help he was given at school and I was about to do my usual 'well, he's supposed to get x,y and z but he doesn't get any of it and school have been difficult' but instead I just said school have to do all these things and I listed them.

The psychiatrist said 'oh he's getting alot of help, does he not have a statement' and wrote it all down. I thought 'aah'. Maybe, depending on the context, that approach can work better?? Even if it is to say 'school have told me they do ....'

It still doesn't mean you are saying it's enough, or that he doesn't need a statement. You maybe disagreeing with school about whether that meets his long-term needs. It doesn't mean your conceding anything but it might be worth thinking about to reduce the battles you have every day with everyone.

The fact is, from the IEPs, even the progress they've recorded and lied about is not great e.g. showing a card but still can't talk to a bloody teacher to explain the problem and they need expert advice on how to progress that.

Is it worth changing the focus slightly to concentrate on that? It's great you do what you do, but it can't meet the needs you don't yet understand as we haven't had a diagnostic report..?

Hope you're feeling better this morning anyway

Morning Debs, im still worried sick this morning and didnt get to sleep til about 4am.

All this wonderful help that they claim to give ds isnt even listed in his IEP. It is just what they report verbally and in a teachers report to LA claiming ds gets frequent help to complete his work and keep him on task.

Help listed in his IEP is 1:1 TA help 40 mins a week to work on speech delay, group help for literacy and math, visual timetable and 3 cards. Thats it and he hasnt even possessed the 3 cards since October, let alone used them.

The more i think about yesterday, the more uncomfortable i am feeling about it.

When i told the feeding clinic that ds was now refusing school on PE days, they aksed what school had said about it. I replied that the school had refused to communicate with me and she asked 'have you been communicating with the school in unacceptable ways' So school had obviously told them i harass SENCO!

When i told them that ds doesnt want to do PE because he feels sicks and i said i wonder if this had anything to do with his sensory dysfunction. OT replied you said he seeks movement. I replied he does, but then cant tolerate and feels sicks. She told me this was 'conflicting' and dismissed it.

Debs, i get your point, but at the moment im having get trouble converting this shit into something positive. Because they are reporting no difficulties its all mum, outside agencies are not bothering to do anything. I fought bloody hard to get this appointment with the feeding clinic and they are now dismissing my concerns as trivial because of school.

If i start claiming that school do give him all this help to keep him functioning, if ds is functioning ok, the feeding clinic will discharge.

Claw

Wet i can write what i want put into a letter and give to my GP and she would do it for £30!

That's exactly what I'd do but bang on in it about his welfare and the distress his current school is causing him - fresh start needed etc

I reckon that woudl at least get him into MS new school

Star, yes i have a date set for Tribunal in November.

At the moment ds is not getting any real help at all from the school. If im honest, he could probably cope quite well, with just some adjustments, understanding and work on his social skills, rather than being forced into everything. His main problem is anxiety and social communication.

How do i approach the LA about moving schools.

Im feeling very tired this morning, so you will have to be gentle with me and spell things out for me

You just look at the schools talk to the Head maybe SENco and see if they have place if you and your son likes it. You probably won't be able to start until a new term begins but how nice just to think you can tell this school where to go bye bye on the last day of summer term.