Aggressive posting on this board

[debs40]

For at least the third time in the last couple of days, I have seen aggressive, incongruous posts on this board from posters I do not recognise (save for their argumentative interventions on the AIBU board).

Do you think this board is being highlighted from the main board in a different way or that we are appearing in active convos or something different?

I've been posting here for two years and I have never seen these type of judgmental posting.

This is not the AIBU board. We pride ourselves on offering support and advice. Sometimes a little 'tough love' is needed or the advice is 'get a grip' but we don't judge each other and try to undermine people's posts.

Legitimate points can be made without having a go at people.

My boy's got new underpants on this week - I know the joy believe me!!

I saw the thread .. And it is a huge thing.. Well done on new pants!

Does it count if you're arsey on AIBU. I just have been (a bit) about the ODD thread

Being arsey about the ODD thread is fair game, Milady.

Oh yes Debs, we have both been on the receiving end. I think we must have jinxed ourselves for our comments on your pants thread.

AIBU in thinking this may be a conspiracy!?

Sorry Debs - if you are getting at me for being annoyed about what I perceived to be belittling of children with visual disabilities on a post about a child with ADHD/mild autism (grabbing glasses - this described as a 'few issues) then

(a) I did admit that it touched a very raw nerve with me
(b) I did apologise if I had misconstrued the OP's words and the feelings behind those words (vis a vis children with glasses - (my child is functionally blind without hers)
(c) I do, having said the above, feel that I have the right to be my child's 'advocate' on here. I even thought that one of the responses to me (not by the OP) 'yes well all children feel bad if they are picked on or bullied' (or words to that effect) was, in effect and attempt to sweep my child's disabilities under the carpet and to belittle the problems of children with visual disabilities. I am quite certain that if someone came on here and told how her autistic child had been bullied or picked on at school and the effect this had on him/her and someone responded yes well all children feel bad when they are bullied, then everyone would be (rightly) appalled.
(d) I did emphasise that I in no way ascribed malice or intent to the child grabbing the glasses - it was the words of his mother that touched a raw nerve in that they seemed (to me) to downplay the effect of behaviour on children with other disabilities.
(e) Finally, on reflection, when there was some confused explanation about the glasses of all these children being sun glasses (in reception) - then - and again forgive me if I am mistaken - after a good night's sleep I realised that I had probably been wound up over a tale that was less and less credible. mea culpa for taking the bait.

As I repeat, I too am my child's only advocate. I hope that I never disparage children with disabilities on the AIBU threads. never. I do sometimes feel, if I am totally honest, that visual disabilities are downplayed here and indeed on AIBU (a mother saying she was upset that her very small child needed glasses being effectively told to get a life on AIBU - well, glasses are indeed nothing compared to life threatening disabilities and indeed many other matters but, and more so in small children, they often indicate a rather greater problem that the mild myopia that I was (classically) diagnosed with aged 11, please remember that. I also feel, as I said at the time on AIBU, that if i said my child had 'dyslexia due to sight tracking problems' (as one mother at school has said to me - I immediately expressed concern and asked what the opthamologist had said might cause this 'Oh no its not a physical problem!' (as if that were some kind of insult), then somehow the MN jury would be more sympathetic. Or if I said that my child needed glasses to prevent sensory overload (not uncommon) then the MN jury might be rather more sympathtic than if I explain that my child needs glasses to prevent (severe) sensory deprivation. Yes, sometimes I feel that there is a bias here if I'm honest. But I never post unless I feel, as I honestly felt, that some direct bias and belittlement was taking place. please do not flame me for being my child's only advocate.

And frankly, having seen the jokey remarks about glasses on here I can only reiterate what i have said. Staring a thread about a thread to gang up on people is pure AIBU behaviour in itself.

Getting arsey on AIBU is fine whatever the topic! That is what it is therefore. I think if you are used to posting like that, and then you come here, you might think people are posting as an invite for your critical judgment but we don't apply the same logic on the SN board!

No bellisima, I wasn't talking about you.I know we exchanged words about your post but I could see why it touched a nerve and we sorted that didn't we?

I don't want people getting distressed wondering if they've caused offence/upset.

I was, perhaps, just trying to reiterate the unspoken protocol on this board is to try and support where we can - act as a critical friend but a friend.

sorry I have no ide what thread/threads th op means, I often don't read threads as I get lost once it become initials I don't understand.
bellissima your post was interesting dd wears glasses and finally keeps the on(been a long road) If someone took them of her she would be very upset and unable to stop them, so I can understand how you feel. glasses are important and often the difference between coping or not coping for a child.
I should imagine the world is a blur for dd without hers(very strong perscription)
but your post has hi lighted another reason why dd won't be moving for 16 plus.(thanks it is another thing I can put on my list)

debs40 it easy to upset on here though, I have been told I am nasty, accused of competive posting, bit on the sn board, I am now rather insecure on here(to the point that I expected to be flamed for not like pride of britain)

Bellissima.....that is unfair and I think you need to calm down a bit. We are not ganging up, just talking about a tone change on the board. The posts I was talking about related to school issues.

I'm afraid I haven't seen the jokey remarks about glasses here but it is right that you can let people know how these issues feel from the other perspective. We all make remarks out of ignorance and can all be insensitive but that doesn't mean if you point things out we won't listen.

2shoes???? I'm sorry 2 shoes I have not seen you being accused of anything so I must have missed that. Eh, pride of britain?? Where did that come in to it and I would think it perfectly normal not to like that.

Apologies for not explaining the initials used in my post about ADOS but I was looking for advice from those who had had the ADOS test. I promised I would be more explicit next time.

It is not about my personal sensitivity or me taking personal offence. I don't actually take offence very easily. The posts I got involved in were not mine. It is about trying to not judge each other and it is not about regular or even infrequent posters.

I think we did have a few 'off-board' posters arrive with a slightly different attitude that's all.

I just thought it would be worth pointing out that we generally don't try and jump on each other here that's all.

Argh - Debs once again I must apologise to you. I'm sorry - things not great at the moment (nothing to do with SN so shouldn't say here) so I'm being hypersenstive. And, as I just explained above, yes a recent AIBU post had probably helped to wind me up as well so that I over-reacted on this topic area which is not a nice thing to do. I only ever normally post on issues here that I have experience with and can say something about (ironically on grommits/hearing tests just now - lots of lovely experience with them - and of course all in the same child as the glasses whereas t'other one is little miss no probs). sorry again.

Oh god, do we have to like the pride of britian to post on here?

bellissima - Talk about over reaction. So the mum was a bit dismissive of glasses, it didn't warrant your reaction, and you're not saying you think she made it up are you?

'I realised that I had probably been wound up over a tale that was less and less credible. mea culpa for taking the bait'

Not a problem ...hoping things are getting better. Keep posting. We honestly will listen. I would hate for you to feel this isn't a place where people care about your child's issues. I think you have a very valuable insight and are clearly a great advocate for your child.

We are not AIBU and we don't react like them! I used to go there once but not now.....too scared!!

oh don't worry, I don't.
I was just trying to let bellisama know she isn't alone iynwim.

the pride of bratian thing was the thread about Keith duffy, I just hate thoe shows and awards.

you have to remember that people like me Lurk to learn, so you have be the teacher
but I do understand, if you use initials all the time, it is hard to sudenly remeber to put the whole thing, i think I was haveing a woe it is me moment when I started that thread

ABatInBunkFive that isn't nice

ABat - I honestly don't know. Having rushed in in high indignation (I admit!) I sat back and wondered just how many 4-5 year old contemporaries of the child would actually be wearing glasses that could be grabbed - it is actually fairly rare at that age, less than one per class on average in schools I have seen (I help out with reading). Then I was told that all these children were wearing sun glasses at school. I just thought, hours later, that's really odd.

sorry but that was simply my honest reaction and I was really getting at myself at having possibly leapt in and got all upset about something of nothing.

Would just to say that i have been on the receiving end of the judgmental, nit picking type of posting that Debs is referring to from a poster i have never seen on this section before.

and it did appear that the posters only motivate for posting was to ignore the dilemma and nit pick and create an arguement.

Fortunately i dont get upset easily, but there are some parents who do feel very vulnerable at times, especially when discussing their children.

i think the trouble is
unless you say that the post was.....
the c &p it
everyone is going to think it was them.

Nor was saying someone is lying. And i x posted with Bellas second post which was much more gracious.

No, no one has to like Pride of Britain or anything else like it!!

There is no need to be explicit about threads as the people I wad referring to have gone and the point was that there had been an appearance by people who had got lost on the way to AIBU and decided to stop and have a rant.

Bellissima - I think it is about perspective. For those of us with ASD children, the point of the post was one we would recognise i.e. school not being having a strategy for dealing with a child on the spectrum but not being prepared to admit that they don't know what to do. Result - exclude child as it is easier.

For you, quite rightly, the important issue was the glasses. That doesn't mean the other mum was being dismissive or that the child did not grab glasses, it's just that the focus of the post was elsewhere.

We are all guilty of it. I have done the ASD walk of shame to be called in by a teacher to be told my normally placid little 7 year old has bitten someone who got into his personal space. My horror at this is always mixed with a feeling of defence for my child because, with appropriate support, neither he or the other child would have been in that situation. However, this never diminishes the sense of embarrassment and shame I feel for my son's actions or my sadness for the other child who got bit. It doesn't happen very often but I usually go and talk to the other mum and apologise and explain.

ASD is a hidden disability in lots of ways and one which brings a great deal of mortification with it at the often inappropriate behaviour of our youngsters!! Hope that explains it a bit!!

Do people feel crowded about by the ASD posting? I often think that from some of the posts. Do you think there should be a separate ASD board? Don't flame me!! I don't know the answer - it's just a genuine question.