got to have a moan sorry....but I am so fed up with reading threads

[2shoes]

where it says, oh if you can't afford to be a SAHM get a job,
now I know they arn't aimed at me...but
how??
who would look after dd if she is sick, school holidyays the one loose BO that means 48 hopurs off school. the high temp that was just cos she was hot but means she is sent home.....
arggggggggggggggg

Oh I know, 2shoes.

Dd1 is now at school full time, and dd2 will be off soon enough, and I havehad so many hints from "friends" that I can now at least get back to work.

Hahahahahahahahaha.

What about the fact that dd1 is sick every time she has a bath, and so has 48 hrs off. What about all the gf cooking that needs doing, not to mention the hours spent coordinating therapy etc.

We spend the best part of each Friday taking dd1 to OT - who's going to do that?

And of course, schools holidays, as you mention. No scheme for dd1 round here.

Where are all these fulfilling, totally flexible jobs, with all school hold off as standard?!

And shifts no less. Never mind if you're single or your child needs you during the night every night.

I think its difficult enough for any SAHM to get a job or go back to work, let alone a SAHM with a child with special needs.

I would love to go back to work, not so much for the money, but for my own sanity!

There are no after school clubs, schemes or child minders, who would take ds to the endless appointments, cater for his diet or phobias and anxities, carry out the therapy he needs etc.

I also cant see any employer letting you take the time off of work needed.

Also for ds, the school day is very long and i dont think he could cope with going to an after school scheme or being around others for a whole day.

I was studying, but the sleepless nights made it impossible to continue and i take my hat off to any parents who manage work or study with a child with special needs.

Look, I work full-time and I'm happy like that, but I wouldn't dream of telling another person what to do. I am very rattled by how, the moment someone gets pregnant, let alone has children, let alone children with SEN, everybody has a freaking opinion on what you should and should not do.
If it's any consolation, I've had hints that me working is selfish and is ruining my DS's life, being in nursery increases his levels of cortisol, etc.
At least this section of MN (not so much the other sections) tends to be non-judgemental, and supportive of whatever every individual thinks it's best for them

sc13 I am always in awe of people who ,anange to work full time and parent a kid with sn, how do you manage it?

2shoes ask me again when DS starts school
It's as Starlight says: well-paid job, relatively flexible, same for DH. We only have one kid between the two of us; DS's special needs do not affect his sleep, his feeding or his physical health.
If any of these circumstances had been different, it'd be a different story.
The job market, especially now, is disastrous for anybody, let alone mothers wanting flexibility.

I work part time (2 13 hour shifts 6 shifts per 4 weeks) its tough, but I am sooooo lucky that my job allows me to work weekends (DH looking after ds and a tuesday DM looks after DS)
I have to work I have no choice, my hours earns the same as DH's week.
I an so of the SAHM especially when I first went back to work when ds was 14mo. I was worried sick. I still am sometimes. at least when i'm with DS I'm reasured he's safe.
But no one should be judgy about peoples circumstances. people decide to work, others dont some peple have no choice either way M2C anyway!

The only job that fits round DS2 is being a TA, which is what I'm doing at the moment. But I can't increase my hours, because then I'd earn just over the threshhold for Carers Allowance and we would either lose money or gain so little that it's not worth it. Going back into teaching (I used to be Head of a secondary English dept in a former life) just isn't possible with the number of hours you have to do out of school time. Part-time flexible well-paid (or even well-paid-ish) jobs just don't seem to exist.

( I have hidden the thread that is winding me up, so should be cool now)
hats of to you people who work out side

2shoes

I am very very lucky that I work from home around the childrens ( mainly ds2 needs).. And that dh is about ( he works funny hours) when I have to be out.

I tried working in an office .. And it totally proved that it couldn't be done in my situation.

Please don't feel bad at all.

I don't think anyone would be suggesting that mum's with SN children should get a job - the lack of childcare for anyone with a disability - especially a severe disability - counts most of us out of full time employment anyway.

Starlight, it is about disability. I could get childcare for my non-disabled ds without a problem, but it is much trickier for my disabled child, despite having a fab new-ish play scheme (set up by parents of disabled children - no-one else cares).

Because we are on a low wage, we can also claim a high percentage back of our childcare costs via Tax Credits - if I could get the childcare - a benefit anyone on a truly low wage is entitled to

DD is your ds going in half term, dd is in Tues/weds

It is really hard, i started working fulltime 7 months ago, a huge chunk of my earning are going to childcare for ds1, the school won't take him in his afterschool clubs because they don't have a helper for him, so i had to find someone to look after him after school.
I think that if they want to encourage mums of kids with sn to go back to work then they need to sort out affordable childcare.

I think life is one big juggling act - whether you work or are a SAHM. Given the choice I would have loved to stay at home but have to work to pay the mortgage etc... Luckily my employer lets me work term-time only as I have no family living locally who could help out. I do school drop-off and DH starts work early so he can collect ds from school. It annoys me when we have to go to review meetings etc and the senco checks with all the professionals that they are available but never with us. We just get told the meetings are on such & such day and are expected to be there!

I agree it's a juggling act re:childcare/shifts/holidays, but having a child with SN does tend to make things more (and in some cases impossibly) difficult. It irks me how people make throwaway suggestions about how anyone can get a term-time/school hours job or a supermarket evening job - makes me wonder whether they have ever even tried looking for one

yeah i read it but so not posting on it since as a single parent with 4 kids on benfits im no1 on hit list .

Forget the fact was married and xh was working but xh could not cope with ds sn so called it a day and walked out , now has nothing to do with dc his choice bar the £2 a week thats in total not each

I agree, everyone's situation is different, judegements on what we should, or should not do don't help, as no-one else knows the full story, personally the only work I have been able to do around DS (and DH who is physically disabled) is teach for the OU, as hours are from home, and (for the most part) as and when i can, there is some face to face teaching, but that's saturdays and my family helps out, (I know I am lucky). Pay is ok, but better than i would get elsewhere for the hours i can do. They have also been brill about the constraints of caring, (have allowed a year off from one of my two posts, so i can concentrate on DS.)

'I am always in awe of people who ,anange to work full time and parent a kid with sn, how do you manage it?'

That's the beauty of the sn boards, they are much more supportive and far less opinionated about each other's parenting.
I work full time, but I'm a teacher so I get holidays. I can function on 4 hours sleep, so I worked at home when my children were asleep.
His needs don't involve OT, S&L, dietary, therapy or hospital appointments. Just a very good, close working relationship with the schools and staff. I do meetings after school and email a lot. We have a lot of support from my parents. My OH is not helpful, but doesn't get in the way, he ticks all the boxes for AS as well.
I wouldn't presume to tell anyone else that they could do what I do, their child's needs are so different and their family circumstances are not mine.

riven I don't think they exist, the only people who could do it are people like us and we are way too knackard