please hold my hand and tell me what i should do.

[Marne]

We have just been offered a council house, we put our name forward for 2 this week, the first one was the one we really wanted as it was close enough to dd1's school and in the catchment area for the SN school we are trying to get dd2 into. We have just been offered our 2nd choice which would mean moving dd1 (AS) from her school and it means our aplication for dd2 for the sn school will be a waist of time and we would have to apply for another school (we are running out of time to do this), the school in in another county so this will effect her statement which we are in the process of getting. The house is also a lot further away from dh's work.

We have been waiting for a year to get a house and i'm worried if we turn it down we wont be offered another one for a while.

What do we do?

a) turn it down, continue to struggle in our tiny 2 bed with me and dd sleeping on the sofa nd wait for something closer to become available?

b) move, which will upset dd1 having to move schools, try and get dd2 into the other sn school (which may be imposable)?

So confussed, i don't want to upset dd1 by moving her away from her friends (the few she has) but dd2 needs her own room so badly.

What would you do?

Well, I'm probably not really in a position to judge, but one thing I have always felt is that the most important thing for an ASD child (any child) is to get the home life right. The rest of it will always have its stresses and strains (school, social life) but if they have a relaxed situation at home to fall back on then they are better able to cope with the other things. I don't know your DD but mine has always surprised us when it came to move house or school by how well she coped, but I think she is more like your DD2 than your DD1.
Anyway, sending good vibes your way because it's a very difficult position to be in [hugs].

Thank you Brioche, i'm sure she will be fine moving schools but i can see it will cause her anxiety thinking about making new friends etc.

I feel really silly (i'm sat here crying because i really don't know what to do), the dd's have to come first, dd2 would be happy anywhere but don't want to upset dd1 .

Dh has just phoned me, he said we can go and have a look tomorrow (drive past, show dd1 the school), he said we can always turn it down and agreed that it depends on dd1 (if she doesn't want to move schools then we stay put until something else comes up). I'm sure if i show dd1 the school and talk to her she would come round.

Agre with brioche
But the first thing to do, the very first, is to ring L:EA and say 'If we move is there a space at SNU for DD2'

Then you know where you are starting from

Sympathies over the counties thing: if you turn left at the end of our road you are ijn one county, right another and if we need to move (if landlady wants house back) it'll be a nightamre trying to worki out where is feasible to live wrt schools.

Santci

sounds like area we live in to east gets one way Wrst wEssex is 4 miles other way is 100 yards .dd nt goes school West Essex ds any luck get place in unit north herts

check with council/ha whether turning it down would really affect your chances of getting a house nearer where you are now.

you have pretty good reasons for wanting to stay near where you are now - if they know them, they may be helpful?

Does dd2 have a statement already is there any chance you can go look at Sn units near by

We are in the middle of getting a statement for dd2.

We have spoke to dd1 and showed her a picture of the house and school (on google maps), we also looked at the school web site, she says she is happy to move and will make new friends as well as keeping in touch with her friends here. The new school works along side the school she is in now and they often team up for school trips and activities so she will still be in contact with her old friends. I asked her if she wanted to stay where she is until the end of the summer and start the new school in september (i can just about manage to get her there for the last few weeks), at first she said she wants to move straight away and then after thinking about it she said 'i want to start in september'.

I'm so proud of her, she reacted differently then i expected, i think i was worried as i know how upset i would have been at her age to have to move schools, but she's not me (i was shy), she will talk to anyone and is looking forward to making new friends.

I have just put her to bed and i gave her the biggest hug , i'm so proud of her and so relieved, now i just need to convince DH (who is also on the spectrum).

I will phone LEA on tuesday to see if we can change the school choice and hope it can still go to panel on the 24th may, if anything the sn school is better than the one we were applying for plus dd2 knows a couple children who will be starting in september.

I'm so glad for you change is scArey for anyone. Understand how bei g cooped up in to small a place is hard .

Does dd1 have a statement? not sure what services you use salt Ot etc but contact them and ask that they refer you direct to there counterparts in new county also if moving gp ask them for summary of new notes for you to hand over etc

not sure how far your moving

We are in west Dorset, the new house is also in west dorset but on the somerset border, the new school (for dd2 if we get a place) will be in somerset. I don't know how it all works, will dd2 need a statement from somerset because the school is in somerset or will the statement we are getting from west dorset be ok? We are due to get dd2's statement very soon, we have not named a school yet, its possible the statement will come through before we move.

Dd1 does not have a statement, we are trying to get her OT through the school nurse, as the school she will be going to will be in the same county this should still be the same (i think the school nurse is the same).

Chances are we wont get dd2 a place in sn school anyway (her needs are not as great as some) and she could possibly go to MS with dd1 (i which case the statement will be ok), the MS school in the village has a great ofstead report and seems to be a very nice school. The SN school in somerset is very good but they only take 67 pupils (age 4-18) which means they don't take many each year, it could be tricky getting dd2 in.

I will phone dd2's case worker (who is dealing with the statement and school entry to the special school) on tuesday and see what can be done, i only have 3 weeks until it goes to panel to decide if she gets a place at the SN school in dorset, do you think they can change the choice of school or is it too late?

The school in somerset seems to be the best choice although i am only going on what other people have told me (i have not had the chance to look around).

Ok if your still staying in same county it is still the lea where you live that are responsiable for statement not where they gp to school though they will approach the lea where dd wil go to ask them to consider then Somerset will have 3 weeks to decide

Will you be staying within same lea?

Oh and if you decide that want new village school for dd2 is still possiable as she is stamented so can be named

Only know this as I moved first within same county but differnt Lea then moved again into next county and looked at sending ds back into old county for schooling

And if Sn unit in Dorset is named they should provide transport if it's the nearest in county school

Thanks roundthebend, thats good to hear, we will be moving to the same county which is the same LEA, where we live at the moment we could just about manage to get dd2 to the sn school (in dorset) but moving the other way (only a 15 minutes drive) takes us right into the catchment area for the somerset school and slightly to far away from the dorset school so she either has to go to MS with dd1 (i would only do this if the statement states 'full support') or we try for a place at the SN school. I guess we also have the option of keeping her in nursery for an extra term whilst we decide on schools?

To get her from the new house to the sn school in dorset would take a 45 minute drive (rather than the 20 minute drive from here), i don't like the idea of her having to travel for the amount of time each day (either by taxi or bus), the somerset school will only be 5 minutes away and she could go by bus or i could take her.

Though be aware that Somerset might say school is filled with own dc having priorty even though there further away than you here the nearest speech unit is 4 miles but it's next county who said they already have to many of dc who live in county fighting for places yet I have dd in the ms side of school and most of the dc in unit live lot further away than us but in right county so they priortise that way but ask West Dorset to formerly approach Somerset who will then take it to own panel and they must respond within 21 days

but have found fantastic one in county but only downside is 45 minutes away but benefits outweigh the distance

yes ds was on ms but we then moved and while sorting out placements he is back in nursery but Lea want him in school asap as his peers are in standing fast that ds will not go to any stopgap placement while we sort out and luckily as he's not 5 till July I can do this

But do be aware places for September are starting to be deicided from now for Sn and units

We decided to go and have a look at the house (well i had already seen it but i took dh today), looking at it today (sat) it seems that there could be problems with parking, we need to be able to park close to the front of the house as dd2 is a runner and likes to chase cars, there is no drive way or garage and we have 2 cars to park, there was cars parked out the front of the house (i guess these would be the neighbours cars) and there was no where for us to park.

The only was we could get over this problem is to turn the front garden into a drive way and lower the curb. Does anyone know if this is possible with a council house? If i have to park half a mile up the road it will be a night-mare when i have both dd's as dd1 ofter refuses to walk and dd2 runs off.

My sister lives in a council house and has had the curb dropped as they have a mobility car and need parking close to the house but I think even of you don't have a need they allow it to be done. Will vary though around the country probably, best to ring up and ask.

My DS surprised me greatly when we moved house, and his house move was totally sprung on him the poor thing! Sounds positive in terms of your DD1 being on board and having more space at home.

Dh is going to ring them on tuesday and ask about the parking and putting in a driveway, if they say 'no' then dh isn't keen on moving there, he's worried that we wont be able to park. Fingers crossed they say 'yes' .

Marne, you can change the front into a drive and get the curb lowered, as lon as the council give you permission to, just like any other property. You have a good reason for getting it done, so can't see the problem.

Really glad you've finally (possibly) ot a house, and so pleased your DD1 was fine with the idea of moving

Yes it is possiable friend have just had a driveway done replacing their front garden and dropped kerb done to on grounds of his disablity all paid for by council

Not sure in your case if there pay for it but worth asking about doing yourself check out rest of houses see if they done but where used to live most people built driveways

you might well find that a lot of council houses do t have offroad parking less done by previous remnants

Thanks 5inthebed, i hope it all turns out ok.

roundthebend - it would be great if they pay for it but we will pay for it if we have to, luckily my dad is a builder and would only charge us for materials.

I'm feeling really negative about this today .

I really feel like saying 'no, we will stay here until something closer comes up, wait until we know if dd2 has got a place at sn school (24th may) and wait for dd2's statement', then again i would feel guilty for not providing dd2 with the bed room she so needs .

2 Weeks today we are going on holiday (just a week in cornwall), i'm not sure i could cope with the stress of having to move a week after we get back, i would not be able o relax on holiday and dh would be stressing about the move.

I keep going over and over it in my head and i just wish i knew what to do for the best, my main worry is the dd's, dd1 is happy to move but she's only 6, she has no idea what it could be like for her settling into a new school with teachers that have not got a clue about Aspergers. The school she is in now is not perfect but the teachers except her for who she is, they have excepted that dd1 will talk her way through a lesson and they know how to handle her when she's upset.

I just wish all of this was happening in a few weeks time (after dd2's school aplication goes to panel and after our week away).

Would we be stupid to turn it down?

I also had a bad night with dd2 (up 3 times) which highlights the fact that dd2 needs her own room and i want to be back in our bed .

Maybe you need to ask yourself do you want to move and realistally is there ever a goof time to move. .what happens if dd2 does not get a place in unit and you either need to appeal or look at ms then another house comes up not in same area after she's started school?

There is always option of school transport if she gets place in unit no gurantee you get one in the nearest unit to the house as it's out of county and yes I know thought putting d. Into taxi is hard I'm struggling with it that ds getting place in fantastic unit is worth the minimum 45 min journey

Moving is hard trust me I know not since long done it but mine involved new Lea and new county but were getting there and mine wAs not a planned move well not so fast as happened

But for me finally having my own room a bit of personal space is fantastic And for the dc to have there own rooms to get away from each other

Of answer is no to moving check how it would affect your postion and how often houses in your area come up

Sorry thinking how Quick do you need to accept offer could youaube phone the schools in area go see them and talk about dd see if right place not sure if dd1 has statement if does you could possiably look at other schools close by new house