Oh fgs! DD *AGAIN*!

[CardyMow]

Because DS2 was on a school trip all day today, and he needs 1-2-1 on school trips,as do 4 others in his class, I had to go with him to help. So the coach got back late, which meant I was all of 10 minutes late home. I tried to text DD to let her know, but I got no answer. I got home to find her standing outside (she has a key, but struggles to open the door, it's 'sticky' in this weather). Now bear in mind that I was only ten minutes late. She has used her key to scratch all over my front door, which means that on our landlord inspection next month, I'm going to get charged £400 to replace it. . All because I was late so she didn't get her after school snack on time. I know it costs that much to replace as she's already done this once since September and it's one of those new fangled ones where the 'sticky out bits' go into the door frame. FFS I don't have that sort of money right now. I've sat her on her bed (so I don't bloody KILL her), but she doesn't even realise why I'm annoyed......AAAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Can ANYONE calm me down? I'm actually considering wibbling in the corner crying...I had to do 1-2-1 (2-2-1 in reality) with DS2 and another boy who is asd & adhd in a toy museum today, as one of the TA's called in sick. Can't think why.... Then to come home to this....

Yes I can totally understand how angry that would make me . Quite a few words starting with F would have come out of my mouth, and no I don't suppose you'd find them in a "good parenting" book, but they sure as hell help me get my anger out and keep my sanity. Fag? Drink? Would those help you?

Then does she respond to computer taken away, no TV type penalities. Or a very long, very dull lesson on opening the door even when sticky? Done over and over again till she gets it, and never makes same mistake again?
Or no pocket money for a year, or do penalities not work at all, sorry if this advice all useless? I feel for you!

large glass of wine and a deep breath....

Penalties never work. Ever. it's just one more thing in a long line of them. Doesn't mean that I don't apply penalties, just that it never seems to sink in that she will not do X or Y if she does A or B. And I did turn the air a rather fetching shade of blue......the DS's may have learnt a few more naughty words tonight! It's just after the day I've had anyway (why is it always easier to cope with your own DC with asd than someone else's?). He had a meltdown because we had to move to the next activity, so I was walking up a victorian rickety set of stairs carrying DS2 as he can't manage stairs due to his muscle probs, and had to carry the other child as well due to meltdown/not moving. Hard enough to carry two toddlers, but 6yo's? My back hurts. lots. OW. And am going to have to explain to DP that I'm going to have to cancel the caravan holiday as I need the money to replace the door so I don't lose my tenancy. DP needs this holiday as it is the only thing keeping him sane-ish with his depression. He gets back at 8.30pm tonight. I can't face HIS meltdown tonight. Am I being a wuss? (DP is also asd...). Can I just disappear? .

And am now feeling and on behalf of DS1 now. This was going to be his only chance of a holiday this year. Or ever. It was going to be a chance for him to go to the kids club there, and get a chance to interact with other NT DC's. Oh FFS, Why does it have to be THIS difficult??

Will it be covered on house insurance?

Could you apply to the Family Fund for a hol?

I might try the family fund, it's the only option I've got left. And nope, my minimal house insurance doesn't cover accidental damage, can't afford the extra premium.

What a stressful day for you. How many bottles of wine have you had so far .

Could you ask the landlord to take it in instalments?

What a horrible day for you. I think you'd be eligible for Family Fund from the sound of things. They take about 4 months to deal with applications, so you could get it in time for a summer holiday.

I think it sounds unfair that you were required to supervise DS2 - if school are saying he needs 1-2-1 then they should apply for funding for that! Is he statemented - was there supposed to be a TA for him, who called in sick? He is the school's responsibility in school time and they shouldn't be passing that on to you. I can understand that you'd want to help out, but it can be a way for schools to play down his needs or avoid paying for extra help. They would not be able to stop him going on trips even if you said you couldn't come - it would breach DDA I think.

PAH! no, he doesn't normally need 1-2-1, it's just the trip wasn't accessible to him unless there was someone to specifically carry him up & down stairs. He doesn't have a statement, he's on SA+, it was a museum in an old building, that's not got a lift in due to grade 2 listed restrictions or some other bolleaux. It's the other lad's TA that called in sick...I can only assume she knew what a PITA he would be.... Me and the other TA were going to supervise a group of 4 between us (other helpers had 6-8 each). I was the only other helper bar the teacher had no experience of asd probs, she had an asd dc with her already, plus she had to sign for one of the other dc's. If you've read my other threads, it's a lot to do with how poo the school is. Thing is, this is a trip they've been doing every year for the last 6 yrs, they're not going to stop it just because it's not physically accessible to one dc in 6 yrs, and I didn't want DS2 to miss out.

As for the landlord, it's a crappy HA, they won't let you pay in installments, it's breach of my tenancy if I don't repair it within 28 days (of the HA noticing...). They made me do it in October as well, she did the same thing at the end of September, I had to find the £400 within 28 days then as well. Not REALLY had any wine, doesn't mix well with my epilepsy meds, but am imagining a nice ice cold glass of rose right now...

that should read...had any experience of asd's, rather than what I typed...

OK, I see. I did read your other threads but couldn't remember the different dcs situations!

It does seem very unfair to expect you to find £400 in 28 days, especially from a HA! I would go to a CAB or your local Carer's Centre for advice, perhaps they can go through your budget and show that it would be unreasonable to expect you to pay in one go? Or they may be able to direct you to other financial help available?

Hope you're feeling better today!

'As for the landlord, it's a crappy HA, they won't let you pay in installments, it's breach of my tenancy if I don't repair it within 28 days (of the HA noticing...). They made me do it in October as well, she did the same thing at the end of September, I had to find the £400 within 28 days then as well'

Hmm

I find yelling 'Arew you not aware that not giving me time topay is a breach of the DDA?'very loudly can helpwith this sort of thing.

becuase the DDA is sopoorly understaood,heck half the time it doesn'teven need to be a guaranteed win

It does seem to be a reasonable adaptation,and if you are applying toFFcan you do it ASAP and cover door asa request with hol?Might get it.And it does sound as if you need a break. I know how you feel WRT NT sibs.... ds2 suffers a lot I think.Wemanaged to get him in cubs though and he gets nights away etc now, is it / will it (not sure of age) be an option for you?

Oh just reread the thread

You know IamPeachy,right?

Are you on TTR? Happy to chat any time about depressed DH's- dh was severely illwith it a few years ago,attempted suicide,but is in remission now and I am willing to empathise

TTR? DP has suffered depression the whole time I have known him (11 years), he says it's been like that all his life. Some periods are worse, some are better. I can't afford the transport to get DS1 to either activity he wants to do (he wants to go to cubs & karate) because the bus travel to each would be £10 as DP works late, and I'd have to take the other 2 dc's with me and hang about in the middle of nowhere with them. Not that I could even afford the subs. I'm feeling a little better today, but then I still haven't mustered the courage to tell DP about the holiday yet, he was in a crap mood after work, and it was too dark for him to see the door anyway......

I tried the DDA thing last time (not averse to a bit of blagging when necessary) as I have epilepsy myself. They didn't give two hoots. All they said was you signed the tenancy, it's your problem, if you don't like it, move out.

Contact the family fund. I am sure you would qualify for a holiday.
I know you have probably tried this, but has DS1 any friends who go to karate and cubs whose parents would be willing to pick him up and drop him off? You could offer to have their kids for tea or something to repay them (probably a stupid idea).
Are there any siblings clubs in your area where he could go to get away from your other kids? Some are being set up as part of the Aiming High provision.

Crumbs...Aiming High provision...my part of town isn't even covered by sure start! The other end of town is, but I can't access either the aiming high provision or sure start provision just because the council decided to plonk me in a HA house in the North (more affluent) end of town, instead of the South (deprived) end of town...

And the other parent's in his class...err...find it hard to relate, most have only let their DC come to mine once for tea, then 'politely declined' after that...their dc's find my SN dc's hard to cope with...as do their parents.... So none of them are willing to go out of their way to help me with the transport. Plus as the primary isn't the local one to me, their DC's go to the cubs at the school, whereas I have to travel into the town, so it's not even the same group IYSWIM. Hazards of your dc's not being given the catchment school. It's just poo!

OMG!!!

Just reading through your thread. Not a stalker and have no real advice for you but girl, you are in need of a break yourself!! No wonder your dreading telling DP about the door, you know what's coming.

I do think your HA are being V shitty!! I should imagine, as most are, that they have a gov body who they have to answer to. May be worth doing a bit of digging around to see how you can get more time or help with the cost of the door. Why is it £400? Do they fit the door and bill you? Would they not let you replace the door yourself as long as it me all requirements? Maybe get it done cheaper? Sorry, just throwing ideas at you and I'm sure you've tried them all.

So, if you can't have wine, can you nail a box of chocolates? Feeling for you, you seem to be in a no win no win situation!!! Hope you get your holiday money from the FF

Cheers. Rather than hitting the bottle, I appear to have been mainlining chelsea buns (my downfall) for the last week. I have still not told DP, am still too wussy. I appear to have put on half a stone through too many cakes, I only ever eat them when I'm stressed! I now have DS2 off school again with his chest again. Then DD has a non-pupil day on Monday, and the DS's have a non-pupil day on Friday. So next week I'm not going to get to do my shopping child-free on either of my shopping days. Deep Joy! I'm expecting a call from the EWO by Monday, as there's no way DS2 will be well enough for school tomorrow, as he's getting worse not better, and that's going to result in his attendance dipping below 85% for this academic year. It just gets better and better! Yes they fit the door and bill you, not allowed to get it done myself. And according to the governing body, I signed a contract therefore I agreed to the terms of the contract...(tenancy agreement). Getting in touch with FF on Monday (need some phone credit first).

Why is it that the really nice people of the world, who have a whole heap of sh1t to deal with each and every day then get dumped on by the fat cats of this world like HA's? Like they need the money! And you can bet your @ss that it doesn't cost them £400 to get the door - I bet they're making money on that too, fckers.

Re your shopping - can you not do it online? That's the only way I get to eat!! No way I could take DS to shops every week and to be fair, I usually get what I ask for! Have you tried it before?

Re telling DP. Nothing more to say other than oh. No good time I suppose but why not wait til you've spoken with the FF? He may never need to know!!

Looking at the issues you now have with poorly DC, is it not cake time!!!!! Think I'd be the same, love cakes and sweet things when I'm down!

I may resort to doing my shopping online next week, I just don't like it because Tesco's do some really inane substitutions, and I'll still have to get to Waitrose for DS1's GF food, as I can't afford to buy enough other food in there to get delivery, it's only DS1's food I get from there because my local Tescos is a bit crap for it.

I'm thinking along the lines of waiting until I've spoken to FF before telling DP...mostly because he's in such a shit mood bad place anyway that we've already had a massive barney tonight! (we've made up, but his depression is getting a tad wearing)

It wouldn't surprise me if I found out that the HA were making money on the door, I know it's a high-falutin' sticky out bits into the door frame jobby, but, seriously, £400 farking quid??!!

Oh and to top off my suberbly wonderful week, DS1 came home from school to tell me that he had visitors in his class today who were telling him all about Islam. They brought one of their children with them. Said child obviously had a stomach bug, as said child managed to chunder over DS1 and 3 other DC's. So I have had to wash (someone else's child's) vomit out of his school fleece. That was brand new on this morning. That I'd just paid £14 for. And the odds on DS1 coming down with the tummy bug in the next 48hrs? Place your bets now.....

All I need is for him to have time off, he's already hovering at 86% attendance this year. Getting the EWO called on me for TWO DC's is going to look just faaaaabulous dahlings!!

Hey

How's the situation today? DS1 off school sick yet? Spoken to the FF yet? Has the need for a chelsea bun taken over your day? And last but not at all least - where are you up to telling DP about the holiday/door??

All things considered, your post is very calm!!!!