When did you know there was a problem?

[liahgenisuptheduff]

dd3 (dc5) will be 3 in May and to be honest living with her is like living with an abusive partner, (have done that too. ) It's like walking on eggshells trying to make sure everything is done just so and how she remembers it, or how we suggested it might be, (ie when we go out we will go to J's house, I receive text changing plans we are now meeting at C's house, cue huuuge tantrum and screaming that we are going to J's house) It's exhausting.

When she is in a good mood, she is the sweetest little thing but she changes mood in a heartbeat and takes herself off to the bathroom, (downstairs) for time out.

She won't look at people except those very very familiar to her and then only if she is at their house, never will she aknowledge them at ours. Even relatives.

She doesn't speak to anyone except immediate family, (ie dh, myself and siblings) She was supposed to be starting play school this term but she's just not ready.

I am seriously beginning to think there may be something wrong with her. She is so different to any other child I know or have done, (was a nanny for 12 yrs before my own family)

Was wondering if was worth seeing someone or is she simply too young yet. It's a struggle trying to find coping strategies from day to day. Even her bedcovers have to be a certain way and each day is different.

ny thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

anyone?

Thanks riven Hopefully it's nothing more than 2 yr old stuff but i just have a little nagging feeling buried really deep. (does that make sense? )

I'd ask your GP to refer you to a developmental paediatrician. You have to go with your gut feeling and seeing as she is your 5th DC and you have been a nanny I would say you are a pretty accurate judge!

In hindsight I knew from an early age with my DS but I was probably in denial or it was a case of him being my pfb. Whatever, getting a DX is the best thing for your DC, if they need one.

my ds was dx at 3 i agree if you are worried seek advise go to gp explain behaviour, we were forwarded onto paediatrician who forwarded us to the right places for help

i would just go with gut feeling as early intervention is always best if all comes back great but if your worries are confirmed you have got there at the right time

dont feel bad either as your her only advocate and only looking at making sure all is ok and relevant help is got sooner than later if all comes out fine then you did the right thing still by being concerned enough

too many people told me my ds was just lazy normal he'll grow out of it etc i went with my heart and head and i was right and now his completely different little boy from all the early intervention

thank you ladies, I think I will. Hopefully they'll tell me she'll grow out of it.

I take my hat off to the parents that have this kind of thing to deal with every single day with no end in sight. I hope you all get lots of support.

Both my children have autism.

With ds1 I knew from the day he was born. I just didn't know I knew, iyswim. He didn't look at me, went stiff when I held him, didn't do any of that gazing into your eyes bonding stuff the baby books talked about. He didn't seem to want to have anything to do with me! I used to wail that he didn't love me and could tell I was a terrible mother. . He was sufficiently autistic to get a diagnosis at 2 and a half (quite often it is impossible to get a diagnosis so early)

With ds2 it was a total shock! Because he HAD gazed into my eyes during feeding, DID respond to me, DID want to interact with me. But then lost eye contact, got to the age when he should be talking but didn't, we noticed he wasn't pointing, etc etc, and he got his diagnosis at 3.

Gosh heQet that's tough. It's hard enough being a parent from day to day without life's extra challenges.

Nah, it's fine. It's my only experience of parenthood so it's normal. (check out the profile!) (psst I find nt children weird )

I think it's harder to parent when you've a mix - one or more asd and one or more nt.

I find ds1's erbs palsy more difficult, because his physio hurts him and it's quite distressing to be the one to hurt your child.

Parenting is hard regardless. I don't think the autism makes it harder (although how would I know? ) just makes it different.

I didn't know until DD was 3.5/4 and at nursery school, but she's not a clear cut case, and she is my PFB. DS isn't, but I wasn't sure until he was 18 months / two because he wasn't that different from DD IYSWIM. Now she's 5 I can spot the difference, but you have to know her pretty well to see it. However, someone of your experience probably should know, and there's really no harm in asking for a referral.

Welcome back HeQet - haven't seen you for a long while

I escaped, but life on the outside isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Starlight - I know what you mean. I find it really hard when children are in my face, wanting to interact with me. It's just so odd.

DD I knew straight away, within 24hrs, that something 'wasn't quite right', as she screamed so much that they took her off the mat ward as she was 'disturbing and upsetting the other babies', and she was put in the nursery...(probably had to do with the fact that I kept trying to cuddle her, thinking that's what babies liked!, she shut up when left in the isolette with no-one touching her!). And the older she got, the larger my suspicions were. She never gave eye contact when bf either. DS1 I knew straight away that he wasn't like DD, he was looking around straight away, enjoying cuddles, focussing on my face when I bf etc. DS2 wasn't screamy as a baby, in fact he was so far the other way it was like I didn't even have a third child at that point, he made no noise, no fuss, nothing. it turned out he WAS too good to be true! I think with DS2 I really knew by 3/4 months.

And yes, the 'balancing needs' thing IS very very difficult when you have 2 asd DC's and one NT DC, it's easy to forget that an NT DC needs a completely different part of you, and that you have to try to make time to fit their needs in around the other 2. I found myself trying to teach my 7yo DS1(NT) how to do long multiplication at 7.30am this morning, as it was the only time he could fit in his homework!

I didn't know for a while and took quite a bit of convincing that he wasn't 'just being a boy'

It's soooooo fucking obvious now I look back but it was all 'I know he likes plug sockets and moving furniture, but don't all kids?' Wish someone had just said 'no, you ostrich, get your head out of the sad' but they were (clearly too) gentle with me, probably cos I was quite a young mum. Needed telling though, I think! In restrospect, the signs were there from birth really - even as a newborn, there were many things that were Not Quite Right e.g. obsessively staring at one object and refusing to look at people with glasses on etc. I think some things are easy to pick up early if you know what is and isn't typical - sadly, I didn't.

Liah, sorry you're having a hard time and I would definitely see someone, if only to put your mind at rest. GP/ HV can refer to local children's paed services. Good luck.

thanks very much ladies,

It obviously helps to have a sense of humour, at Hunt the poo, stressful at the time I imagine.

Have definately decided to seek a referrel, she's young so can afford to wait a little so long as i'm in the system I think

my dd2, (4) is fab with her and always knows the right things to do and say, she is soo patient with dd3, even when dd3 is screaming hysterically over something being moved and we have no idea what. Bless her. dd2, sings to her at bedtime, (they share a room) she teaches her the words of songs, tis very sweet to listen from outside the room.

With ds1 I knew hewas different from day one, but for the first 4 years we were told he was G&T; although the one time we took him to a GP the GP could hear him from her room and had done a referral by time we had entered - we didnt take that up,we just didnt see it as what it was

DS3-I sort of knew about 18 months, DH in firm denial, wouldn't agreeto referraluntil Nursery raised with us (but I was keen to agree as didn't want to see it myself)

DS2- notasd,more add / dyspraxia I think, he is 8 and the extent is really only starting to becomeclear now,school agree there arerpoblems but are being unhelpful with producing prmised referralletters etc

DS4- he's21 months,just realising he semsto be AS, DH same aswith ds3- and I as with ds3 am looking forreasons to go with him, for a bit at least.

DD 3.7 (ASD diagnosed last month). I had a feeling at around 15 months - even before then some things nagged in my head - eg she would never hold finger food and it was something we ended up teaching her hand over hand at about 21 months. At about 20 months penny finally dropped and we made an appointment with HV. HV referred us for Speech and Language assesment but SLT was happy with things and then HV dismissed any further concerns even when I explained DD had never pointed out things in the environment to us (this was something she did not eventually do until just before her 3rd birthday). To cut a long story short a different HV got involved just after DD's 3rd birthday and things moved pretty quickly hence diagnosis at 3.6.

Having said all that I do honestly sometimes doubt diagnosis as DD is still young and I think her symptoms are mildish and she is making progress every day but in retrospect it was probably wise to get push ahead with diagnosis.

DD is now getting extra attention at nursery school which is no bad thing and attending a social skills group. If all turns out to resolves itself then no harm has been done but if DD's development begins to fall even further behind then at least I can say I did/am helping her. The thing about the wait and see approach is how do you get the time back to put helping strategies in place if your fears turn out to be true.

I will stop now as this is starting to sound really heavy!! but a mothers instinct is usually right and it is never to young to have an assessment by Paed.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.