Fuming about Family 'Support' worker

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

Does anyone else have one? I don't know if I'm being ungrateful but I'm so angry right now- it isn't what I expected at all.

She has visited us at home once to get to know us and she is a really lovely woman , the DC adore her. I told her I would only really require help when taking DS to appointments, just so someone could entertain DD. I assumed this was understood and she came to our DX appt and was fab playing with DD in the garden the whole time. She's also coming to a hearing test at the other side of London next month.

Then this morning (with the DC both at preschool/ nursery) she turned up and told me she needs to see me for 2 hours every week. She'd even signed us up to a music and dance group in a nearby church hall ( which I've taken them to before and DS hated) and seemed affronted when I told her I was busy working and the DC were in school (I did tell her their schedule)

I would have assumed as they are volunteers their time is precious and so it would be a good thing I didn't need help on a regular basis. But no.

Instead I got a phonecall from her manager who told me I was clearly in denial about the support I need and if I can't commit to regular meetings they will take us off their list and report to SS. wtf?

Gosh I sound bratty.

I must add I did invite her in for a cuppa and was very friendly. I just don't see the point of accepting services we don't need whilst struggling to get those I really do. Like I am maybe taking her time from a family that actually would benefit.

Did not want to read and run. Sounds very upsetting.
I do not know what a family support worker does exactly but I wondered if direct payments may suit you better although I do not know if there are age restrictions. SS do a carers assessment ( disabled childrens team) and may make recommendations such as payments for you to employ a carer. It is more flexible if you can cope with the hassle of sorting it yourself. It might be that the family support service is not suiting you and another service would suit you better. I fully understand those very precious childfree hours- the only chance to catch up with chores or sleep - I would have resented any loss of those few hours too! Alternatively would the family support worker take dd to the music group or visit to play with either child when they are not at nursery. Hope I have not blundered in.

No thanks for reading and replying.

They are basically volunteers who can help out, be it playing with the children as you do the cleaning or helping you get to appts, meetings etc. They are not allowed to take the children out by themselves.

We are in the very early stages (still not done DLA forms) so I don't know about carers allowance or anything like that.

Thanks again. I think I will email the manager and explain myself a little better.

Ha ha

I meant No, you haven't blundered in, of course not.

Not no thanks. oops.

Sometimes you have to agree to a certain amount to access a service. So for example we have to sign a contract to access portage, where we had to agree to certain things. Including so many hours contact time with ds1 and for us to do certain things inbetween sessions. And I know the families accessing the early intervention scheme that is now run locally have to sign up to quite a bit.

It sounds as if this is the case here, but it should have been explained to you. It may be that there isn't room for ad hoc help, it's either 2 hours a week or nothing.

I think you need someone to explain the terms and conditions of accessing the service. don't feel bad- they should have done this at the first meeting.

I used to work for HomeStart doing volunteer allocatrion etc and that's very similar.

Sadly, what you want wasn't enough for me to allocate support. I'd have liked to sure, but with a waiting list of twice as many famillies as volunteers, plus much funding being absed on hours srather than outcomes,there ahd to be a prabmatic cut off.

If SS referred you, then they would have to feed back; otherwise of course their calland I wouldn't have done it but different guidelines I guess.

Our volunteers were recruited as being people who wanted to give 4 hours a week; less meant we risked losing them (our most precious asset) and the ahrd cash that paid for their training. It would also mean that their training wasn't kept up to date as well which we would see as a negative.

I do agree DP's would be better palced to help with this need- though of course getting them is the battle

Thanks this is really helpful. I just haven't had it explained to me from their side iyswim.

I do know our support worker does 12 hours per week plus 3 hours training and group sessions so I suppose she is very busy.

And perhaps because of this she can't commit to ad hoc, just needs to know exactly what times we would need her.

I think I'll ask to be removed from the service and just bribe friends to come to appts with me.

SS didn't refer me btw I self referred after advice from our SNHV.

It's so silly we were allocated Portage, who came twice and were just brilliant, then they discovered DS was in preschool and so had to withdraw. I assumed they would have known that having seen the stack of notes they have on us.

TDWP are you getting any help for your DS SN? Do you have access to therapy?

Therapy of what sort?

Our NHS SALT has been shockingly bad so I'm hoping to go private but need to think carefully. I've also joined our local contact a family and am going to a meeting tonight so really hoping to get something from that.

Other than that I'm quite lucky I have a SN health visitor, continence clinic nurse and a pead who is happy to be called/ emailed with even the smallest concern.

TDWP have you considered BIBIC before jumping into expensive therapies? They used to charge loads but now only cost about £50 deposit, well worth considering I think.

Oh wow that looks very helpful. Only issue is we are in London and they seem to be based West Country?

I will contact them anyway.

(mind boggling at number of services we are now involved with)

I'd definitely go for BIBIC.

they were briliant for us. you get a full run down of your dc's skills/where they need extra help.

it has been by far the most comprehensive assessment of dd1 that has been done by other people (once we started ABA a similar assessment was done - slowly and painfully by us!)

the bibic report helped us in statementing, helped us see what dd1 needed most NOW, and of course there is also the home programme they give, tailored to your situation/dc's needs.

an absolute steal at £50, tbh (plus of course accomodation nearby, but still incredibly cheap for what you get)

Well BIBIC do sometimes go out and about visiting areas but even if not, the way they assess (a three day assessment every 6 months) makes it more doable IYSWIM?

And thre's plenty of cheapaccom nearby as it'snot the most affluential ofareas (disclaimer: I come from close by LOL, usedto visit BIBIC for work long before werelaised ds1 had SN... which was due to a BIBIC session in itself)

Are they in Bristol?

I have very close friends there and so would have free accomodation.

Thanks again, it helps so much to get this 'insider' knowledge.

we stayed in a fab b&b when we went - not the cheapest, but very helpful. will try to find it in a minute.

they let us have the run of the kitchen to cook dd1's meals (gluten and dairy free), whenever we needed to.

welcomed us back for lunchtimes if we wanted (we ended up staying at bibic in the end, but nice to have the option) and best of all, cooked for us in the evening (extra charge, natch) - we hadn't realised how knackered we were going to be! dd2 was about a year old then, so dd1 was 3.6 ish, and we all shared one big room.

will try to find it to link, hang on

this is it

couldn't recommend enough, tbh.

The Family Support worker who we see works out out of the Surestart centre and I've not been tied to seeing her for x amount of hours a week. (and I am a mostly a sahm so no work commitments) I probably see her twice a month if that.

TDWP No,in SOmerset but DH used to commute from next village to bristol for years so very doable.

It's actually on the outskirts of Bridgwater and right by the Mway junction.

do-able form Bristol, i recken, but a bit of a slog.

we had really full days - 9am to 5pm (usually nearer 6) with jsut about an hour for lunch.

there is so much to get through - but it's not really "in your face" assessment, there's just lots of it!

and the sensory rooms, the music rooms, the list is endless.

you can add on visits with an ed psych, or a SALT, or a nutritionist - whatever you need at that time (I think there is an extra charge for these - there was when we went, but that was beofre funding)

for typos- dd2 helping!

Oh that looks lovely silverfrog thanks.

Can I ask is the Gluten free diet allergy or did you decide it yourself?

I doubt I could commute then as I don't have a car and DS is awful with public transport.

I wouldnt then tbh- its train to bridgy then bus to bibic or taxi.
Typical ruralarea tbh.

Though it depends where in bristol as well- cribbs area @45 minutes, deepest centralmore like 1.5 hours.

BIBIc do alist of accom (though that B&B looks nice- best mate lived nearby for a few years), for closeness look at Woolavington / Bawdrip / Puriton, but its only a short bus or taxi ride (15 mins?) from anywhere in Bridgwater inclusing the travel lodge type place at Dunball.